Family Circle Meeting

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Family Circle Meeting 2August 10, 2008

• Topic
• Family Dynamics in Islam
• Presented by
• Nada Abdo o)

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Topics

• Mothers (in Quran and Hadith)
• Islamic Parenting
• Children as mentioned in Quran
• Rights of Children
• Rights of Parents
• Respect for Parents
• Fathers
• Closing Remarks Questions/ Comments/ Discussion
  from Audience

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Mothers

• The Prophet Muhammad said
• Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother
  (Ahmad, Nasai). Ask your mom to lift her feet, so
  you can locate where Jannah is. Then tell others
  about your discovery by sharing what Islam has to
  say about moms and their importance in our
  lives.

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Mothers Quranic References

• 1. "We have enjoined on man kindness to his
  parents in pain did his mother bear him, and in
  pain did she give him birth" (4615).

• 2. "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none
  but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether
  one or both of them attain old age in thy life,
  say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel
  them, but address them in terms of honor. And out
  of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility,
  and say My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even
  as they cherished me in childhood' "(1723-24).

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Mothers Hadith References

• 1. The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah's peace
  and blessings be upon him Your Heaven lies under
  the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai).

• 2. A man came to the Prophet and said, O
  Messenger of God! Who among the people is the
  most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet
  said Your mother. The man said, Then who?' The
  Prophet said Then your mother. The man further
  asked, Then who?' The Prophet said Then your
  mother. The man asked again, Then who?' The
  Prophet said Then your father. (Bukhari,
  Muslim).

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Mothers Quranic References (cont.)

• We have enjoined on man and woman kindness to
  parents but if they (either of them) strive (to
  force) thee to join with Me anything of which
  thou hast no knowledge, obey them not (298).

• 4. "We have enjoined on man and woman (to be
  good) to his/her parents show gratitude to Me
  and to thy parents to Me is (thy final) Goal. If
  they (parents) strive to make thee join in
  worship with Me things of which thou hast no
  knowledge, obey them not yet bear them company
  in this life with justice (and consideration) and
  follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love)"
  (3114-15).

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Mothers Hadith References (cont.)

• 3. Abu Usaid Saidi said We were once sitting
  with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of
  Salmah came and said to him O Messenger of
  Allah! do my parents have rights over me even
  after they have died? And Rasulullah said Yes.
  You must pray to Allah to bless them with His
  Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they
  made to anyone, and respect their relations and
  their friends (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

• 4. Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of
  Allah said The major sins are to believe that
  Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to
  commit murder, and to bear false witness
  (Bukhari, Muslim).
• 5. It is narrated by Asma bint Abu Bakr that
  during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who
  was then pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma
  informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival
  and also that she needed help. He said Be good
  to your mother (Bukhari, Muslim).

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Mothers QA

• Have you ever said uff to your mom?
• "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but
  Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one
  or both of them attain old age in thy life, say
  not to them a word of contempt (Uff), nor repel
  them, but address them in terms of honor. And out
  of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility,
  and say My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even
  as they cherished me in childhood' "(Quran
  1723-24).
• Do you disobey your mom?
• Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of
  Allah said, may Allah's peace and blessings be
  upon him The major sins are to believe that
  Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to
  commit murder, and to bear false witness
  (Bukhari, Muslim).
• Do you send your mom gifts?
• Aisha narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace
  and blessings be upon him) said Exchange gifts
  with one another, for they remove ill feelings
  from the hearts (Tirmidhi).

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Mothers What if.

• If your mom is a non-Muslim
• If your mom is a non-Muslim, try fasting for a
  day (Nafil or extra fasting), and keep thinking
  and praying for her. Ask Allah that He guides her
  and ask Him what you can do to help her
  understand her own Creator.
• If mom is not alive
• If your mom is not alive, visit her relatives and
  friends and ask what you can do for them.
  Consider these two Hadiths (sayings of the
  Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon
  him)
• The Messenger of Allah said When a person dies,
  his actions come to an end, except for three
  things a continuing Sadaqa (charity), knowledge
  from which benefit is still being derived, and a
  righteous child who prays for her or him
  (translated meaning from Muslim).
• Abu Usaid Saidi said We were once sitting with
  Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah
  came and said to him O Messenger of Allah! do my
  parents have rights over me even after they have
  died? And Rasulullah said Yes. You must pray to
  Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and
  Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone,
  and respect their relations and their friends
  (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

