Build a Positive Relationship with Your Child

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Build a Positive Relationship with Your Child

• JUNYUAN SECONDARY SCHOOL Meet-The Parent Session
  
• 6 March 2008

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Adolescent TransitionsSetting the Stage

• Biological changes associated with puberty
• Cognitive changes
• Identity and identity experimentation
• Autonomy, independence, and self-reliant
• Social Transitions
• Parent-Child relationship (conflict, intimacy)
• Increase importance of Friendships

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Parent and Youth Stress

• Arguments and conflicts - homework, curfew,
  rules, friends.
• Requests for even more - independence.
• Exaggerating issues of fairness
• Feelings of loss - teens separate from family
  Effect is
• Challenges to parental authority
• BUT
• Teenagers value the "open line" even though they
  will not always make use of it.

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Ways to Build a Positive Relationship with your
child

• Promote Positive Communication
• Talk with your child
• Listen and value what they have to say
• Encourage them to discuss problems - large and
  small
• Show positive regard
• Set aside time each day to have a conversation
  with your child

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Do I Talk TO my Teen?

• Parents who talk to teens are often
• Reminding, threatening, blaming, questioning,
  ordering or judging.
• This style is used to pressure teens into doing
  something parents want them to do.
• Effect is decreased communication.
• How does it feel to be constantly threatened,
  criticized or lectured at?

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Do I Talk WITH my Teen?

• Parents who talk with teenagers listen.
• Listening to what teens are thinking, feeling or
  wanting to do.
• Understand and accept teens' points of view.
• Respect freedom to express views or share
  feelings and concerns.
• Parent teen relationship is often highly
  emotional and always evolving.
• Both parents and teens want to be heard,
  understood and accepted.

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How to Talk with your Teen

• Be genuine
• Convey warmth and openness
• Allow differing views points
• Listen carefully and make an effort to understand
  the teen's perspective
• Empathize remember how it felt like being a teen

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Still Talking

• Use "I" statements.
• Use specific statements when giving feedback.
• Clarity is important. Avoid Vague statements.
• Work together and be supportive.
• Look for common ground.
• Be brief and avoid lecturing.
• The 30 second gauge.

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Deadly Seven Vs Connecting Seven

• Criticizing
• Blaming
• Complaining
• Nagging
• Punishing
• Threatening
• Rewarding to control

• Caring
• Trusting
• Listening
• Supporting
• Negotiating
• Befriending
• Encouraging

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Ways to Build a Positive Relationship with your
child

• Show and speak your love remember the five
  languages of love
• Build healthy self esteem recognise the
  positives in your child and help them grow their
  strengths
• Promote positive attitude and values
• Know your childs friends
• Teach your child to manage his or her free time
  fruitfully

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Ways to Build a Positive Relationship with your
child

• Set Boundaries
• Be firm, fair and consistent
• Set realistic limits
• Clarify acceptable and unacceptable behaviors
• Discuss with child consequences for unacceptable
  behavior
• Monitor behavior and enforce consequences

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Restorative Practices
OWNERSHIP OF BEHAVIOUR

• Basic Principles
• - Show students what they have done
• - Give students ownership of the problem
• - Give students opportunity to fix the
  problem
• - Leave dignity intact
• - Allow restoration through restitution,
  
• resolution and reconciliation.

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Restorative Practices

• What were you thinking when .
• What have you thought since we started
• Did you do the right thing or the wrong thing?
• Who has been affected by what you did?
• How can you fix it for all those who are
  affected?
• How can I help you?

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Creating Time Together

• Driving
• Talks have to be meaningful
• Asking the right questions
• What doing, enjoyment, who with, plans
• Go to where he/she is
• Stopping by her/his room
• Plan an outing together
• Talk daily
• Write notes
• Use humor
• Praise daily

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Remember!!!!!

• Parents are important.
• Parents will always be their child's first and
  foremost teacher.
• Parents provide support and structure to the
  lives of their teens.
• The more you listen to your teen, the more he or
  she will listen to you.

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Thank You