Process of Immediate Marriage Preparation

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Process of Immediate Marriage Preparation

• Disposition of Couples

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Assisting Couples

• How do we make the vision incarnate in their
  lives?
• How does theology become flesh?

Theology of the body is the consistency between
theology human person It takes form in his
acts character.
Become what you are A living epistle
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Need to know

• Where they are?
• What we need to say?
• How do we say it what do we do?

• What is their Disposition?
• What is our Content?
• What is our Process?

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Questions and Challenges

• Where are the couples?
• What are the challenges?
• What do they need?
• What are our objectives?
• How do we do it?

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Time

• Known each other
• Time spent together
• Time to prepare
• 12 month engagement allows opportunity for
  building a relationship with the couple

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Where are they?

• Practice acceptance of Faith
• Interfaith (46)
• Maturity proper disposition
• Cohabitation /or premarital sexual relation
• Family life
• Tend to respect the priest

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Maturity and proper disposition

• Generosity or Selfishness
• Ignorance of Faith
• General Education of the individuals
• Temperance
• Stability
• Prudence
• Right choices

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Cohabitation and/or pre-marital sexual relations

• Fear, Guilt, Anger, Intemperance
• The use of contraception
• These affect one's openness to turn to God.
• Non-Practice of faith

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What was their family life?

• Remote preparation is the major influence upon
  the couple.
• There is a relationship between family
  experiences and one's attitude towards the
  Church.
• This can affect trust and confidence.

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Cultural Influence

• At the root of these negative phenomena there
  frequently lies a corruption of the idea and the
  experience of freedom,
• conceived not as a capacity for realizing the
  truth of Gods plan for marriage and the family,
• but as an autonomous power of self-affirmation,
  often against others, for one own selfish well
  being.

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Freedom

• A capacity for realizing the truth of Gods plan
  for marriage the family
• Free to do what is good.

• Possess knowledge of truth
• Nature of marriage
• Possess oneself
• Virtue

Our objective is to help them see the truth in
love to identify form the habits of love.
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Cultural Influence

• Ideologies
• Cynical view of marriage
• Lack of recognition of proper authority
• Moral authority of the Church
• Futility

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Ideologies promoting selfish tendencies Cynicism

• Hedonism
• Consumerism
• Relativism
• Subjectivism
• Utilitarianism

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Cynicism

• The culture expresses a cynical view of life
  marriage
• this may sometimes be perpetuated by the priest
• Children as objects with relative value
• The dignity and meaning of the child is lost.
• The child" is separated from marriage.
• Cynicism a most common dynamic in modern life

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Futility

• Couples are becoming more aware of the futility
  of the worlds view of marriage hope that the
  Catholic vision may be possible

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Lack of recognition of proper authority

• Failure to acknowledge the moral authority of the
  Church
• Yet they come to the Church to get married.

Why?
They want something more
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See the vision

• Use Theology
• Use Philosophy
• Use Natural Law
• Use Common Sense
• Use Life experience
• Use Humor anecdotes

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Section Use of demographics

• To know something about people
• To help people know something

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To know Religion doesnt hurt a soul
87 studies on religious practice
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To know Frequency of Church Attendance relates
to health
The more frequently one attends Church
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To know Interfaith marriages faces particular
challenges

• The divorce rate is 3-4 times that of mutual
  faith
• Majority of these couples do not practice
• At least one is weak in their faith

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Demographics help us to know

• Practice attitude towards religious moral
  values
• The effect of religious practice on healthy
  unhealthy family life
• The effect of contraception upon divorce
• The effect of cohabitation pre-marital sexual
  activity on divorce
• The physical effects of contraception

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Couples attending Pre-Cana Prayer

• 69 Pray alone
• 24 Pray as a couple
• 40 Daily

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Couples attending Pre-Cana Mass or Religious
Service

• 42 Attend each Sunday
• 21 3 times/ month

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Couples attending Pre-Cana Penance

• 28 1-5 times/ year
• 9 6-10 times/year
• 32 do not receive once/ year

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Divorce Tribunal, Most Common Dynamics

• Single life patterns
• Church attendance
• Material goods
• Parental influence
• Alcohol drugs

• Communication
• Disagreements
• First child
• Ambiguity about children
• Contraception

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Does Contraception cause divorce?
Divorce rate doubled
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To know Contraception causes divorce
50 of increase in divorce due to contraception
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Cohabitation Sexual Activity

• Cohabitation increases divorce 50-100 over
  those who do not cohabit.