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Mothers Hajj/Umra Lesson

• Muslims who perform the Hajj or Umra must run in
  the middle portion of the distance between Safa
  and Marwa seven times. Safa and Marwa are two
  hills close to the Kaba. This is a commemoration
  of one mother's sacrifice for her son.
• That mother was Hajira (may Allah be pleased with
  her). Her son was the Prophet Ismail (peace be
  upon him). Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him)
  was Hajira's husband, and Ismail's father.
• Hajira's example of sacrifice took place when she
  and her baby was left in the valley of Makkah by
  Allah's order as pioneers to start a
  civilization.
• Here was the wife of a Prophet, the princess of
  the king of Egypt, left with her child in the
  desert. All for the sake of pleasing our Creator.
• As Prophet Ibrahim headed for his next
  responsibility from Allah, he reached an area
  where Hajira and Ismail could not see him. At
  that point, he turned back, raising his hands in
  Dua and said,
• "O Our Lord! I have made of my offspring to dwell
  in a valley without cultivation by Your Sacred
  House in order Our Lord, that they may establish
  regular Prayer so fill the hearts of some among
  men with love towards them, and feed them with
  fruits, so that they may give thanks." (Quran
  1437).
• Hajira returned to her place and started drinking
  water from the water-skin, and her milk increased
  for her child.
• But when she had used up all of the water, she
  ascended the Safa hill and looked, hoping to see
  somebody.
• The area was empty.
• She came down and then ran up to Marwa hill. She
  ran to and fro (between the two hills) many
  times, then went to check on her baby Ismail.
• He was dying. And she could find no water for him
  or herself.
• She could not watch her son perish. How could any
  mother?
• 'If I go and look, I may find somebody,' she told
  herself. Then she went and ascended the Safa hill
  and looked for a long while but could not find
  anybody.
• In all,Hajira ran seven rounds between Safa and
  Marwa, in the hot, waterless valley, where her
  thirsty baby lay.
• She told herself to go back and check on Ismail.
  But suddenly she heard a voice it was the Angel
  Jibreel.
• 'Help us if you can offer any help," she said to
  him.
• The angel hit the earth with his heel and water
  gushed out. Hajira was astonished and started
  digging. Allah, as she had rightly proclaimed,
  had not abandoned them.
• Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon
  him), in the Hadith in Bukhari in which much of
  this incident is narrated, said, "If she (Hajira)
  had left the water, (flow naturally without her
  intervention), it would have been flowing on the
  surface of the earth."
• Today we are bearing the fruits of this mother's
  struggle and sacrifice. Many of us drink and have
  drunk from the well of Zamzam. And those of us
  who have made Hajj run in a much more comfortable
  way than Hajira ever did, between Safa and Marwa.

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Islamic Parenting

• One of the greatest challenges a Muslim will ever
  face is being a parent
• Allah tells us in the Quran that our children are
  our trial and as such we should take the task of
  parenting seriously, and start learning from each
  other

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Compassion (Rehmat)
• Compassion is only one component of the concept
  of mercy (Rehmat)
• Others include kindness, respect, and love.
  Prophet Muhammad expressed disappointment when a
  Bedouin told him how he had never kissed any of
  his ten children.
• Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon
  him) stated, "He is not of us who does not have
  compassion for his fellow beings".
• It is interesting to note that when it comes to
  Hadith like this or Quranic quotes dealing with
  human behavior, we never stop to think that our
  children and family members are also our fellow
  human beings and that these golden rules must
  also be applied to them.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)Consultation

