The Insiders Guide to Foster Care

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The Insiders Guide to Foster Care

• Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the
  Foster Care System

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The Insiders Guide to Foster CareReal Life
Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care
System

• By Alysa Law and the
• 2008-2009 ILS Class

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Table of Contents

• Dedication
• The Goal
• Facts on Foster Care
• Definition and Placements
• Reasons
• Statistics
• Trends in Foster Care and Adoption
• Fostering Families
• What IS and IS NOT needed
• ILS
• The Authors
• Personal Pages
• Ideal Situations
• Tips and Advice for KIDS
• Tips and Advice on Relationships
• Tips and Advice on Conflicts
• Tips and Advice on Communication
• Tips and Advice on Goals and Knowledge
• Tips and Advice for PARENTS

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Dedication

• I dedicate this handbook to the 2008-2009 ILS
  class and Deanna Ese. This handbook could not
  have been done without any of them. All of the
  students gave their best advice and really put
  themselves out there to help others. Deanna was
  so helpful and did so much to get the project
  going. Thank you all so much, I truly mean that
  I could not have done it without any of you!

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The Goal

• The goal for creating this handbook was to help
  out those entering the foster care system. It is
  something that can be used for new kids in the
  system and even new foster parents. This advice
  comes from real kids in the foster care system
  today. The kids explain what it most important
  in getting though everyday situations from
  relationships to conflicts and communication.
  Everything that is important to them in the
  interaction between a foster parent and a foster
  child is included and emphasized. Our hope is for
  this to be a useful tool for anyone needing a
  little help on how to get through tough
  situations and the foster care system!

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Facts on Foster Care
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Definition and Placements

• Foster Care a full-time substitute care of
  children outside their own home by people other
  than their biological or adoptive parents or
  legal guardians (Woodward).
• Placements can last for a varied amount of time,
  from one day, to several months or years.
  
• Kinship Placement
• Non-relative
• Treatment Foster Care
• Institution
• Group Home

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Reasons

• Children enter into the foster care system for a
  number of reasons
  
• Abuse
• Neglect
• Unsafe environment
• Uncontrollable Kids
• Behavior Issues
• Parents
• Substance abuse
• Incarceration
• Mental health problems
• This can cause other problems for the kids, and a
  rough transition into the foster care system.
  

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Statistics

• There are around 500,000 children in foster care
  in the US today.
  
• There are over 30,000 children in foster care in
  New York
  
• On average, a child who enters into the foster
  care system will remain in foster care for 32
  months
  
• Half will return to their biological parents
• Every year around 18,000 youths age-out of the
  foster care system.
  
• About 1/4 of the children entering foster care
  for the first time are infants (Woodward)
  
• 60 of foster care children are under the age of
  4 (Woodward)
  
• 1/3 of the foster care population consists of
  teenagers
  
• Poor children are more likely to be in foster
  care than children from middle class families
  (Woodward)

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Trends in Foster Care and AdoptionFY 2002-FY
2007(Based on data submitted by states as of
January 16, 2008)Source AFCARS data, U.S.
Children's Bureau, Administration for Children,
Youth and Families
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Fostering Families

• There are NO typical foster families, all of them
  are different! A foster parent can be
  
• Married
• Single
• A renter
• A homeowner
• A male
• A female
• A parent
• Middle Class
• White
• Person of Color
• Etc.
• There is NO typical foster parents either!

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What IS and IS NOT Needed

• Needed
• Love
• Patients
• Energy
• A secure and giving environment
• Knowledge on taking care of children
• Everything needed to support a child
• NOT Needed
• Parental experience
• Marriage
• A high income

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Individualized Living Skills

• The ILS Program is for foster kids ages 14 to
  whenever they are legally on their own or when
  their caseworkers feel it is no longer
  necessary.
• This program helps students develop the skills
  they will need to be on their own
  
• Skills and Topics include..
• Relationships
• Communication
• Conflicts
• Driving
• Cooking
• Cleaning
• Etc.
• It is required that foster kids attend this
  program once they turn 14!

