Writing

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Writing Critical ThinkingWorkshop

• Clarity Clutter
• Why a Paragraph?
• Redundancy Reduction Rules

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Clarity Clutter

• Writing Workshop

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The GoalIf you remember nothing else
the reader is in serious trouble most of the
time, a man floundering in a swamp, and it is
the duty of anyone attempting to write English to
drain this swamp quickly and get his man up on
dry ground, or at least throw him a rope.1
1 Strunk, W. and White E.B. The
Elements of Style (NY Macmillan, 1979), p. xvi
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If you remember nothing else
the reader is in serious trouble most of the
time, a man floundering in a swamp, and it is
the duty of anyone attempting to write English to
drain this swamp quickly and get his man up on
dry ground, or at least throw him a rope.1
1 Strunk, W. and White E.B. The
Elements of Style (NY Macmillan, 1979), p. xvi
!
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Clutter
Fighting clutter is like fighting weeds the
writer is always slightly behind. New varieties
sprout overnight, and by noon they are part of
American speech. 1 1 William
Zinsser, On Writing Well (NY HarperCollins
Publishers, 2001) p. 7
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Clutter is ..

• laborious phrases that push out shorter words
  with the same meaning
• e.g., now becomes at this point in time,
  used becomes utilized, helped becomes
  facilitated
• ponderous euphemisms
• e.g., slum becomes a depressed socioeconomic
  area, test becomes individualized assessment
  instrument
• official jargon used to misrepresent, distort and
  deflect
• e.g., civilian deaths becomes collateral
  damage, dismissals becomes reduction in
  force
• indirect phrasing (such as the passive voice)
  when direct works just as well
• a study of the problem was undertaken by the
  group instead of we studied the problem
• simple redundancy
• e.g., current working title instead of working
  title, precipitously sharp decline
• stylistic repetition of the same thought
• impossible adjectives
• e.g., most unique, almost pregnant
• any other stylistic flourish that stands
  between your thoughts and your readers
  understanding

From William Zinsser, On Writing Well (NY
HarperCollins Publishers, 2001), pp. 15-16
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Orwells rules to use when instinct fails

• Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of
  speech which you are used to seeing in print.
• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut
  it out.
• Never use the passive where you can use the
  active.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific phrase
  or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday
  English equivalent
• Break any of these rules sooner than say anything
  outright barbarous.

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Practice
Consider the following sentences. Declutter them.
For each, construct a sentence that conveys the
same meaning with the fewest possible words.
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Example

• In the United States, crimes are committed every
  day that send an increasing number of our
  population into prisons. 19
• The U.S. prison population is increasing. 6.

10
Example

• While it is often believed by students that use
  of the passive voice enhances the impact of the
  ideas that are proposed by an author, the
  contrary is true. 29
• Students often believe the passive voice
  increases impact. Theyre wrong. 10

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Example

• Among the myriad factors to be evaluated in
  constructing an academic essay, including style,
  logical integrity, narrative flow and verbal
  dexterity, the maximization of minimal semantic
  units is, perhaps, least conducive to enhanced
  perspicuity. 35
• Adding words is the worst way to improve clarity.
  9

12
Example

• There is an adverse relation between verbosity,
  prolixity and redundant reiteration on the one
  hand and cognitive integration on the other. 22
• Clutter impedes clarity. 3

13
Clutter exposed
Put square brackets around every unneeded
component in a piece of writing that isnt doing
any work. Often just one word gets bracketed.
Sometimes brackets surround an entire sentence
one that essentially repeats what the previous
sentence said. 1 1 Zinsser., p. 17
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The Process

• Work through an entire paragraph (or an
  entire section of the essay) ruthlessly
  bracketing as you go.
• Repeat the process.
• Now return to the beginning and create a
  readers version rewrite the marked-up section
  with the goal of reducing word count by at
  least 35 without losing critical information or
  your own voice.
• Compare the two versions for clarity and
  comprehensibility. (Be sure to read them out
  loud).
• If youve cut too much, you can always add it
  back. Odds are this wont happen.
• You might even want to try the same exercise
  once again with the uncluttered result to make
  sure you havent missed anything.
• Note This paragraph has been bracketed but not
  fully decluttered as an illustration.