• The Prophet has related that Allah says "Oh My
  servant. I look on high handedness as something
  not permissible for myself, and I have forbidden
  it for you. So do not oppress each other".
• When we consult with each other in the domestic
  realm, both husband and wife must show respect
  for each other. This is one of the best ways to
  bond and to learn to listen to each other and to
  resolve conflicts. However, the consultation will
  only be fruitful if it is sincere and not merely
  a formality. Imposition of one's ideas with scant
  regard to the welfare of the whole family unit
  defeats the purpose of the most important Quranic
  principle of Shura.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Cooperation
• Sura Al-Asr best demonstrates the concept of
  cooperation " counsel each other to the truth
  (Haq), and counsel each other to patience and
  fortitude (Sabr)".
• When a family unit cooperates in this manner,
  they truly capture the spirit of Islam the
  welfare of each member of the family becomes the
  concern of the other.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Commitment
• Family units should commit to Allah and His
  Prophet(s) "Obey Allah and His Prophet and those
  in authority over you" (Nisa).
• Collective commitment gives Muslim families an
  identity and it allows them to map out their
  purpose that is, we all belong to Allah and
  are accountable and responsible to Him.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Communication is more than talking. It is an
  essential part of family life. It is both talking
  in a manner in which others can understand you,
  and hearing in a manner in which you can listen
  and understand others.
• So many times people claim that they have no
  communication problem since they are always
  talking. However, the majority of the time they
  are talking "at" and not talking "to". This mode
  usually results in the recipient tuning out. Many
  children at an early age learn to tune out their
  parents.
• When communication is a means to listening,
  understanding, and exchanging ideas, it is the
  most powerful tool to effective parenting and the
  best shield against peer and societal pressures.
• It also teaches children skills to problem
  solving. An important component of positive
  communication is a sense of humor when parents
  and children can laugh together. Communication
  can also be instrumental in passing down family
  history and thus creating oneness and
  togetherness by sharing a mutual heritage
  (children love to hear about family stories).

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Consistency
• Effective parenting requires that we are
  consistent in our value judgments, discipline,
  and moral standards. Many parents inadvertently
  apply double standards to boys and girls when it
  comes to social behavior and domestic chores.
  This is unacceptable, and leads to sibling
  rivalry and stereotypical males and females.
• Confidentiality
• Family is with whom we can feel safe and secure.
  Where we know our secrets are safe and where
  there is mutual trust. Unfortunately, parents
  often betray the trust of their children when
  they discuss their concerns, which they confide
  in them to outsiders. This leads to mistrust, and
  sooner or later our children will stop confiding
  in us. This may take them to find confidants
  outside the family, sometimes non-Muslim peers,
  and this can be detrimental to their spiritual
  and moral growth.
• Contentment (Tawakkul)
• The greatest gift we can give our children is
  that of contentment. This can be developed very
  early in life by encouraging our children to give
  thanks to Allah for all they have by discouraging
  materialism by word and example, and by counting
  the blessings every night and remembering the
  less fortunate.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Confidence
• It is the duty of parents to build confidence in
  our children through encouragement and honest and
  sincere praise. By developing confidence, we give
  our children the courage to stand up for
  themselves and their beliefs and to be able to
  deal with opposition.
• Control
• By teaching restraint and avoiding excess we
  develop in our children control so that they do
  not become slaves to their desires (Nafs).
• Calm
• By encouraging and showing calm in matters of
  adversity and in times of panic we improve our
  Taqwa (God consciousness) and teach our children
  to rely on Allah and to turn to Allah alone for
  all needs.
• Courage
• Courage of conviction can only be achieved when
  we have been able to teach our children true
  Islam. We should take advantage of every learning
  opportunity as a family so that our faith (Iman)
  flourishes and evolves towards Ihsan as a family
  unit. In this manner we can be a source of
  strength to each other.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Critical Thinking
• The Quran encourages us over and over again to
  think, reflect, ponder, understand and analyze.
  However, very rarely do. Parents must encourage
  children to ask questions. Our response to
  difficult inquiries from our children is to say
  "do it because I said so". This discourages the
  children from developing critical thinking. They
  become lazy and complacent and easy prey to cult
  type following. To take things at face value
  makes us vulnerable.
• Charitable
• The most important attitude of a Muslim
  personality is, as Prophet Muhammad stated "Do
  you not wish that Allah will forgive you? Then
  forgive your brothers and sisters". Many
  relationships break because people are not able
  to forgive each other. It is important that
  parents make up in front of their children by
  forgiving each other after an argument. Prophet
  Muhammad stated, "Like for your brother what you
  like for yourself". So if husband and wife expect
  respect from each other they should give respect.
• A charitable nature also encourages us to
  overlook people with their shortcomings and to be
  sensitive and to have empathy.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Competition
• In Hadith, the Prophet said "Look up to one who
  is greater in piety so you strive to be like him
  and look upon one who is below you in material
  status so that you may be thankful to Allah's
  Grace".
• As a Muslim community we should strive to teach
  our children to be weary of passing along a
  competitive spirit to our children.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Corruption
• "If the truth was to follow their whims, the
  heaven and earth and all their inhabitants would
  be corrupt" (Quran part of 2371).
• Weak Nafs and diseases of the heart lead to poor
  character, which of course is the result of
  grudging submission and conditional faith. When
  we corrupt our Deen (religion) by picking and
• choosing what we want, practicing what suits us
  best and resisting and outright opposing what
  does not suit our fancy, we pay an enormous price
  by losing ourselves to the Dunya, and driving our
  children away from Islam.

