Elements of Writing

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Elements of Writing
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Elements of WritingObjectives

• Write in the Army Writing Style

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• Communicate Effectively?
• The Battle of Balaclava

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Half a league, half a league,Half a league
onward,All in the valley of DeathRode the six
hundred."Forward, the Light Brigade!"Charge for
the guns!" he saidInto the valley of DeathRode
the six hundred. "Forward, the Light
Brigade!"Was there a man dismay'd?Not tho' the
soldier knewSomeone had blunder'dTheirs not to
make reply,Theirs not to reason why,Theirs but
to do and dieInto the valley of DeathRode the
six hundred.
The Charge of the Light Brigade by Alfred, Lord
Tennyson
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The Order

• Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to advance
  rapidly to the front--follow the enemy and try to
  prevent the enemy carrying away the guns. Troop
  Horse Artillery may accompany. French cavalry is
  on your left. Immediate.

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Into the Valley of Death

• Battle of Balaclava, 25 Oct 1854
• Charge of the Light Brigade
• About 700 charged
• Only 195 returned

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Charge of the Light Brigade

• Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to advance
  rapidly to the front--follow the enemy and try to
  prevent the enemy carrying away the guns. Troop
  Horse Artillery may accompany. French cavalry is
  on your left. Immediate.

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Huh?

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and
  collided with a tree I dont have.
• I collided with a stationary truck.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The other driver was all over the road. I had to
  swerve several times before I hit him.
• Id been driving my car for 40 years when I fell
  asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

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Huh?

• I was on the way to the doctors with rear end
  trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing
  me to have an accident.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my
  automobile, and vanished.
• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was
  attempting to swerve out of its path when it
  struck my front end.

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?

• He is sometimes prone to take advice, but has
  made great strides to overcome this fault.
• He failed to demonstrate any great weakness.
• This officer could put a cutting edge on a
  marshmallow.

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From a Joint Pub

• Combatant command chaplains coordinate provide
  religious support to forces assigned within the
  theater advise on the religious, cultural, and
  ideological issues that affect the achievement of
  theater security objectives support combatant
  commanders time-sensitive planning, operations,
  and execution regarding religion, as well as
  cultural and ideological information coordinate
  with IO staff officers, to assist in the analysis
  and assessment of military Courses of Action
  where there are religious, cultural and
  ideological implications and collaborate with
  civil affairs to during pre- and post-crisis when
  there is a religion, culture, and ideology equity.

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TOP STUDENT QUOTES

• After three attempts, they retreated their first
  try.
• Portions of what he writes is hearsay but
  everything was researched for authenticity
• This book contains all the details that are
  missing...
• Had the Germans been able to infiltrate ground
  forces as part of their counterattacks, the
  gained information from these soldiers probably
  would have allowed greater losses ultimately
  seeking a greater objective.
• Now in the Spring of 1863, it was time for the
  North to move on to destroying the souths
  aggression against the states and the South to
  move on to stopping the North from impeding its
  Northern ideas.

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TOP STUDENT QUOTES

• The American suffered over 1,000 soldiers killed
  in action, 260 soldiers captured, and hundreds of
  non-cambodian casualties...
• The terrain offered man made obstacles such as
  streams, swamps, and thick vegetation.
• Arnolds horse was shot shortly after, but
  continued to shout for the troops to fight on!
  This motivates soldiers to continue to press the
  fight.
• When all hope seems to have disappeared, the only
  hope that remains is the course of action to be
  taken.
• They see the bridge still spawning the Rhine.

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Army Writing Standard
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Spelling

• Often overlooked by writers
• Seldom overlooked by readers
• Negative impression
• When in doubt?
• The evils of Spellcheck

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Sound Alikes--Not Alikes

• Accept vs except
• Ensure vs insure
• Their vs theyre vs there
• Its vs its
• Too vs to
• Youre vs your
• More?

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Most Important Ingredient of Army Writing?
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Target Your Audience
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Word Choice

• Use conversational words, including personal
  pronouns and contractions.
• --We vs This company
• --Wont vs Will not

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Word Choice

• Use shorter, simpler words whenever you can.
• --Start vs Initiate
• --Do vs Accomplish
• --Ask vs Query
• --Use vs Utilize
• --Cheap vs Inexpensive

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If You Had A Choice

• . Due to the fact that most writers have a
  tendency to be wordy, you can probably cut
  approximately 30 percent of the words in a first
  draft without really affecting the meaning to any
  serious extent.
• . You can cut about a third of a first draft
  without affecting the meaning.

