Choosing a Marriage Partner

1
Choosing a Marriage Partner

• Choice is the operative word

2
Arranged Marriages

• Develop in societies with strong family ties
• Where familism is clearly more central than
  individualism

3
Love and free choice marriages

• Love marriage is the overwhelming choice in the
  U.S. (86)
• Love as basis for relationships arose after the
  middle ages when courtly love (or patriarchal)
  love was born
• What are the PROs and CONs of this view

4
Exchange Theory

• Premises persons will always try to maximize
  their profit and minimize their costs in any
  exchange (include marriage)
• Bargaining chips attractiveness, personality,
  family status, intellect, etc
• Costs irritable, demanding , inept, family
  status, geographically inaccessible, etc.

5
Traditional Exchange

• Women offer attractiveness ability to bear
  children, do household chores, sexual
  availability
• Men offer protection, status and economic
  support

6
Marriage Gradient

• Hypergamy or Hypogamy
• Women traditionally try to marry- up
• Thus are 2 years younger than men

7
Homogamy vs heterogamy

• Shall we marry within our own
• Race
• Age
• Education
• Religious Background
• Social Class

8
Distinctions of Definition

• When referring to other groups of Christians, we
  speak of
• INTERDENOMINATIONAL
• When referring to groups other than Christians,
  we speak of
• INTERFAITH.
• Lutherans are not a different FAITH than
  Methodists, only a different DENOMINATION.

9
Interfaith Marriage

• Estimates are that
• 30 Jewish persons marry outside their faith
• 20 of Catholics marry outside their denom.
• 40 Muslims marry outside their faith
• And a higher yet of Protestants marry outside
  either their faith or denomination
• INVERSE relationship EDUC HOMOGAMY

10
Research tells us that

• heterogamous marriages are not as stable as
  homogamous ones
• (probably due to higher value consensus)
• Interdenomiational marriages are not less stable
  than same-denom. marriages IF
• there are good communication skills and similar
  beliefs involved
• Partners who do to church together have higher
  success rates in marriage.

11
Why heterogamous marriages have problems

• A. May have serious value interest differences
• B. Conflict may develop between different friends
  and associates of different partners
• C. heterogamous partners may be less
  conventional(confomring) in their values
  behavior than homogamous partners.

12
Attachment Theory

• Three Styles of adult relating related to
  childhood experiences
• 1. Secure
• 2. Insecure/anxious
• 3. Avoidant

13
Childhood ?Adulthood

• Internal working model for relationships is
  established in infancy early childhood
• And
• these expectations and feelings are trans-ferred
  to later relationships

14
Adult attachement styles

• Secure attachment style
• Anxious-ambivalent attachment
• Avoidant attachement style

15
More on attachement effects

• Studies of dating couples
• Studies of married couples