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The Authors
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• Talking things out if I have trouble
• Talking them if I need something

• I would love to take my foster parents to my
  concerts and plays

• Driving a car
• Talking and Communication
• Trust

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• Feeling Comfortable
• They are understanding

• Being able to understand them
• Being able to talk to them

• Have things in common
• They should be able to understand teens

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Group 2
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Taras Ideals

• You can always trust them
• count on them

• I wish I could talk more to them

• Trust Is important

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• Law and Order SVU

• Helping Ruth (Previous Foster Mom) Cater
• Riding my bike

• Homemade Mac Cheese
• Tuna Noodle Casserole

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Aarons Ideals

• I Get Spoiled
• There are very nice

• I get to do a lot with them

• Do What I Get To Do.
• Always Included

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Group 1
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Nicks Ideals

• Feeling Comfortable
• Talking to them

• Go Bowling
• Hang Out

• To keep control
• Watch what they do

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Most Important Ideals

• Everyone agrees that these are most important
• Being treated like a part of the family, not just
  a foster kid needing a place to stay!
  
• RESPECT
• Feeling comfortable and being able to trust their
  foster parents

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Tips and Advice for

• KIDS

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Tips and Advice for Kids

• Relationships
• What are some tips or advice that you would give
  other kids about relationships? (Example How to
  handle certain situations, how to ask for help,
  what to look out for in a bad relationship, or
  what to look for in a good relationship, etc.)

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Relationships

• Relationships with Foster Parents
• Be prepared to know that there will be rules.
• Become familiar with and respect the rules that
  are set, they will get you far!
  
• Help foster parents out and get to know them,
  they do not know who you are either!
  
• Give RESPECT-Get RESPECT!
• Be helpful and tell the truth!
• Relationships with Friends
• Be yourself!
• Be honest to yourself and others.
• Relationships with Caseworkers

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Tips and Advice for Kids

• Conflicts
• What are some tips and advice on handling
  conflicts whether it is with a parent, friend,
  etc? (Example What are things you should say or
  not say, how to react or not react, etc.?)

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Conflicts

• Conflicts with Foster Parents
• Be calm, cool and collective!
• Tell the TRUTH!
• Control your anger, and talk once you have
  settled down.
  
• They may be mad at you, but they do not hate you
  and will not treat you any differently
  
• The best thing to do is to talk about what is
  bothering you, and be completely honest with your
  foster parent. They will be open to and
  cooperative to what you are saying and feeling.
• Conflicts with Friends
• Dont follow in their footsteps, if they are not
  doing the right things!
  
• Stay calm and tell the truth
• Keep your distance and give them and yourself
  space, everyone needs it! Dont be afraid to
  tell them that either! They will respect your
  decision sooner or later and if they do not maybe
  they are not your real friends!

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Tips and Advice for Kids

• Communication
• What are some tips and advice that you would
  give kids on how to communicate with their foster
  parents? (Example What are things you should
  talk about, what are some things you would want
  to talk about, what are some things that you
  always wish you could share, etc.?)

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Communication

• Communicating with Foster Parents
• Tell them what you feel comfortable telling them,
  they are there to support you.
  
• If you need something ask, dont go without it!
• Talk about interests and hobbies.
• Let them know your likes and dislikes.
• If you are not sure about something, whether it
  is about rules, curfews, going out, etc. make
  sure you always ask. Dont just assume!
  
• Communicating with Friends
• Share interests and hobbies.
• Let them know when you do not feel comfortable
  about something.
  
• Communicating with Caseworkers

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Tips and Advice for Kids

• Goals and Knowledge
• What are some key things that have helped you
  become who you are? What has being in foster
  care taught you? What is some advice to you
  would give another kid going into foster care for
  the first time? Any other goals you have?

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Goals Knowledge

• Be friendly to your foster parents and anyone you
  form a relationship with!
  
• Know that you do matter a lot to many people.
• Learn from mistakes, experiences, and life
  lessons.
  
• Be calm and understanding.
• Stay in school and go to college.
• Make life long friends, but be yourself.
• Always trust and respect yourself, it will become
  easier for others if you can do this!
  
• It takes some time getting use to, but you will
  get through it!

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Tips and Advice for

• PARENTS

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Tips and Advice for Parents

• Relationships
• What are some tips and advice you would give a
  new foster parents on how to talk to or deal with
  their foster child on relationships? (Example-
  signs they should look for, how should they
  approach you, how should they handle your
  reactions, how to handle certain situations, etc.)

