Proofreading

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Proofreading

• Active Voice and Sentence Sense

2
Which paragraph do you prefer?

• The City Council will hold a meeting for
  discussion of the possible expansion of the
  basketball arena. If Council members are in
  agreement about the need, they will have a
  consulting firm proceed with investigation of the
  feasibility.

• The City Council will meet to discuss whether to
  expand the basketball arena. If Council members
  agree about the need, they will hire a consulting
  firm to investigate the feasibility.

3
Weak Verbs

• The first paragraph contains weak verbs like
• is (or other variations of to be are, was, were,
  will be)
• have (has, had)
• make
• deal with
• add
• give
• do
• use
• become

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Strong Verbs i.e. Active Verbs, Active Voice

• Adds energy to writing.
• Establishes responsibility.
• Example of passive voice
• A decision was reached by the board.
• Change to active voice
• The board reached a decision.

5
Convert Passive Voice Sentencesto Active Voice
Sentences

• The report was written collaboratively by three
  engineers.
• Some magazines are more specialized than others
  by dealing with just one topic, such as science
  or art.
• The report has been shortened by three pages.
• Computer chips are made of silicon.

6
Better

• The report was written collaboratively by three
  engineers.
• Three engineers collaborated on the report.
• Some magazines are more specialized than others
  by dealing with just one topic, such as science
  or art.
• Some magazines specialize in just one topic,
  such as science or art.

7
And better

• The report has been shortened by three pages.
• Jason shortened the report by three pages.
• Computer chips are made of silicon.
• Manufacturers make computer chips of silicon.

8
Creating Cohesion Using Mix of Nouns and Pronouns
Natural selection is the central concept of
Darwinian theorythe fittest survive and spread
their favored traits through populations. Natural
selection is defined by Spencers phrase
survival of the fittest, but what does this
famous bit of jargon really mean? Who are the
fittest? And how is fitness defined? We often
read that fitness involves no more than
differential reproductive success---the
production of more surviving offspring than other
competing members of the population. Whoa! cries
Bethell, as many others have before him. This
formulation defines fitness in terms of survival
only. The crucial phrase of natural selection
means no more than the survival of those who
survive---a vacuous tautology. (A tautology is a
phrase---like my father is a man---containing
no information in the predicate a man not
inherent in the subject my father.
Tautologies are fine as definitions, but not as a
testable scientific---there can be nothing to
test in a statement true by definition. Stephen
Jay Gould, Ever Since Darwin
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However, Reduce Redundancy

• Redundant
• A career in the medical profession
• Hospital facility
• Time period
• Red in color
• Upright Position
• Money Resources
• Field of Industry

• Edited
• A career in medicine
• Hospital
• Time
• Red
• Upright
• Money resources
• Field industry

10
Proofread

• Circle all verbs. Switch passive verbs to action
  verbs clarify responsibility if passive voice
  remains.
• Use a mixture of nouns and pronouns to create
  cohesion.
• Next, make terms concrete. Delete unnecessary
  repetitions.

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Sentence Sense

• It is correct to write
• My brother graduates from college this month.
• He will enter med school soon.
• It is incorrect to run 2 separate sentences
  together
• My brother graduates from college this month he
  will enter med school. (run-on)
• My brother graduates from college this month and
  he will enter med school. (run-on)

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It is also incorrect to join two separate
sentences with only a comma My brother
graduates from college this month, he will enter
med school soon. (Comma splice)
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Ways to join complete sentences

• A semi-colon ()
• A comma plus a coordinating conjunction
  (and/but/or, etc.)
• Or rewrite one of the sentences so it is
  dependent on the other
• After my brother graduates from college this
  month, he will enter med school soon.

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The Correct Ways to Join Sentences

• Sentence. Sentence.
• Sentence sentence.
• Sentence, conj. (and/but/or) sentence.
• Dependent marker dependent clause, sentence.
• Sentence dependent marker dependent clause.
• Sentence independent marker, sentence.

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Compound Verbs

• Also do NOT use a comma when you have a compound
  verb in a sentence.
• My brother graduates college this month and will
  enter medical school soon.

16
Punctuation Practice

• Punctuate the following sentences
• She studied diligently she wanted to pass the
  course
• She doubted the value of mediation however she
  decide to try it
• The song has ended but the melody lingers on
• When he stood to wave to the crowd he was greeted
  with a rousing ovation
• To get a parking place you have to arrive before
  730

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Punctuation Choices

• She studied diligently she wanted to pass the
  course
• She studied diligently. She wanted to pass the
  course.
• She studied diligently because she wanted to
  pass the course.
• She studied diligently she wanted to pass the
  course.

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Punctuation Choices

• She doubted the value of mediation however she
  decided to try it
• She doubted the value of mediation however, she
  decided to try it.
• She doubted the value of mediation, and she
  wanted to try it.

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Punctuation Choices

• The song has ended but the melody lingers on
• The song has ended, but the melody lingers on.
• The song has ended. The melody lingers on.
• Although the song has ended, the melody lingers
  on.

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Punctuation Choices

• When he stood to wave to the crowd he was greeted
  with a rousing ovation
• When he stood to wave to the crowd, he was
  greeted with a rousing ovation.
• To get a parking place you have to arrive before
  730
• To get a parking place, you have to arrive
  before 730.

21
Proofread

• Check for comma use. (see Proofreading for
  Commas.htm
• Circle this and that. If use in excess, think
  of better words or leave out all together.