Overcoming Obstacles in Meetings and Consult

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PENT Forum 2005

• Overcoming Obstacles in Meetings and Consult

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Overcoming Obstacles in Meetings and Consultations

• First, Your Own, Then Others

Adam Stein Sonoma County SELPA
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Foundation, Formulation, Philosophy

• Heres mine you get more of what you pay
  attention to
• You see what you believe
• You hear what you expect
• You are driven by your view of the world, its
  people, and yourself
• The better you know yourself, the better you will
  understand the world and other people.

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Whats wrong with being right?

• Sometimes being right can hinder an agreement
  from being reached, or hamper relationship
  building.
• Ask yourself will being right resolve this
  issue? Will it make me feel better over time?
• Here are some thoughts on being right.

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On Being Right

• Human beings are perhaps never more frightening
  than when they are convinced beyond doubt that
  they are right.
• Laurens Van der Post, The Lost World of the
  Kalahari (1958)
• A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he
  has a right not only to be right but also to be
  wrong.
• Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) "Chi
• One of the hardest things in this world is to
  admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful
  in resolving a situation than its frank
  admission.
• Benjamin Disreali

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The Present of Our Presence

• The most precious gift we can offer others is our
  presence. When mindfulness embraces those we
  love, they will bloom like flowers.
• -Thich Nhat Hanh

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Obstacles to Success

• 1. Fear
• Your own fear of saying the wrong thing or of
  not being accepted as credible.
• Your own fear of missing something.
• Your own fear of our suggestions not working

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More Obstacles

• 1. Fear
• Others fear or distrust of being let down, may
  be based on history with you or what you
  represent
• Others Fear of getting too much work
• Others Fear of failing, or how to do something
  requested

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More Obstacles

• Yes people
• May agree to do almost anything but dont follow
  through or even implement.
• Watch for
• dont write things down.
• Little reflection
• Seldom or never say no.
• History of this

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More Obstacles

• No people, aka Yes, but
• May refuse even to make eye contact.
• Sounds like Ive tried that before and it
  doesnt work
• I couldnt possibly do that I have 3 other
  kids!
• Maybe we should be talking about a different
  placement.

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No People

• Watch for arms crossed, clock watching, not
  writing anything down, cold greeting

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More Obstacles

• Maintaining Effort
• Looks like People start and then stop
  interventions/plans
• Can be due to illness and missing work
• Can be due to students behavioral spike
• Can be due to disagreement among staff
• Can be due to lack of data collection
• Can be due to passive aggressiveness
• Can be due to poor understanding of plan

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What do you do?

• For all of these challenges, you must do your
  homework well.
• Who are the people youll be consulting with?
• Their interests
• Their histories
• Their biases
• What are your intended outcomes, and theirs?
• You must know this right at the start!

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What do you do?

• Seek to satisfy both yourself and your
  consultees!
• Seek the three satisfactions!
• Ask yourself this question
• If I were _____s parent, I would
  see/think/feel/want
• If I were ______s teacher, I would
  see/think/feel/want

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The Three Satisfactions

• Procedural How we are going to talk about what
  we talk about. Setting up any meeting! It
  matters!
• Setting the tone early contact, positive
  contact
• Defining agenda items and intended outcomes
• Gathering information
• Preplanning
• No surprises
• Respectful tone

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The Three Satisfactions

• Substantive The quality of the solution or
  outcome of the meeting
• Building consensus (true consensus!)
• Defining solutions and proposals are they SMART?
  (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic,
  Timely).
• Mutually acceptable agreements

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The Three Satisfactions

• Relational When the parties feel better
• Breaking bread, or even water!
• Active listening
• Defining interests
• Hearing the story
• When parties get what they can live with, not
  necessarily everything they wanted.

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Presumed Consensus Danger!

• Agreements fall apart
• Resentment builds
• Time wasted
• Conflict can escalate
• Loss of credibility as a mediator/negotiator

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Interests, Issues and Proposals

• Issues what we bring to the table
• Interests The needs that underlie what we
  pursue, and why these must be determined for a
  better result
• Proposals The solutions offered. They sometimes
  undermine interests

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Interests a la Abraham Maslow

• Basic physiological needs
• Need for safety and security
• Need to belong and be loved
• Need for respect and to be counted
• Need to know and understand
• Need for an aesthetic quality in our life
• Need for self-actualization

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Maslowes Hierarchy of Needs
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IEP Meeting or consultation Building an Agenda

• For IEP, use an IEP Meeting Agenda form
• Stick to the agenda as the road map for the
  process and hold others to it.

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IEP Meeting designing ground rules

• Here are the essentials
• Treat each other with respect both in verbal and
  physical language.
• Let people speak without interruption.
• Keep whats shared confidential
• Be brief with reports
• Turn off cell phones and pagers
• Keep an open mind!

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IEP Meeting checklists

• Review IEP Meeting Checklist
• Review IEP Meeting Follow-up list