Becoming Gendered: The Early Years

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Becoming Gendered The Early Years

• Chapter 7

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Entering a Gendered Society

• We are born into a gendered society
• Infants interact with others and develop personal
  identity

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Self-as-Object

• Humans are able to reflect on themselves
• Self-as-object ability to think about ourselves
  and reflect and respond to ourselves

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Self-as-Object

• Look at ourselves through eyes of others
• At first, others views of us are external
• Gradually we internalize what others say about us
• Their views become key to how see ourselves

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Self-as-Object

• Standpoint, anthropological, and queer
  performative theories demonstrate variation in
  what is considered feminine and masculine

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Monitoring

• We are able to monitor ourselves
• We observe and regulate our attitudes and
  behaviors
• We use symbols to define who we are

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Monitoring

• Monitoring - engage in internal dialogues with
  others perspectives we internalized
• Remind what others have told us we are supposed
  to think, do, look like, feel
• Remind what others have told us is appropriate
  for age, sex

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Monitoring

• Personal identity is social
• Influenced by family and society
• Even when we dont identify with prevailing
  social perspectives

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Gendering Communication

• Families are a primary influence on gender
  identity

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Unconscious Processes

• Insight into unconscious dynamics comes from
  psychoanalytic theories
• Persons core identity shaped in early years of
  life

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Unconscious Processes

• Psychoanalytic theory originated with Freud
• Claimed anatomy is destiny

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Unconscious Processes

• Biology determines which parent child will
  identify with
• Will determine how childs psyche develops

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Unconscious Processes

• At early age, children of both sexes focus on
  penis
• Boys identify with father
• Girls recognize similarity to mother

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Unconscious Processes

• Girls - mother responsible for lack of penis
• Boys - father has power to castrate
• Both see father/penis as power

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Unconscious Processes

• Limited empirical support for Freuds theory
• More recent scholars
• Females do not envy penis
• May envy power it symbolizes

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Unconscious Processes

• Families critical to formation of gender identity
• During earliest stages of life children depend on
  and identify with caregiver
• Woman often primary caregiver

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Unconscious Processes

• Children of both sexes form first identification
  with adult woman
• Around 3, male and female development diverge
• Girls continue to identify with mother

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Unconscious Processes

• Boys lessen identification with mother
• Focus on identifying with male
• Complicated when father not highly involved in
  boys life

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Unconscious Processes

• Fathers in our era
• Closer relationships with sons
• Sons perceive fathers as less affectionate than
  fathers perceive themselves

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Unconscious Processes

• Masculine gender can be difficult to grasp if
  lack strong relationship with male
• Boys define masculinity in negative terms not
  like mother

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Unconscious Processes

• Girls given rewards for being Mommys helper
• See mother as role model for femininity

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Unconscious Processes

• Boys rewarded for being independent
• Roam from home to find companions

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Unconscious Processes

• Boys social development - large groups with
  temporary memberships
• Girls social development continuing, personal
  relationships

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Unconscious Processes

• Boys become achieving and independent
• Girls become nurturing and relationally oriented

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Unconscious Processes

• Girls continue to seek close relationships
• Place importance on personal communication
  throughout life

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Unconscious Processes

• Boys learn to define themselves independently of
  others
• Maintain distance from others

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Unconscious Processes

• Children of single-parents - difficulty finding
  models of both genders
• Single-father families cohesive
• Single-father-child discussions more elaborate

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Unconscious Processes

• Develop preferences while socialized
• Men and women with masculine inclinations value
  independence

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Unconscious Processes

• Develop preferences while socialized
• Women and men with feminine inclinations value
  relationships

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Ego Boundaries

• Ego boundaries point which individual stops and
  rest of world begins
• Distinguish self from everyone and everything
  else
• Linked to gender identity

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Ego Boundaries

• Feminine gender identity
• Emphasize interrelatedness with others
• Permeable ego boundaries
• Tend to be empathetic
• Become involved with others and neglect own needs
• Feel responsible for others

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Ego Boundaries

• Masculine gender identity
• Firm ego boundaries
• Less likely to experience others feelings
• Keep distance from others
• Others feelings distinct from their own

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Ego Boundaries

• Womens ego boundaries more permeable than those
  of men
• Women comfortable feeling connected to others,
  sense lives are interwoven with others, uneasy
  with those who want high degree of independence

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Ego Boundaries

• Men have firm ego boundaries
• Feel secure when autonomy high, feel suffocated
  in extremely close relationships