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Islamic Parenting (cont.)

• Avoid
• Carelessness
• As Prophet Muhammad reminded us in his last
  sermon "Shaytan cannot mislead us in major issues
  of Faith but in minor issues". This is where our
  carelessness and lack of diligence can lead to
  weak character.
• Colonization
• This is a mind set that many immigrant parents
  have passed down to their children a sense of
  inferiority, a complex as such, that European and
  Western cultures are superior and better than
  that of their country of origin. This is a
  mentality that encourages imitation, following
  and serving rather than leadership.

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Children in the Quran

• The Qur'an uses various terms for children
• Dhurriyya, ghulam, ibn, walad, walid, mawlud,
  ?abi, tifl, saghir

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• Quran cautioned against several practices towards
  children that existed in Pre-Islamic Arabia
• Infanticide
• Children as property

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• Adoption
• The Quran replaced the pre-Islamic custom of
  adoption by the recommendation that "believers
  treat children of unknown origin as their
  brothers in the faith and clients".

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• Breastfeeding
• The Qur'an forbids sexual relations between males
  and their milk-mothers or milk-sisters (423).
• Verses 2233 and 656 are aimed at protecting
  lactating women and their nurslings by
  guaranteeing them economic support from the
  father for at least two years and by sanctioning
  non-maternal nursing when needed.

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• Surah 2 233 states that mothers and fathers
  shall not have a burdens laid on them greater
  than they can bear
• Mothers should breast-feed for 2 years and
  fathers should bear the cost of the mothers food
  and clothing on a reasonable basis
• Neither Mothers nor fathers should not be treated
  unfairly on account of their children
• If they both decide on weaning by mutual consent,
  then there is no sin on them

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• Fatherless Children
• The Qur'an in 19 verses forbids harsh and
  oppressive treatment of orphan's children while
  urging kindness and justice towards them.
• Muhammad himself was an orphan and an early
  Qur'anic verse 936-8 celebrates God's providence
  and care towards him.
• Other Qur'anic verses identify those who repulse
  the orphan as unbelievers (1072) rebuke those
  who do not honor the orphans and encourage the
  unbelievers to feed the orphans.
• The Qur'an speaks of the reward waiting for those
  who feed orphans, poor and the prisoner for the
  love of God (768-9). It also warns those who
  wrongfully consume the property of orphans that
  they will be punished in the hereafter with "fire
  in their own bellies".
• The Qur'an also gives concrete instructions to
  guardians regarding the orphans, particularly on
  how to protect their wealth and property rights.

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• Rights of Children
• Children have the right to be fed, clothed, and
  protected until they reach adulthood.
• Children have the right to enjoy love and
  affection from their parents.
• Children have the right to be treated equally,
  vis-a-vis their siblings in terms of financial
  gifts.
• A tradition reports
• Prophet Muhammad was reported as saying "Be fair
  and just in terms of the gifts you offer your
  children. If I was to give preference to any
  (gender over the other) I would have preferred
  females over males (in terms of giving gifts)."
• Children have the right to education.
• A saying attributed to Muhammad relates "A
  father gives his child nothing better than a good
  education."
• Parents are recommended to provide adequately for
  children in inheritance.

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Children in the Quran (cont.)

• The following anecdote demonstrates the rights of
  children
• One day a man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab to
  complain of disobedient son. So Umar had brought
  the boy to him and he blamed him for his
  disobedience. Then the boy addressed Umar by
  saying "O Commander of the faithful Are there no
  rights for boy against his father?". Umar said
  "yes". Then the boy said "What are these rights O
  Commander of the Faithful?" Umar said, "To choose
  a good mother for him, to select good name to him
  and to teach him the Quran" Then the boy said "O
  Commander of the faithful my father has not
  accomplished any of these rights. As for my
  mother, she was a black slave for a Magian As
  for my name, he has named me Jual (beetle) and
  he has not taught me even one letter from the
  Quran". Then Umar turned round to the man and
  said "you came to me complaining disobedience on
  the part of your son, whereas you have not given
  him his rights. So you have made mistakes against
  him before he has made mistakes against you".