• Sexual activity prior to 17
• 61 chance of infidelity
• Abstain to 21
• 17 chance of infidelity

Rate of infidelity
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Couples attending Pre-Cana Values Healthy
Marriage

• 99 See relationship of religious values
• 99 See relationship of good habits
• 94 Openness to life and love
• 95 See child as greatest treasure

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Couples attending Christian Sexuality Workshops
consider NFP Contraception

• See relationship of contraception divorce
• 46 disagree
• 37 no opinion
• NFP healthy marriage
• 44 agree
• 31 no opinion

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Engaged Couples

• Do not see
• harm of contraception
• meaning of openness to life
• value of child

• See
• NFP related to health
• Religious moral values
• Futility of world

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Survey Results of A Sincere Gift of Self Workshop
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Disparity of ideals and actions
See contraception causes divorce
Weekly Mass
1st intercourse spousal
No contraception last intercourse
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Process of Marriage Preparation

• Section Objectives

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Major Objectives
Increase probability of the formation of a
valid covenant
Increase potential for living that covenant
Understanding Capacity
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Secondary Objective

• Remote Preparation
• Forming the couple to form their children
• Place marital pedagogy in the hands of couples
  before they are parents

A Sincere Gift of Self Couples Manual A Living
Sacrament
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Pastoral Education Healing

• The effect of the wounds from pre-marital sexual
  activity and cohabitation.
• Ignorance about the good of marriage, human
  sexuality
• Lack of sufficient catechesis

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What is the Essential Understanding?

• Essential theological vision
• Vocation
• Vow Covenant
• Sacrament
• Goods of Marriage

• Theology of the body
• Meaning of Christian Sexuality
• Honesty, Symbol, Justice the marital act
• How theology takes form in body and soul

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Capacity

• Virtue
• Family values
• Communication
• Attentiveness
• Healing effects of wounds

Character Effective will to live out vow
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Process of Marriage Preparation

• Immediate Preparation Process

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Remember where we are headed

• Religious practice

• Open to life

Do not contracept
Mass Penance Prayer
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Opportunity to form
Sincere Gift Workshop
Initial Contact
Covenant Love
Diocesan/Parish Program
Wedding
Retreat
12 months
Prenuptial Inquiry
Liturgical Prep
Foccus/PMI
Rehearsal
Individual sessions with priest
Living Sacrament
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A Spiritual Journey

• Establish relationship with the couple
• Move them incrementally through vision
• Provide tools for discernment development

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Christian Married Life

• A Sincere Gift of Self
• Preparation Sequence
• Making the tasks easier

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Spiritual Journey

• 8. Family Goals
• 7. Family Dynamics
• 6. Gift of Children
• 5. Christian Sexuality

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

• 4. Adjusting to Marriage
• 3. Vow
• 2. Communication
• 1. Marital Love

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Logic Preparation sequence

• A sequence must meet the couple where they are
  establish common ground between the couple the
  Church.
• The sequence continues in steps that allow the
  vision to unfold within the mindset of the couple
  
• They see the vision as something happening within
  them not foreign to them.
• Questions exercises allow them to integrate the
  points within their own lives.