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Too Wordy

• Your attention is invited to...
• It must be remembered that...
• I would like to take this opportunity...
• It would appear that...
• It is important to note that...

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Extra Words

• I personally believe...
• Currently attending...
• Actual fact...
• Definite deadline...

• Genuine concern
• Exceptionally Meritorious
• Definite Asset
• Kills Bugs Dead

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Desirable?

• Sergeant Johnson did well on his PT test.
• The team performed admirably on the ARTEP.
• Several Soldiers are missing in action.
• He received numerous accolades from higher.

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Remember...

• Simple Does Not Mean
• Simple-Minded

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Passive Voice

• Uses two verbs
• (1) Any form of the verb to be (am, is, are,
  was, were, be, being, been), and
• (2) The past participle of a main verb (usually
  ending in ed, en, n, t, or d.
• Example The Soldier was selected for the detail.

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Red Flags for Passive Voice

• Grammar rule.
• Wheres the doer of the action?

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Passive Voice

• Specialist Green was counseled.
• Specialist Green was counseled by Sergeant
  Parker.
• Sergeant Parker counseled Specialist Green.

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Bottom Line Up Front

• Putting your main point at the beginning of your
  correspondence.
• Must be stated no later than first line of second
  paragraph.

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Blacklisted Words?

• Generally, no words are blacklisted except for
  obvious exceptions like profane, racial, sexual,
  sexist, or other remarks in poor taste.

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PE 1
(Word Choice)
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PE 1 Solutions fromWhat They Never Told You
in English 101By Lucie Barron Eggleston
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A Few Army Style Rules

• Write out numbers less than 10.
• Exceptions
• --Dates Addresses
• --Measurement (time, length, width, weight)
• (3 miles, 8 minutes, 7 pounds, 9 years)
• --Decimals, percentages, fractions
• --Vehicle/weapon systems designations
• --Where space is much more critical

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Style Rules

• Only capitalize specific names, places, and
  things.
• Ranks Capitalize only when used with someones
  name.
• Units Capitalize only when used with the units
  alphabetical or numerical designation.

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Style Rules

• Unless an abbreviation/acronym is well known,
  spell it out the first time you use it--followed
  by the abbreviation/acronym in parentheses. Then
  use the abbreviation/acronym in subsequent
  references.

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Style Rules

• Example The Soldier must calibrate the
  automatic monitoring device (AMD) before
  beginning the test. However, the AMD is easy to
  calibrate.

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Style Rules

• Dont begin a sentence with an abbreviation or
  acronym, including abbreviated ranks.
• Exceptions Where space is much more critical.

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Style Rules

• Dont put periods in between the letters of
  abbreviations or acronyms.
• Exception U.S. (U.S. Army, U.S. Armed Forces,
  U.S. military)

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References

• Your boss
• Your unit
• Your post
• AR 25-50
• Style Manual (US Government)

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PE 2
(Rewrite Sentences)
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Possible Solutions (PE2)

• 1) During a routine security inspection, I found
  the Alpha Company weapons storage facility door
  unlocked and open.
• 2) Thinking Private Jones had properly cleared
  his weapon, SFC Butler declared the firing line
  dry.
• 3) SGT Smiths award cant be approved without
  additional information.

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Possible Solutions (PE2, cont)

• 4) Some Soldiers being considered for promotion
  havent completed their weapons training due to
  range and ammunition shortages.
• 5) John Wayne has been described as brilliant, an
  American icon, and immortal.
• 6) Yesterday morning, SPC Jones completed the
  companys office supply inventory.

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Possible Solutions (PE2, cont)

• 7) On 15 August, Mrs. Dolly Madison will start 3
  months of maternity leave. I need computer
  support during her leave. Please approve a
  temporary secretary.
• 8) Do not hire civilians until we approve the
  concept plan for the provisional agency. Hire
  qualified programmers and accountants quickly so
  financial programs are in place when the next
  fiscal year starts.

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Poor communication kills Soldiers!!