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Children and Adoptees

• By a verse in the Qur'an, Muhammad instructed
  adoptive parents to refer to their adoptive
  children by the names of their biological
  parents, if known
• ... Nor has He made your adopted sons your
  (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner
  of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you)
  the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call
  them by (the names of) their fathers that is
  juster in the sight of Allah. But if you know not
  their father's (names, call them) your brothers
  in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame
  on you if you make a mistake therein. (What
  counts is) the intention of your hearts. And
  Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.
  (Qur'an 334-5)
• Islamic adoption is termed kafala, originating
  from a word meaning "to feed." In essence, it
  describes more of a foster-parent relationship.
  Some other Islamic customs surrounding this
  relationship are
• An adopted child inherits from his or her
  biological parents, not automatically from the
  adoptive parents.
• When the child is grown, members of the adoptive
  family are not considered blood relatives, and
  are therefore not muhrim to him or her. "Muhrim"
  refers to a specific legal relationship that
  regulates marriage and other aspects of life.
  Essentially, members of the adoptive family would
  be permissible as possible marriage partners, and
  rules of modesty exist between the grown child
  and adoptive family members of the opposite sex.
• If the child is provided with property/wealth
  from the biological family, adoptive parents are
  commanded to take care and not intermingle that
  property/wealth with their own. They serve merely
  as trustees.

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Rights of Parents in Islam

• Parents are to be obeyed and respected by their
  children.
• The Prophet said thrice, "Should I inform you out
  the greatest of the great sins?" They said, "Yes,
  O Allah's Apostle!" He said, "To join others in
  worship with Allah and to be undutiful to one's
  parents." The Prophet then sat up after he had
  been reclining (on a pillow) and said, "And I
  warn you against giving a false witness", and he
  kept on saying that warning till we thought he
  would not stop.
• The mother has the right to receive the best
  treatment than accorded to any other person, in
  addition the mother has the right of custody of
  the child in general circumstances.
• A man came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's
  Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with
  the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said,
  "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The
  Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further
  said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your
  mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who
  is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father.

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Rights of Parents in Islam (cont.)

• Parents have the right to spank those of their
  children above the age of ten years who neglect
  in performing Islamic prayers in Sunni Islam.
• Regarding those who would spank children a fatwa
  of the Mufti Kafaayatullah provides as follows
  Excluding the face and sensitive parts of the
  body, it is allowed to beat a child for the
  purposes of discipline so long as the limits are
  not transgressed. i.e. to beat the child in a
  manner that a wound is inflicted, or a bone
  fractured or broken, or a bruise appears or an
  internal disorder results (to the heart or
  brains, etc.). If the limits are transgressed as
  described above in any way, even by a single
  stroke, such a person will be regarded as
  sinful.
• Parents have the right to rebuke their children
  to protect them from physical or moral harm.
• Parents have the right to be looked after by
  their children, and to receive physical or
  financial help as necessary, especially in their
  old age.

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Respect for Parents

• The recognition and respect of parents is
  mentioned in the Quran eleven times in every
  instance, Allah reminds children to recognize and
  to appreciate the care and love they have
  received from their parents.
• "We have enjoined on humankind kindness to
  parents."  Quran 298 and 4615
• "And (remember) when We made a covenant with the
  children of Israel, (saying) worship none save
  Allah (only), and be good to parents..." Quran
  283
• In Surah Al-Nisaa' (The Women) Allah emphasizes
  again that children should be kind to their
  parents "And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as
  partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents...
  " Quran 436
• The same directive is repeated again In Surah Al
  An'Am (The Cattle), where Allah says "Say Come,
  I will recite unto you that which your Lord has
  made a sacred duty for you that you ascribe
  nothing as partner unto Him and that you do good
  to parents..." Quran 6151

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Respect for Parents (cont.)

• Islam teaches us that respect for parents comes
  immediately after praying to Allah and before
  Jihad (struggle and striving in the way of
  Allah).
• The Prophet said the following
• Narrated by Abi Abder Rahman Abdullah bin Massoud
  (May Allah be pleased with him) saying I asked
  the Prophet , "which deed is more liked by
  Allah?" He replied, "Prayers on time." Then I
  asked, "Which one is next?" He said, "Goodness to
  parents." Then I asked, "Then which one is next?"
  He said, "Jihad in the way of Allah." (Agreed)
• In Islam, respect for parents is so great that
  the child and his wealth are considered to be the
  property of the parents. The Prophet said
• Narrated by Aisha that a person came to the
  Prophet to resolve his dispute with his father
  regarding a loan given to the father. The Prophet
  said to the person, "You and your wealth are to
  your father."