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Relationships

• Relationships with Foster Kids
• Give them time to adapt and get use to their
  situation.
  
• Talk to them as if they are your own child.
• Be understanding and respectful!
• Keep in mind that they are not with their own
  family, and that is tough!
  
• Take in what you can handle, you should be able
  to form a good with relationship with everyone.
  That could be hard with too many kids!
  
• Share interests and rules.
• Be fair for everyone.
• Give them the love they deserve!
• Relationships with Caseworkers

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Tips and Advice for Parents

• Conflicts
• What are some tips and advice on how to handle a
  conflict with their foster child? (Example- How
  could they approach them, what sort of tone
  should they use, how should they handle the
  situation, etc.?)

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Conflicts

• Conflicts with Foster Kids
• Use a clam voice!
• Make rules and enforce them!
• Discipline them as you would your own kids, and
  if you do have your own kids discipline them all
  the same!
  
• Dont be too harsh, but be fair!
• Give each other space to calm down and think
  things through!
  
• Be honest and express what you are feeling about
  the situation!
  
• Make sure to listen to them, as well as give your
  side and perspective of the conflict!
  
• Follow through with things!
• Use their caseworker to help you out, they are
  their for the child and have known them for quite
  some time! They will help both of you and can
  even be a facilitator if necessary.

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Tips and Advice for Parents

• Communication
• What are some tips and advice on how foster
  parents can communicate with their foster child?
  (Example- How to approach kids to talk about a
  sticky situation, how to know what is going on
  without being too nosey, talk about their lives,
  etc.?)

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Communication

• Communication with Foster Kids
• Give them plenty of space!
• They will talk when they want to, dont be too
  pushy or demanding!
  
• Ask questions!
• Share interests and talk about rules and
  situations.
  
• Explain things if needed!
• Be open and loving, give them time to talk, but
  also have them listen. It is great to teach each
  other the importance of listening and
  communicating in a peaceful and productive
  manor!
• Communication with Caseworkers
• Again, they are there to help you and your child.
  It is important to communicate with the
  caseworker what is going on in the housegood and
  bad!
• They want success just as much as you and the
  child, be open to what they have to say!
  

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Tips and Advice for Parents

• Goals Knowledge
• How can they help you achieve what you want to
  achieve? What can they do to make sure your
  goals are met, etc.?

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Goals Knowledge

• Help them with what they want to achieve
• Keep in mind that they need as much support as
  you can give them, they are outside their element
  and it can be hard to get into the swing of
  things!
• Keep them motivated and always encourage them to
  do their best!
  
• Help them set goals for their future, such as
  college if they are at that age.
  
• Always be there and dont be afraid to ask
  questions, you will not always know everything!
  
• Be yourself and set a good example for the kids
  to follow, a lot of them have never had that!

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Resources and More Helpfor KIDS

• The Childrens Center
• http//thechildrenscenter.com/index.html
• Foster Club
• http//www.fosterclub.com/index.cfm
• Kids Data
• http//www.kidsdata.org/?gclidCN3a4Jf_wJcCFQN_Hgo
  dPHbEww
  
• AdoptUSKids
• http//www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/rrtPacke
  ts/newYork.aspx
  
• Foster Care Central
• http//www.fostercarecentral.org

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Resources and More Helpfor PARENTS

• National Foster Parent
• http//www.nfpainc.org/index.asp
• AdoptUSKids
• http//www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/rrtPacke
  ts/newYork.aspx
  
• The Childrens Aid Society
• http//www.childrensaidsociety.org
• Office of Children and Family Services
• http//www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare
• Foster Care and Adoptive Community
• http//www.fosterparents.com
• Foster Parent Net
• http//www.fosterparentnet.org

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Bibliography

• 2008-2009 ILS Class. Personal Interview. 18 Nov
  2008.
  
• Foster Club. Information and Statistics. 14
  Dec. 2008
  
• y.cfm.
  
• The Adoption Exchange. Resource Center. Adopt
  Us Kids. 2008.
  
• Childrens Bureau. 10 Dec. 2008
• .
• U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
  Trends in Foster Care and
  
• Adoption. Administration for Children and
  Families. 2008.
  
• Children's Bureau. 13 Dec. 2008
• /stats_research/afcars/