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Example A
I would like to do a comprehensive study of
product distribution, price and promotion in the
Scotch whisky industry. The current working
title of my research project is Uisge Beatha.
The Water of Life. The Scotch Whisky Industry
Breathing Life into Other Industries. As a
result of this study I will have research
conclusions concerning product distribution,
price and promotion in the Scotch industry from
which I expect to draw implications that will
have meaning and value to managers in other
industries. 82
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Example A - Bracketed
I would like to do a comprehensive study of
product distribution, price and promotion in the
Scotch whisky industry. The current working
title of my research project is Uisge Beatha.
The Water of Life. The Scotch Whisky Industry
Breathing Life into Other Industries. As a
result of this study I will have research
conclusions concerning product distribution,
price and promotion in the Scotch industry from
which I expect to draw implications that will
have meaning and value to managers in other
industries.
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Example A - Uncluttered
I propose a comprehensive study of product
distribution, price and promotion in the Scotch
whisky industry. The projects working title is
Uisge Beatha. The Water of Life. The Scotch
Whisky Industry Breathing Life into Other
Industries. Based on this study I expect to
draw implications valuable to managers in other
industries. 51 Word count 51/82 62 (38
reduction)
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Example B
I would like to research U.S. aid for foreign
disasters in order to find out what motivates
concern and aid for some disasters but not
others. I want to bring out the inequity in U.S.
foreign aid. The questions that need to be
answered are when does the U.S. get involved in
foreign disasters and what are the underlying
circumstances? How do the following make a
difference in concern and aid given what caused
the disaster (natural or man-made), what region
of the world it takes place in, what time of year
it occurred, was it sudden or a long time coming,
what race(s) are involved, what is the political
climate in the U.S. and in the affected
country/region, amount of news coverage, and the
scope (how would it affect the U.S.). 132
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Example B - Bracketed
I would like to research U.S. aid for foreign
disasters in order to find out what motivates
concern and aid for some disasters but not
others. I want to bring out the inequity in
U.S. foreign aid. The questions that need to be
answered are when does the U.S. get involved in
foreign disasters and what are the underlying
circumstances? How do the following make a
difference in concern and aid given what
caused the disaster (natural or man-made), what
region of the world it takes place in, what time
of year it occurred, was it sudden or a long
time coming, what race(s) are involved, what is
the political climate in the U.S. and in the
affected country/region, amount of news coverage,
and the scope (how would it affect the U.S.).
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Example B - Uncluttered
I will research U.S. disaster relief policy to
determine what motivates disaster aid. I want to
investigate inequity in U.S. foreign aid for
disaster victims. Relevant questions might be
When does the U.S. provide disaster aid and what
are the underlying circumstances? What caused the
disaster (natural or man-made)? What region of
the world it takes place in? In what season did
it occur? Was it sudden? What race(s) are
involved? What is the political climate in the
U.S. and in the affected country/region, amount
of news coverage, and the scope (how would it
affect the U.S.)? 97 Word count 97/132
73 (27 reduction)
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Now try it on your own sample
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Why a Paragraph?

• Writing Workshop

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13. Make the paragraph the unit of composition
The paragraph is a convenient unit it serves all
forms of literary work. Ordinarily a subject
requires division into topics, each of which
should be dealt with in a paragraph. The object
of treating each subject in a paragraph by itself
is, of course, to aid the reader. The beginning
of each paragraph is a signal to him that a new
step in the development of the subject has been
reached. As a rule begin each paragraph either
with a sentence that suggests the topic or with a
sentence that helps the transition. If a
paragraph forms part of a larger composition, its
relation to what precedes or its function as a
part of the whole, may need to be
expressed.1 1 W. Strunk E.B. White,
Elements of Style (NY Macmillan, 1979), pp 15-16
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Relationship to the topic sentence

• Restate or otherwise clarify the topic sentence
• Elaborate on the topic sentence
• Support (provide a reason for believing) the
  topic sentence
• Draw implications of consequences from the topic
  sentence
• Explain the situation presented in the topic
  sentence
• Other be specific

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Example
Fight and TalkPresident Bush is taking chances
with U.S. troops why not with his
diplomats? Friday, January 12, 2007 A18
1PRESIDENT BUSH promised in his speech
Wednesday night to "use America's full diplomatic
resources" in support of his new plan to
stabilize Iraq. But 2the tour of the region
that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is
beginning today looks like a sideshow. 3Ms.
Rice will talk with Israelis and Palestinians and
meet with ministers from Egypt, Jordan and the
Gulf states her idea, she told the Senate
Foreign Relations Committee yesterday, is "to
work with those governments that share our idea
of where the Middle East should be going." Since
4that excludes two of Iraq's neighbors, Iran
and Syria, as well as the two countries that now
stand in the way of progress in the Palestinian
territories and in Lebanon -- again, Iran and
Syria 5 it's hard to see how her diplomacy can
accomplish much.
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Clarity ClutterRedundancy Reduction Rules

• Writing Workshop

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Use active rather than passive verbs

• Examples
• An account was opened by Mrs. Simms.
• Your figures were checked by the research
  department.

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Convert phrases into single words

• Examples
• The employee with ambition...
• Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested
  at our last board meeting the installation of
  microfilm equipment in the department of data
  processing.

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Convert phrases into single words

• Examples
• The employee with ambition...
• Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested
  at our last board meeting the installation of
  microfilm equipment in the department of data
  processing.
• At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff
  Converse suggested that we install microfilm
  equipment in the data processing department.

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Eliminate unnecessary that, who and which clauses

• Examples
• The report, which was released recently...
• All applicants who are interested in the job
  must...

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Dont overuse noun forms of verbs
(nominalizations)

• Examples
• The function of this department is the collection
  of accounts.
• The current focus of the medical profession is
  disease prevention
• Using the action verbs disguised in
  nominalizations as the main verbs--instead of
  forms of be --can help to create engaging rather
  than dull prose.

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Eliminate circumlocutions

• Examples

the reason forfor the reason thatowing/due to
the fact thatin light of the fact
thatconsidering the fact thaton the grounds
thatthis is why
as regardsin reference towith regard
toconcerning the matter ofwhere is concerned
is able tohas the opportunity tohas the
capacity forhas the ability to 
because, since,why
can
about
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Eliminate unnecessary modifiers

• Examples
• Any particular type of dessert is fine with me
• Balancing the budget by Friday is an
  impossibility without some kind of extra help.
• Frequent offenders

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Omit repetitive wording

• Redundant pairs

terrible tragedyend resultfinal outcomefree
giftpast historyunexpected surprisesudden
crisis
past memoriesvarious differenceseach individual
_______basic fundamentalstrue factsimportant
essentialsfuture plans