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Thanx to the creator
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Deep within the Cheyenne Mountain lies the
secret to our planet's safety! Stargate,
Command. Now MolS star-reporter Delta666 had the
chance to meet one member of the legendary
flag-ship team of Stargate SG1 - Master Teal'c
and talk exclusively to the most famous alien
on our planet! Follow her to level 28 and
learn about things that have been never
revealed before..
I peak out of the car that brought me deeper and
deeper into Cheyenne Mountain , and after 10
minutes full speed down I wondered whether in
reality Stargate Command was located somewhere in
Europe and not in Colorado . But now finally
it stopped and I am allowed to escape the creepy
confines of the elevator car. Frankly I never
thought I would come this far after hours and
hours of checks, MRIs CAT scans and other crazy
stuff. I was about to click my heels three times
and get out of this military complex faster than
Dorothy thought ever possible. Still the
opportunity to meet the former First Prime of
Apophis and one of the worlds greatest heroes was
too tempting INDEED. Five SFs walk me through
the narrow grey corridors until we stop in front
of one of those large yet boring looking security
doors and, I am pushed to enter the room. Inside
6foot 5inches of muscle await me with an
unreadable face, yet friendly eyes, so I remember
my manners and introduce myself. I ask Master
Teal'c if he minds if I call him just Teal'c and
his reaction is more than I hoped for - he is his
usual self that I read about in
25
countless reports, and make a mental happy
dance when he answers "I do not,
Delta666" Since his room is blank I suppose it
is Tealcs room - and gives me no hints as to
where to start to get Teal'c talking, I decide to
complain about all the security and all the
checks I had to go through, and manage to make a
pretty good fool of myself and his answer is -
"INDEED" - well there went my star-reporter-reputa
tion and writer's awards - right out of the
imaginary window. Still I am amazed, Tealc is
about three times as old as me, yet he sits on
the hard floor with crossed legs and gives no
impression of being uncomfortable. This
Jaffa-thing really seems to have some advantages.
I apologise that I can not follow him to the
floor since I know for certain I wouldnt be able
to get up again without assistance and this
even though I go to the gym three times the week
and have a new diet! Tealc however, assures me
to make myself comfortable in what must be the
record for the shortest answer ever in interview
history. Yet to my great relief he seems to let
me off the hook and adds, after I place myself on
an uncomfortable plastic chair, Colonel ONeill
also has difficulties sitting on the floor in
such a pose. I think, I just started to grin
like a fool and the man seems to warm up. I take
my chances and start to dig a little deeper about
the ONeill matter and ask about his personal
experiences when he swapped bodies with
aforementioned Colonel. His eyes seem to glass
over and a very small almost undetectable line of
worry appears around his eyes. But he recovers
fast It was indeed a strange experience. Huh,
now, thats an interesting statement, and one
which I did not expect from the report I had read
about this mission and therefore decided I need
more clarification, so how so? His answer is
quiet surprising in its bluntness, yet not
outlandish in what it reveals, and I quote
His body is a strange place to inhabit, much
smaller and well - older, and, among other
things, I found myself feeling strangely
attracted to DanielJackson. And to make himself
even more clear about it It was a physical
attraction, ONeills body responded strongly
even when Machello was inhabiting the body of
DanielJackson.
Which leaves of course the legitimate question,
whether this was not kind of weird for our guest
from outer space. Tealc looks at me, his eyes
kind of sparkling, he gives me a small nod as if
he already expected this question of mine. It
was not. I am aware of the attraction that exists
between ONeill and DanielJackson. I was however
disturbed by the lack of a symbiote and the
strange dislike I had suddenly developed for
certain things I usually enjoy. Ohh, now we
enter the waters I was aiming for I mean the
Jack-Daniel attraction is not a gate secret,
everyone can see it, if not blinded with false
illusion but things Tealc does ENJOY with
capital E, now thats a whole new dimension we
enter here ladies and gentlemen. His answer
stunned me into momentarily speechlessness.
Tealc gets up, with a grace every ballet dancer
would envy him for, crosses the room and opens a
hidden cupboard. When he returns back to me he
carries a huge box with glittering silver
decoration, a smile yes no exaggeration of mine
graces his face. I enjoy listening to the
music of the Swedish Musical Group known to the
Tauri as Abba, -When I remember how to, I take a
deep breath to avoid fainting- however ONeill
does not, so, through his ears, it sounded
unpleasant to me. I was most perturbed to
discover that ONeill dislikes their compositions
so much. Tealc sets the box down and starts to
lovingly still no exaggeration pick out some
of his treasures, which seems to consist among
other things, of every single album Abba ever
published and even some that never got that
far. I use this moment to investigate further and
ask him what kind of music he did like instead,
and this time his answer makes me laugh.