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Parental Communication

• Girls rewarded for being helpful, nurturing,
  deferential
• At times for being assertive, athletic, smart
• Boys rewarded for being competitive, independent,
  assertive

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Parental Communication

• Parents communication reflects parents gender
  stereotypes
• Within 24 hours of birth, parents respond to
  babies in terms of gender
• Boys strong, hardy, big, active, alert
• Girls small, dainty, delicate

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Parental Communication

• Parents may communicate different expectations
  about achievement to sons than daughters
• This may vary according to subculture

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Parental Communication

• Parents convey messages about assertiveness and
  aggressiveness to sons and daughters
• Children learn to express differently
• Girls develop less direct ways of expressing
  aggression

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Parental Communication

• Fathers encourage gender-appropriate behaviors
• Fathers tend to
• Talk more with daughters
• Engage in more activities with sons

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Parental Communication

• Mothers talk more about emotions with daughters
• Daughters disclose more information to parents

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Parental Communication

• Mothers communication focuses on providing
  comfort, security, emotional development
• More eye contact and face-to-face interaction

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Parental Communication

• Mothers repeat infant daughters vocalizations
  more
• Play with children at childrens level

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Parental Communication

• Todays fathers talk more with children
• Focus more on playing with children than taking
  care of them

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Parental Communication

• Encourage children to develop skills and meet
  challenges
• Stretch children by urging to compete, take risks
• Encourage initiative, achievement

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Parental Communication

• Fathers communication has strong impact on
  self-esteem
• Focus communication on abilities,
  accomplishments, goals

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Parental Communication

• Mothers more likely to talk about sex topics with
  children, particularly daughters
• Girls who talk to mothers about sex are more
  likely to have conservative sexual values

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Parental Communication

• Fathers dont talk directly about sex with
  children
• Talk to daughters about related issues
• Both parents talk more with daughters about sex
  than sons

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Parental Communication

• Parents communicate gender expectations through
  toys and clothes
• Some actively discourage interests associated
  with other gender

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Parental Communication

• Feminine toys encourage quiet, nurturing
  interaction with others, verbal communication
• Masculine toys promote independent, competitive
  activities, little verbal interaction

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Parental Communication

• Parents who limit toys limit childrens
  development of various ways of thinking and
  interacting

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Parental Communication

• Parents communicate expectations through chores
• Girls more responsible for domestic duties
• Boys more responsible for outdoor work

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Parental Communication

• Gender socialization more rigid for boys than for
  girls
• Fathers more insistent on gender stereotypes for
  sons

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Parental Modeling

• Parents most visible models of masculinity and
  femininity
• Families in our era are diverse
• Single mothers provide more multifaceted models
  for womens roles
• Single fathers provide more multifaceted roles of
  manhood

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Parental Modeling

• More women live without a spouse than with one
• Percentage varies by race

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Parental Modeling

• 53-75 of mothers work outside home
• Half of white men and one third of black mean
  bring in at least 70 of family income
• 30 women in dual-worker family make more money
  than male partner

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Parental Modeling

• Gay and lesbian parents becoming more visible
• Some have children through technology or adoption
• Some parent older children from previous unions

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Parental Modeling

• Blended families common
• Many children live with stepfamily
• Able to observe multiple models of gender
• More diverse ideas of how families can work and
  gender can be embodied

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Parental Modeling

• Parents model attitudes about appearance
• Fathers who work out encourage sons to play
  sports
• Physical strength is masculine

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Parental Modeling

• Mothers remark about weight and eating
• Communicate to be feminine is to be thin
• Daughters should strive for thinness

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Parental Modeling

• First years not absolute determinants of gender
  across life span
• Personal gender identity changes over time as
  develop and interact with diverse people

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Personal Side of Gender Drama

• Gender is deeply personal
• Each of us work to define and express our own
  gender

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Growing Up Masculine

• Many variations of masculinity
• Six themes of masculinity

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Growing Up Masculine

• 1. Dont be female
• Peer pressure to be tough
• Insults suggest feminine

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Growing Up Masculine

• 2. Be successful
• Expected to be successful at sports
• Expected to achieve professional status
• Regarded as success objects

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Growing Up Masculine

• 3. Be aggressive
• Rewarded for being daredevils
• Not to run from confrontation
• Sports participation
• Be aggressive in profession
• Dont seek help when depressed

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Growing Up Masculine

• 3. Be aggressive
• Aggression may be linked to violence

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Growing Up Masculine

• 3. Be aggressive
• Think entitled to dominate women
• Women and men who are violent toward dates have
  masculine orientation

