Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

1
Chapter 7

• Resolving Interpersonal Conflict
• Quiz Wed.

2
Conflict and Confrontation

• Definition A perceived divergence of interest,
  or a belief that the parties current goals
  cannot be achieved simultaneously.
• I cant get what I want if you get what you
  want.

3
Goals

• To accept human differences as inevitable
• To help you lose your fear of conflict
• To teach you methods to help you get what you
  want and protect yourself
• To present alternative to fight or flight
  behaviors
• To learn to problem solve instead of desiring
  revenge!

4
Interpersonal Styles

• Passive fear of risk of speaking holds you back,
  no power
• Assertive skills result in powerful approach
  without overpowering
• Aggressive fear of losing something causes
  attack, ineffective power

5

• Exercise on page 367, change 1 to 4.00!
• 2. You just got home and started playing video
  games or got on the phone with a friend and your
  mom comes in
• 4. or friends are taking advantage of you having
  a car or money

6
Say It With I Messagesp. 387

• When you
• I feel
• Because (not required unless its a judge or law
  enforcement officer!)
• Id like or Id prefer
• Write your own response and then share it with
  the group. Do 2 and then 6 in class. Finish
  the others at home.

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Conflict Advantages

• It is a symptom of discontent
• It produces change for the better
• It produces gains, innovations, and new ideas.
• It fosters unity and understanding
• It brings about behavior changes

Conflict is good when
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Conflict Disadvantages

• It escalates arguments
• It leads to hostility and fear
• When it is suppressed it leads to resentment and
  disrespect

Conflict is bad when
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Conflict Resolution Strategies

• Yielding
• Withdrawing
• Inaction
• Contending
• Problem Solving

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Conflict Resolution Strategies

• Yielding giving into the other person
• Occurs when issue isnt more important, the
  others goals are more important to you than your
  own, the relationship is unstable (new or
  stressed), approval from others is important to
  you or you feel threatened.
• Advantages use as a bargaining point, saves
  time and hassles, prevents escalation of the
  conflict.
• Disadvantages low joint benefits, you are
  rewarding intimidating behavior, you end up with
  regrets, you can feel cheated, manipulated, angry
  at self and others, resentment develops which
  hinders future cooperation.

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Conflict Resolution Strategies

• Withdrawing abandonment of the conflict,
  physically or psychologically.
• Occurs when there is high concern for self and
  low concern for others, you have a better
  alternative, people feel spiteful and angry or
  threatened.
• Advantages diminishes sense of frustration,
  forces us to find better alternatives, buys time
  for cooling off and reminds other party they have
  a stake in the relationship.
• Disadvantages conflict is not resolved, low
  joint benefits, high frustration level is
  possible, harms future cooperation.

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Conflict Resolution Strategies

• Inaction non-coping strategy that comes from
  procrastination or denial.
• Occurs when low concern for goals, issue seems
  unimportant, people fear conflict, people do not
  want to get negative attention.
• Advantages if time can solve the problem,
  avoiding it can be the solution, avoids
  defensiveness when the issue is sensitive, when
  confronting the conflict would escalate it.
• Disadvantages hostilities grow and fester
  beneath the surface, the problem compounds, no
  joint benefits, high social and economic costs,
  high stress.

13
Conflict Resolution Strategies

• Contending is arguing for your way, believing
  only one person can win and it should be you,
  comes from a scarcity mentality.
• Occurs when high concern for self, low concern
  for others, fear of losing, hostility and
  rigidity exist, believe joint gains are
  impossible, one has the ability to contend such
  as having position, power, resources, and better
  alternative, you know the other person will give
  in.
• Advantages winning allows you to feel
  successful and you get what you want, you appear
  powerful.
• Disadvantages you may feel guilty, people dont
  like you, you may get your way and you may have
  the wrong plan.

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Six Contentious Tactics

• Ingratiation the more you like me the more
  youll cooperate so Ill use flattery, our
  similarities, and do you favors.
• Persuasive Argumentation get others to lower
  their demands by using a series of logical
  arguments. Convince them it will cost too much
  in terms of time, dollars, or status, and
  convince them it is in their favor to ask for
  less, use fear!

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Six Contentious Tactics

• Promises If you do this, Ill do that
• Advantages promises are usually reciprocated,
  creates indebtedness, feels like its based on a
  sense of fairness, gives positive incentives
  instead of threats.
• Disadvantages costs you something to keep the
  promise, youll have to offer more reward next
  time, can ruin you if you dont follow through,
  determining the size of the reward is tough,
  promise too much and you will pay too much,
  promise too little and you wont get the
  cooperation.

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Six Contentious Tactics

• Gamesmanship one-upmanship and manipulation
• Types of manipulation
• 1. The victim
• 2. Crying or pouting
• 3. Blaming

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Six Contentious Tactics

• Threats if/then propositions
• Advantages cost nothing if they work, more
  effective in the short run than promises,
  threatener can benefit when reneging on the
  threat by looking benevolent, some see threats as
  a form of justice, i.e. if you dont do what I
  want, youll deserve what you get!
• Disadvantages threats beget threats, dislike,
  suspicion, hostility, aggression, compliance not
  commitment, avoidance.

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Six Contentious Tactics

• Dirty Tactics personal attacks (character
  assassination, i.e. you always try to make me
  feel guilty, you are the problem) lies, sabotage
  and back stabbing, talking about you to others as
  though you are the problem.