26
I found myself wishing to listen to the type of
music that Apophis might have found appealing I
believe it is called Opera. I start to repeat
the phrase flagship-team over and over in my
head, but make a mental note to keep the opera
buff in mind for further usage, when Tealc
stuns me with yet another revelation "I do enjoy
Oprah however. It takes me awhile to connect
the dots, ohh Oprah as in Oprah Winfrey my
eyes widen and he tops the whole thing with
holding up what seems like a self-made-DVD which
he pushes to me. I find myself enthralled by
such shows. On the DVD is printed Best of
Oprah, Jerry Springer and Judge Judy.
Apparently this was a collective gift from his
team mates at least the comment written under
the headline makes me think this. The good thing
now is that I do not have to ask questions any
more. Tealc keeps talking about the matter. I
find it intriguing how the Tauri can indulge in
such petty disagreements when their very
existence is under threat from the System Lords.
I did ask DanielJackson his opinion, he was
unaware that such form of entertainment existed.
For one so knowledgeable, I find it perplexing
that he has such gaps in his knowledge of the
ways of the Tauri. I currently wished I would
have been as ignorant as Dr Jackson about this
matter but unfortunately I dont have this
advantage. I try hard not to visualise Tealc in
some fancy Abba-style disco-fashion, asking
instead what of the Tauri civilized culture he
else enjoys. I enjoy partaking of a Tauri
ritual known as karaoke. Where one chooses a song
and chants the lyrics in place of the original
artiste. It appears to be another ritual that the
Tauri indulge in on a regular basis. -no thats
Japanese, not human, they are way different, they
just must be an alien race themselves to bring
people around the world to the point to take part
in karaoke-
I did attempt to entice my team mates to one of
the rituals one Friday night, but, they were all
strangely busy. I suspect that it was subterfuge
to escape the trials of being judged by their
peers. However, I myself have to attend what is
referred to as a Sing off in which successful
participants engage in battle by attiring
themselves in ceremonial garments and attempting
to perform more competently than ones opponents.
I have engaged the services of DrFrasier to
assist me in selecting my battle dress. She has
suggested something called bell bottoms and an
Afro. Perhaps you can enlighten me as to what
these items are? I ask him whether I could
make a call and after just 30 minutes we get the
ordered items delivered. Tealc likes them a lot
despite his former doubt because of Dr
Fraisers evil sense of humour - and allows me to
take pictures of him in his new favourite free
time fashion. I pick up on his last comment and
assure him that Dr Jackson is the more dangerous
one of the two, if one is concerned about wicked
sense of humour. Especially if one considers the
things he has to put up with in case of the
Colonel. Indeed, is all he has to say. I
mumble that sometimes I would wish I could be a
fly on the wall and underestimate the
keen-eared Jaffa . He looks kind of funny at me.
Why would you wish to be a winged insect
clinging to a vertical surface Delta666? I
remember that Tealc is not from our planet
mentally kick myself and apology to him. Tealc
is patient with us ignorant Tauri and starts to
explain himself. There are still many
colloquialisms that I do not understand - for
example. Why does ONeill state so often that he
wishes to weep nosily, when in fact we are more
often than not in a situation that requires
stealth? And why does DanielJackson often state
he has No Idea when in fact he is abounding
with such?
27
movies like Alien and Star Wars but warns me
with repeated seriousness to never watch the
production MegaSnake, because of its
unworthiness to be labeled as the art of Science
Fiction. The sordidness that the human being
seems to bring into the milky way galaxy seems to
be more horrific than any other enemy known in
this and any other one. I am brought back from
my dark musings when Tealc invites me to watch
his recordings of the Eurovision Song Contest
former known as Grand Prix de la Chanson and beat
a hasty retreat, but not without promising him to
sent my head editor over, who in a wondrous way
enjoys such kind of entertainment. I hope we
will meet again, it was a pleasure..
I explain about figures of speech though I
assume Dr Jackson would do a far better job
than me, being a linguist and all this. StillI
cant help to notice that indeed seems to be
one of Tealcs most favourite words. In the 203
mission reports I have read he used the word
according to the reports of Dr Jackson, who even
remembers the dialogues from a mission 137
times. His answer is expedient Indeed,
Delta666, including a raised eyebrow which I
take for amusement. Thinking about my research
files I remember one red marked discovery jello
wrestling and since Tealc seems to enjoy
himself I quickly ask about it. I found it to
be a most intriguing form of combat, I did
suggest to Master Bratac that perhaps the female
Jaffa might benefit from such training. They are
often called to do battle in the mud. Jello
would be a most pleasing substitute and has
the benefit of being less malodorous than the mud
pits on Chulak. Huh, this statement just
shouts for Alice Schwarzer, hopefully she will
never get in touch with this interview so what
did Master Bratac do about the suggestion?