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Growing Up Masculine

• 4. Be sexual
• Expected to have number of sexual partners
• Pressure especially strong for black males

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Growing Up Masculine

• 5. Be self-reliant
• Depends on himself, relies on nobody
• Differentiation from others
• Emotionally controlled

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Growing Up Masculine

• 6. Embody and transcend traditional views of
  masculinity
• Men pressured by other men to enforce masculine
  code
• Also pressured from females to be more sensitive
  and emotionally open

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Growing Up Masculine

• Men who do not measure up may experience
  depression
• Unwilling to seek help due to views of
  masculinity
• Men 4 times more likely to commit suicide

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Growing Up Masculine

• New trend among young men is resistance to
  growing up as fathers and grandfathers did
• Extending adolescence
• Spend years avoiding commitments
• Societal confusion about how to be a man

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Growing Up Feminine

• Two versions of femininity exist today
• Women now have it all
• It is not possible to have it all

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Growing Up Feminine

• Women may be able to get jobs, but only 20 will
  advance to highest levels
• Rape is rising
• Battering of women is rising
• Women have careers, but still do majority of
  housework

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Growing Up Feminine

• Media carry message youth and beauty are ticket
  to success
• Leads to five themes of femininity

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Growing Up Feminine

• 1. Appearance still counts
• Women urged to be pretty, slim, well dressed
• Focus begins in early years of life
• Dolls come with accessories some model
  fashion-conscious sexuality as ideal

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Growing Up Feminine

• See examples of Bratz dolls at
• http//www.bratz.com/
• See an example of teen magazine for girls at
• http//www.cosmogirl.com/

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Growing Up Feminine

• 1. Appearance still counts
• Teen magazines for girls saturated with ads for
  make-up, diet aids, hair products
• Adolescent romance novels send message popularity
  depends on looks, engaging in casual sex, being
  rich and thin

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Growing Up Feminine

• 1. Appearance still counts
• Ideal of thinness can lead to fatal eating
  disorders
• Most store mannequins are size 4 or lower
• Stores hire young, sexy employees

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Growing Up Feminine

• 1. Appearance still counts
• Women athletes feel pressure to look feminine

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Growing Up Feminine

• 2. Be sensitive and caring
• Pressure to be nice, deferential, helpful
• Supposed to care about others
• Primary responsibility for young children and
  elderly, sick, and disabled relatives

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Growing Up Feminine

• 2. Be sensitive and caring
• Encouraged to please others
• Encouraged to look attractive
• Taught to soften opinions and accommodate others
• Difficult to share homemaking and parenting roles

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Growing Up Feminine

• 3. Negative treatment by others
• More subject to sexual assault
• More likely to live in poverty
• More likely to face salary and job discrimination

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Growing Up Feminine

• 3. Negative treatment by others
• Children learn society values women differently
  than men
• Family preference for sons
• In some cultures female fetuses aborted, or
  female infants killed

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Growing Up Feminine

• 3. Negative treatment by others
• Websites feature beatings and sexual assaults on
  women
• Rap refers to women in derogatory terms and shows
  men abusing them
• Video games points for mauling women

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Growing Up Feminine

• 3. Negative treatment by others
• Begins early in peer groups
• Critical of other girls
• May take part in social aggression
• Indirect, covert
• Peaks from 10-14

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Growing Up Feminine

• 3. Negative treatment by others
• Girls fear being overtly mean would lead to
  disapproval
• Girls learn to hide feelings of anger and express
  indirectly

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Growing Up Feminine

• 4. To be a superwoman
• Women feel they are required to have it all
• Takes physical and psychological toll
• Growing steadily

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Growing Up Feminine

• 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore
• Ambitious career woman may be met with approval
  or disapproval
• Stay-at-home mother may be met with criticism or
  respect

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Growing Up Feminine

• 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore
• Themes reveal constancy and change
• Expectations for attractiveness and caring
  persist
• Still greater likelihood for negative treatment

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Growing Up Feminine

• 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore
• Multiple definitions of womanhood may allow women
  to define themselves

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Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles

• For people who do not identify with and perform
  normative gender, sex, sexuality growing up
  difficult
• Gay men ostracized
• Lesbians scorned

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Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles

• Transgendered socially isolated
• Hard to find role models
• Hard to find acceptance

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Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles

• Seldom made identities or struggles public
• Changing as people demand recognition