Vividness

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Vividness HonestyWordiness

• Overview of Vividness Honesty
• Activity
• Overview of Wordiness
• Activity

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Vividness

• Vividness
• seeking the most specific, descriptive,
  effective, and appropriate word choice in writing
• Concreteness
• specific words that appeal to the readers senses
• Avoid Vagueness, and Avoid Ambiguity
• If you cant pin a sentence down to specifics,
  cross it off. You havent lost a sentence but
  gained clarity.

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Editing for Vividness

• The Saturn is a good car.
• The Saturn is a sporty, economical, reliable car.
• We had an exciting time!
• Our blood pressure blasted off, and we screamed
  ourselves hoarse.
• Abused children suffer mentally as well as
  physically.
• We see the scars and burn marks on abused
  children, but a mother screaming, I wish you
  were never born! scars them too.

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Eliminating Ambiguity in Adjectives

• Beware vague words
• Good Bad Great
• Nice Fantastic Sad
• Beautiful Success Ugly
• Awful Terrible Cute
• Awesome Big/Little Happy
• In revising for concreteness, re-see the things
  described think in pictures, not in words.
• Replacing vague words with specific ones will do
  more than any other technique to make your
  writing more tangible and clear.

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Eliminating Ambiguity Adverbs Adjectives

• Intensifiers a word that strengthens another
  modifier, noun, or verb
• Very -est (ending) excessively
• So extremely least
• Too definitely most
• Really
• Replace intensifiers with more concrete nouns or
  verbs where possible.

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Ambiguity in Adverbs/Adjectives

• He was the happiest man alive.
• He was ecstatic.
• The oil spill was extremely bad.
• The oil spill covered 300 square miles.

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Eliminating Ambiguity in Verbs

• To be is the dullest English verb.
• Other colorless, bland verbs include go, get,
  have, do, become
• Eat
• Feed, nourish, take a meal, break bread,
  breakfast, lunch, dine, feast, consume, devour,
  ingest, gulp, wolf down, gobble, nibble
• Good
• Worthy, honorable, excellent, honest, reliable,
  moral, wholesome, exemplary, pure, unsullied,
  satisfactory, fine, great, wonderful, splendid,
  first-rate, choice, select, sound, capital,
  tiptop, enjoyable, first-class

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Vividness Eliminating Ambiguity

• Janet walked very, very slowly.
• Janet dawdled.
• The car moved quickly away.
• The car sped away.
• Jack was an extremely big man.
• Jack was a Goliath.

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Eliminating Ambiguity Sentence Construction

• Avoid burying vivid words
• As the rush of people walk through the downtown
  area, the clanking and shaking of the old train
  is heard.
• As the people rush downtown, the old train clanks
  and shakes past.

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Vividness Concrete Verbs

• With guns drawn, three police officers ___
  (walked) toward the door of the warehouse.
• As we stared in fascination, an orange lizard ___
  (walked) up the wall.
• The four-year-old ___ (walked) onto the patio in
  her mothers high-heeled shoes.
• A furious customer ___ (walked) into the
  managers office.
• Two people who ___ (saw) the accident must
  testify in court.
• We crouched for hours in the underbrush just to
  ____ (see) a rare white fox.
• Three makeshift wooden rafts were ____ (seen) off
  the coast this morning.

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Vividness Concrete Verbs

• For two years, the zoologist ___ (saw) the
  behavior of bears in the wild.
• There was the cat, delicately ____ (eating) my
  fern!
• Senator Gorman astounded the guests by loudly ___
  (eating) his soup.
• All through the movie, she ____ (ate) hard
  candies in the back row.
• Within seconds, Dan had bought two tacos from a
  street vendor and _____ (eaten) them both.
• During rush hour, the temperature hit 98 degrees,
  and dozens of cars ____ (were) on the highway.
• A young man _____ (is) on a stretcher in the
  emergency room.
• Workers who ___ (are) at desks all day should
  make special efforts to exercise.

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Vividness Eliminating Ambiguity

• A car went around the corner.
• A battered blue mustang careened around the
  corner.
• Janet quickly ate the main course.
• Janet devoured the plate of ribs in two and a
  half minutes.
• The president did things that caused problems.
• The presidents military spending increased the
  budget deficit.

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Avoiding Redundancy

• At that point in time Lee attacked north for the
  purpose of scaring the Yankees.
• Then, Lee attacked north to scare the Yankees.
• The Capitol was entirely destroyed by fire.
• The Capitol was destroyed by fire.
• He had a long gray beard that had not been
  trimmed very recently.
• His long gray beard had not been trimmed
  recently.
• Ike brought tears of laughter to a great number
  of people with his jokes.
• Ike made a lot of people laugh with jokes.
• Those who commit murder are not deserving of the
  states mercy.
• Murderers do not deserve the states mercy.

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Dull, Vague Language

• A dog lies down in the shade.
• My head hurts.
• Everything about the man looked mean.
• I feel good today for several reasons.
• A woman in unusual clothes went down the street.
• The sunlight made the yard look pretty.
• What the company did bothered the townspeople.
• The pediatricians waiting room was crowded.
• As soon as he gets home from work, he hears the
  voice of his pet asking for dinner.
• The noises of construction filled the street.