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Contraception NFP
Meaning of marital act
Sexuality Symbolism Honesty Justice
Make the vision incarnate
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Begin with the couple

• Couples desire for each other
• Affective love
• Communication skills
• Talking Listening
• Types of Love

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Questions build relationship disposition

• Why are you here?
• Motives, churchs authority, they want her
  approval, . . .something more.
• Is it marital love or deception?
• A vital personal assessment that provides logic
  for role of the Church discernment
• What do you love about each other?
• Identifies affective love, virtues, friendship
• Is there proof of love?
• Marital act and vow are related, act expresses
  vow, expresses proof of love
• Is pleasure more important than friendship?
• Marital act more than pleasure
• Should a husbands passion act without respect
  for his wife?
• Logic of temperance, respect and chastity vs.
  lust, prepares for contraception
• What are the values/qualities of a healthy
  family?
• Identifies family values
• Prepares for virtue, communication, the child,
  family roles, sexuality
• What things will make you happy?
• Identifies the desire for God, priorities of
  life, vocation

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Authority of Church

• The Church is the guardian of marital love She
  understands it.
• Couples come to the Church. Why?
• They seek Her approval
• Couples desire for Something more
• Sacred, Goods, Sacrament, Happiness

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Dispose them to meaning of marital act with
common sense

• Scenarios can help the couple to assent to points
  which lay a foundation for later considerations.
• Scenario 1 Is there proof of love?
• Scenario 2 Marital act is related to vow more
  than pleasure
• Scenario 3 Logic of temperance, respect
  chastity vs. lust

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Dispose them to meaning of sacrament marital act

• Discussion understanding, communication virtue
• Dignity Value

• These issues represent the most practical aspects
  of married life and will be the most critical
  topics for happiness in daily life.
• Marital relations
• Communication
• Parenting
• Conflict resolution

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Discernment tools

• Family Roles
• Communication
• Skills Values
• Virtue
• Goals Objectives
• Living consistently
• Changes Adjustments

The couple considers themselves in light of very
practical aspects of married life.
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Essential Dynamics

• Attentiveness
• Expressing values
• Anger
• Escape Hatch

Most of the couples difficulties will relate to
these dynamics.
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Couples Manual

• Main points for understanding marriage
• Authoritative principles
• Explanations
• Illustrations graphics
• Exercises

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The Presentations

• Main points
• Explained by speaker
• Supported by
• Main points in Couples Manual
• Reinforced by transparencies, slides or PowerPoint

• Stories illustrate
• Integration questions
• Couples Dialogue

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Whats the Point?

• Sincere gift provides theme
• Clear points (3-5) for each theme
• Priest or Couple present
• explanation
• anecdote illustrating the points.

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Exercises

• Reflection
• Integration
• Identify own position
• State position
• Dialogue

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A Sincere Gift of Self was critiqued by the
Dale Carnegie Institute

• They gave it a high rating

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Christian Married Life is Effective

• 10 of what we read
• 20 of what we hear
• 30 of what we see
• 50 of what we hear and see
• 70 of what we say
• 90 of what we say and do

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Dale Carnegie
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Christian Married Life Uses Effective Media

• Couples manuals highlight main points
• Transparencies Powerpoint available
• Provides vocabulary defines terms

• Dynamic
• Concise to the point
• Primary points are clear in outlines
• Combine presentations, reflection integration

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In Sum A Sincere Gift of Self

• Has the couples seeing and hearing the
  presentations.
• They also do something in the exercises
• Afterward they talk to each other about the
  points that are important to them how they
  apply to their personal lives.

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In Sum Essential Understanding of the Vision of
Marriage

• Family Values
• Nature of Married love
• Communication
• Virtues, character maturity

• Vocation to marriage
• Vow Covenant
• Sacrament
• Goods of marriage

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In Sum Essential Understanding of Human
Sexuality

• Marital act
• Meaning
• Honesty
• Justice
• Continence

• Regulating birth
• Moral criteria
• NFP
• Contraception

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In Sum Essential Understanding of the Tasks of
the family

• Form community of persons
• Serve life
• appreciate meaning of a child
• educate the children
• Participate in society
• Share in Churchs mission

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In Sum Essential Tools for Every Day Living

• Family roles styles
• Goals objectives
• Listening skills
• Attentiveness
• Anger forgiveness
• Escape hope
• Pain happiness

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In Sum Essential Tools for Adjusting to Married
Life

• Problem dynamics that threaten marriage
• Expectations, changes adjustments
• Types of love
• Proving love in marriage

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In Sum Helps Develop a Spiritual Life

• Importance of sacramental prayer life
• Habit of confession
• Corporal spiritual works