My Therapist Sez

1
Dr. Don Welch Moderator
Dr. Marcial Felan
Tonight
Turning Fights into Intimate Conversations
Elaine Hamilton
Karen Lenell
645 to 800 pm MPACT Center
Dr. Diana Sjostrom
Dr. Ben Lim
2
My Therapist Sez

• presents

3
Turning fights into intimate conversations

• By Karen Lenell

4
Fights are caused by conflict but conflict does
not cause fights
5
Its how we handle conflict that does or does not
cause fights
6
Conflict is defined simply as a difference in
what two people want, need or think.
7
Bottom line

• All the millions of responses to any conflict
  stem from only one of two goals-
• The goal to protect myself from pain, or
• The goal to learn more about myself and partner

Learn mode is open, soft and curious Protect mode
is closed, hard and defensive
8
Learn Mode is discovering answers to

• What beliefs are underneath my irritation?
• Why does my partners behavior affect me this
  way?
• Why is it so important for me to be right?

9

• We all have important reasons for responding
  the way we do and your partner's reasons are just
  as important as yours.

• (Go to Skylines website under My Therapist
  Sez and listen to my seminar on The ABCs of
  Marriage from November 2008 to learn more about
  why we respond the way we do.)

10
When we stop accusing each other, (protect
Mode)then we can be concerned for one
another(learn mode).
11
Intimacy is created in the process of getting to
the resolution, not in the resolution itself.
12
The real nitty gritty
Youre already in a fight!

• Take a time out to cool down
• Walk out the door and come in again, (i.e. delete
  and backspace)
• Agree to hold that thought and pick it up again
  at a better time

13
The real nitty gritty
If the fight has not yet started but the issue
has turned into a fight in the past

• Prepare your spouse
• Set an appointment
• Pray!
• Youre on the same team, so be nice to each other

14
Dr. Don Welch Moderator
Dr. Marcial Felan
Tonight
Turning Fights into Intimate Conversations
Elaine Hamilton
Karen Lenell
645 to 800 pm MPACT Center
Dr. Diana Sjostrom
Dr. Ben Lim
15
Dr. Don Welch Moderator
Next Month
Letting Go of Resentments
Dr. Luis Vargas
Dr. Marcial Felan
Wednesday, June 3, 2009 645 to 800 pm MPACT
Center
Donna Dennis
Gary Cundiff