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Concision Avoiding Wordiness

• Brevity
• Short
• Succinctness
• Briefness
• Pithiness
• Terseness

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Wordiness (or Conciseness)

• Concise Writing says as much as possible in as
  few words as possible.
• It is very interesting to compare what different
  essay writers have to say about writing essays.
  In our book we have different essays on writing
  by E.B. White, Alice Walker, and Joan Didion, who
  are all famous modern authors today.
• E.B. White, Alice Walker, and Joan Didion present
  three different views on writing essays.
• Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman
  Fuenches was totally exhausted by his last
  campaign, there was an expectation on the part of
  the voters that he would not reduplicate his
  effort to achieve office in government again.
• Because Congressman Fuenches was exhausted by his
  last campaign, voters expected he would not run
  again.

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Conciseness

• Conciseness
• Concise Writing says as much as possible in as
  few words as possible
• Wordy Better
• He went on to say He added
• The hat was red in color The red hat
• We proceeded to depart We departed
• In my opinion it seems to me I believe
• Ken was slugged by Joe. Joe slugged Ken.
• Due to the fact that Because

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More Examples

• The bureaucrats avoided some of the work they
  were assigned.
• The bureaucrats avoided some assigned work.
• The catalytic converter is used for the purpose
  of reducing air pollution.
• The catalytic converter reduces air pollution.

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Which is most concise?

• in this day and age
• in these modern times
• today
• at this point in time

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Which is most concise?

• the short and long of it
• to make a long story short
• a condensed recapitulation of transpired events
• a summary

21
Which is most concise?

• I repeat again, during the period that the office
  is relocating, we have taken the liberty of
  introducing flexible working hours.
• I repeat, during the period that the office is
  relocating, we intend to introduce flexible
  working hours.
• I repeat, while the office is relocating, we have
  taken the liberty of introducing flexible working
  hours.
• I repeat, while the office is relocating, we
  intend to introduce flexible working hours.

22
Which is most concise?

• It would be appreciated if, in the month of June,
  we were to engage in a dialogue.
• It would be appreciated if, in the month of June,
  we could have a chat.
• Please see me in the month of June.
• Please see me in June.

23
Which is most concise?

• Here is the report you asked for.
• Attached herewith please find the investigative
  literature you demanded.
• In view of the fact that you requested it, here
  is the report.
• As per your instructions, I have enclosed the
  report you asked for.

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Which is most concise?

• I am of the opinion that the letter in regard to
  the defective merchandise is of little merit.
• My personal opinion is that the letter about the
  defective merchandise is of little merit.
• I believe that the letter about the defective
  merchandise is wrong.
• My personal opinion is that the letter about the
  defective merchandise is wrong.

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Which is most concise?

• The pamphlet for the purpose of employee
  financial guidance is inaccurate and should be
  nipped in the bud.
• The pamphlet for employee financial guidance is
  inaccurate and should be nipped in the bud.
• The pamphlet for the purpose of employee
  financial guidance is inaccurate and should cut
  off at the pass.
• The pamphlet for employee financial guidance is
  inaccurate and should be reviewed.

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Which is most concise?

• The office relocation issue is as dead as a
  doornail, as of 9 a.m. this morning.
• The office relocation is cancelled, as of 9 a.m.
  this morning.
• The office relocation has been cancelled.
• At 9 a.m., senior administrators decided to
  cancel any office relocation.

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Which is most concise?

• In the eventuality the new position is created,
  it goes without saying that I will apply.
• If the new position is created, it goes without
  saying that I will apply.
• If the new position is created, I will apply.
• If the new position is created, as sure as the
  sun rises, I will apply.

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Which is most concise?

• We think that your claim is not valid.
• At this point in time, we are of the opinion that
  your claim is not valid.
• Today, we are of the opinion that your claim
  sucks.
• In our personal opinions, your claim does not
  possess sufficient validity.

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Avoiding Redundancy

• The Constitution was totally demolished.
• The Constitution was demolished.
• He is a completely unique artist.
• He is a unique artist.
• The railroad was extended a distance of 60 miles.
• The railroad was extended 60 miles.
• I plan to enter the field of nursing.
• I plan to become a nurse.
• In the fall of the year school once again
  reopens.
• School reopens in the fall.
• At that point in time, we faced a serious job
  crisis.
• Then, we faced a job crisis.

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Wordiness Eliminating Unnecessary Words

• The Constitution requires and says that the
  federal government of the United States must take
  a national census every ten years.
• At first, the original function of the census was
  to ensure fair taxation and representation.
• Since the first count in 1790, however, the
  census has been controversial. There have been
  several reasons why it has been controversial.
• One reason why is because there are always some
  people who arent included.
• The 1990 census, for example, missed almost five
  million people, many of whom were homeless with
  no place to live.
• For the 2000 census, the Census Bureau considered
  using statistical methods. The statistical
  methods would have been used instead of the
  traditional direct head count.

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Wordiness Eliminating Unnecessary Words

• The Bureau would have directly counted about 90
  percent of U.S. residents who live in the United
  States and then estimated the number and
  characteristics of the remainder of the rest of
  the people.
• Those who opposed the idea believed that in their
  opinion statistical methods would have introduced
  new errors that were mistaken into the count.
• The distribution of 100 billion in money, as
  well as the balance of power in the House of
  Representatives, depended on how and in which
  manner the census was conducted.
• Despite the controversy, the U.S. census still
  continues to serve a beneficial purpose that is
  for the good of the United States.