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Respect for Parents (cont.)

• Children should honor their parents even after
  they have
• passed away. Quran teaches us to
• Make daily Du'a (prayer) for them
• Give a charity on their behalf
• Institute a perpetual charity on their behalf -
  such as a Masjid, an Islamic Center, an Islamic
  Library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, a
  senior citizen's home, etc.
• Perform Hajj on their behalf or ask someone to do
  so.
• Read Quran on their behalf
• Distribute Islamic Literature on their behalf

37
Fathers

• Marriage is ordained and adultery is forbidden so
  that paternity may be established without doubt
  or ambiguity.
• Through marriage a woman is reserved for one man
  it is haram for her to be unfaithful to him or to
  let anyone else have access to what belongs
  exclusively to him. Thus, every child born to her
  in wedlock will be her husband's child.
• "The child is attributed to the one on whose bed
  it is born," (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.
  Literally "The child belongs to the bed.")
  declared the Prophet of Islam (peace be on him).

38
Fathers

• If a man is convinced or strongly suspects,
  although without having proof, that his wife has
  had sexual relations with another man and is
  carrying his child, he can take the case to a
  Muslim judge (qadi).
• According to Surah al-Nur As for those who
  accuse their wives but have no witnesses except
  themselves, the testimony of one of them shall
  consist of bearing witness by Allah four times
  that he is of the truthful, and a fifth (time)
  that the curse of Allah be upon him if he is one
  of those who lie. And it shall avert the
  punishment from her if she bear witness by Allah
  four times that he is indeed of those who lie,
  and a fifth (time) that the wrath of Allah be
  upon her if he is among the truthful. (246-9)
• After this the two shall be separated
  permanently, and the child shall be identified by
  the name of his or her mother.

39
Fathers

• Nor has He made your adopted sons your (real)
  sons that is simply a saying of your mouths. But
  Allah speaks the truth, and He guides you to the
  (right way). Call them by (the names of) their
  fathers that is more just in the sight of Allah.
  But if you do not know their fathers, they are
  your brothers-in-faith and your wards....(334-5)
• Islam abolished all the effects of this system of
  adoption which relate to inheritance and to
  prohibition of marriage to the widowed or
  divorced wife of the adopted son. In matters of
  inheritance, the Qur'an does not recognize any
  claim except those based on relationship through
  blood and marriage ...But blood relatives are
  nearer to each other in the ordinance of
  Allah....(875)

40
Fathers

• With regard to marriage, The Qur'an declared that
  only the wives of one's real sons, "the wives of
  your sons who are from your (own) loins" (423),
  not the wives of the adopted sons, are
  permanently forbidden in marriage. Accordingly,
  it is permissible for a man to marry the divorced
  wife of his adopted son, since she has been, in
  actuality, the wife of a "stranger" not related
  by blood.

41
Fathers

• "I, and the one who raises an orphan, will be
  like these two in the Garden (Hadith)
• Quran encourages us to treat orphans like our own
  children feed, educate, protect, and love them
• If a man has no children of his own, and he
  wishes to benefit such a child from his wealth,
  he may give him whatever he wants during his
  lifetime and may also bequeath to him up to
  one-third of his inheritance before his death.

42
Fathers

• Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas narrated that the Prophet
  (peace be on him) said, If someone claims a
  person as his father with the knowledge that he
  is not his father, the Garden will be forbidden
  to him. (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)

43
Fathers

• Your children have the right of receiving equal
  treatment, as you have the right that they should
  honor you. (Reported by Abu Daoud) "Fear Allah
  and treat your children with equal justice."
  (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
• Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal said that preferential
  treatment of a child is permitted if he or she is
  handicapped while others are not. (a handicap,
  blindness, his or her being from a large family,
  being engaged in studies, etc.)
• It is also permitted to withhold from a child
  who would spend what he is given on sinful or
  wicked things.

44
Fathers and Mothers

• Pleasing one's parents is considered so important
  in Islam that the son is forbidden to volunteer
  for jihad without his parent's permission
• According to Hadith
• A man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and
  said, 'I have come to swear allegiance to you for
  hijrah, and I have left my parents weeping.' The
  Prophet (peace be on him) said to him, 'Return to
  them and make them laugh as you made them weep.'
  (Reported by al-Bukhari and others.)

45
The End!Questions/ Comments???