Friendship, Love,

1
Chapter 5

• Friendship, Love,
• and Commitment

2
Chapter Outline

• The Importance of Love
• Love and American Families
• Friendship, Love, and Commitment
• The Development of Love the Wheel Theory

3
Chapter Outline

• How Do I Love Thee? Approaches to the Study of
  Love
• Unrequited Love
• Jealousy the Green-eyed Monster
• The Transformation of Love From Passion to
  Intimacy

4
Research Findings Differences Between Love and
Friendship

• Best friends were similar to spouse/lover
  relationships in levels of acceptance and
  confiding, trust, respect, understanding,
  spontaneity,and mutual acceptance.
• Lovers had much more fascination and a sense of
  exclusiveness with their partners than did
  friends.

5
Research Findings Differences Between Love and
Friendship

• Love had greater potential for distress,
  conflict, and mutual criticism, but it ran deeper
  and stronger than friendship.
• Friendship appears to be the foundation for a
  strong love relationship.

6
Research Findings Differences Between Love and
Friendship

• Shared interests and values, acceptance, trust,
  understanding, and enjoyment are at the root of
  friendship and form a basis for love.
• Adding passion and emotional intimacy alters the
  nature of the friendship.

7
Central Attributes of Love

• Trust
• Caring
• Honesty
• Friendship
• Respect
• Concern for the others well-being

• Loyalty
• Commitment
• Acceptance of the other
• Supportiveness
• Wanting to be with the other
• Interest in the other

8
Central Attributes of Commitment

• Loyalty
• Responsibility
• Living up to your word
• Faithfulness
• Trust
• Being there for the other in good and bad times

• Devotion
• Reliability
• Giving your best effort
• Supportiveness
• Perseverance
• Concern about the others well-being

9
Feelings Identifying Love

• Four feelings identifying love
• Caring for the other. Wanting to help.
• Needing the other. Having a strong desire to be
  in the others presence.
• Trusting the other mutually exchanging
  confidences.
• Tolerating the other accepting faults.

10
Important Factors in Commitment

1. Balance of costs to benefits What am I getting
   out of this relationship?
2. Normative inputs Values about love,
   relationships, marriage, and family.
3. Structural constraints Depending on the type of
   relationship different roles and expectations are
   structured in.

11
Wheel Theory of Love

• Love develops and is maintained through four
  processes
• Rapport
• Self-revelation
• Mutual dependency
• Fulfillment of intimacy needs

12
Reisss Wheel Theory of Love
13
Six Basic Styles of Love

1. Eros love of beauty
2. Ludus playful love
3. Storge companionate love
4. Mania obsessive love
5. Agape altruistic love
6. Pragma practical love

14
Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type Commitment Passion Intimacy
Liking - -
Infatuation
Empty love
Romantic love
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Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type Commitment Passion Intimacy
Companionate love
Fatuous love
Consummate love
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Triangular theory of love

• Views love as consisting of three components
• Intimacy
• Passion
• Decision/commitment

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Triangular Theory of Love
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Ten Signs of Intimacy

1. Wanting to promote your partners welfare.
2. Feeling happiness with your partner.
3. Holding your partner in high regard.
4. Being able to count on your partner in time of
   need.
5. Being able to understand each other.

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Ten Signs of Intimacy

1. Sharing yourself and your possessions with your
   partner.
2. Receiving emotional support from your partner.
3. Giving emotional support to your partner.
4. Being able to communicate with your partner about
   intimate things.
5. Valuing your partners presence in your life.

20
Triangles of Love
21
Attachment Theory of Love

• Views love as being similar in nature to
  attachments we form as infants.
• The attachment (love) styles of both infants and
  adults are
• Secure
• Anxious/ambivalent
• Avoidant

22
Styles of Unrequited Love

• Cyrano style Desire for a relationship
  regardless of how hopeless.
• Giselle style Misperception that a relationship
  is likely to develop.
• Don Quixote style Desire to be in love.
• Anxious/ambivalent adults are most likely to be
  Cyranos, avoidant adults to be Don Quixotes and
  secure adults to be Giselles.

23
Jealousy

• Occurs because of a partners real, imagined, or
  likely involvement with a third person.
• Most likely in committed relationships because of
  the presumed specialness of the relationship.
• Fear of loss, coupled with insecurity, increases
  the likelihood of jealousy.

24
Time and Romance

• Time affects romantic relationships.
• The rapid growth of intimacy tends to level off,
  and we become habituated to passion.
• Commitment tends to increase, provided that the
  relationship is judged to be rewarding.

25
Romantic love

• Romantic love may either end or be replaced by
  intimate love.
• Many individuals experience the disappearance of
  romantic love as a crisis.
• Romantic love seems to be most prominent in
  adolescence and in early and later stages of
  marriage.