Jaffa Jello wrestling is now a most popular
spectator event on many of the Jaffa worlds.
MajorCarter was most puzzled when I requested
that she concoct a formula for a more dense form
of Jello. Tealc rambles on about the
advantages of blue Jello which, according to
MajorCarter is the absolute best, while my brain
wanders off to Dr Daniel Jackson by the mere
mention of blue which reminds me of his eyes.
But I manage to stop myself before finally
entering the lala-land and concentrate back on my
Abba-loving interviewee, who rejected the notions
that the Goauld are Gods, gave up everything to
help SG-1 fight them and free those they
oppressed. And is now living on Earth, in
quarters in the SGC, enjoying Euro pop, karaoke
and TV shows such as Oprah and Jerry Springer,
watches Jello Wrestling and enjoys our SciFi
Delta666
In memoriam to elvis
28
MolS- FanFiction Award
De Facto
Grin and bear it - by Jax
Would you quit staring?! Sam averted her gaze
quickly but couldnt help but look back. Im
sorry sir. She replied with a hint of a giggle.
But you have to admit its just a little bit
funny. Jack frowned. Its not and I wont. He
said with a huff. Daniel walked over to the team
after his chat with the villages leader Alkar.
He stopped just in front of Jack and tried to
suppress a smile, unsuccessfully, before
beginning to explain the situation. Well? Jack
prompted impatiently. Its not permanent, Alkar
said that you will turn back to yourself Jack
relaxed a little but his relief was short lived
as Daniel continued talking .eventually.
Eventually?Eventually?! What the hell does
that mean, how long am I gonna to be like this?
Daniel licked his lips before speaking knowing
that the answer he was about to give was not
going to please Jack at all. In a classic I
dont really want to tell you this manner Daniel
very quickly and very quietly answered Jacks
question. About two weeks. Even Sam, who had
found the whole situation really quite funny,
looked a little shocked at this. Tealc merely
raised an eyebrow and looked toward Alkar who
seemed entirely embarrassed a the situation.
Two weeks!! I cant stay like this for two
weeks, you make him change me back or so help
me. Jack. Daniel quickly cut him off.
Daniel! There isnt anything he can do, once
the transformation has occurred the only way to
reverse it is not take the Orsoni any more and
youll slowly revert back to normal. Jack
grumbled some words under his breath and then
sighed. At that moment Alkar cautiously walked
towards the group and bowed in a custom with his
traditions before talking. Once again I wish to
express my deepest apologies for the situation
that has arisen from you partaking in our customs
but I assure you, you will return to your natural
form in, what Dr Jackson has informed me, is two
of your earth weeks. Jack was about to say
something which would most probably have caused
offence when he noticed the look on Daniels face
and sighed. Yeah, wellthese things happen
right. Came Jacks unconvincing response to
Alkars apology. Sam smiled at the village
leader. Alkar? The Orsoni, does it have this
effect on your people? I dont see any of your
people who are..in the same situation as the
colonel.
The Spacemonkey Hug - Do those guys have
'sparkage' or what !!
When I saw that for the first time it was a
major 'WOW' moment (with some 'Squeeing' and
'Awww bless'). My reaction was 'OMG - that hard
bitten, sarcastic, ex-Special Forces USAF Officer
just cares so much for Daniel, the fact that the
'gate room's filled to the brim with Marines, his
CO, 2IC and one very stoic Jaffa doesn't bother
him in the least, all he's concerned about is
that 'His' Daniel is alive and well.' Well,
that was the hook for me. Talk about the warm
fuzzies! I was so happy to see Jack demonstrate so
tangibly how much he really cares for 'His'
archaeologist. That was when I really appreciated
THING! I sat there grinning at the TV screen like
an idiot - that hug served to affirm that Jack
and Daniel just belong to each other. Possibly
one of the most screen-capped, and included in
vid scenes, of the entire ten seasons of Stargate
SG-1 )? From then on I just breathlessly
waited for more THING in each episode, the
snarkiness, the arguing like a married couple,
the knowing what each other was thinking, the way
Daniel wouldn't leave Jack in the 'Fifth Race'
and lets face it, the way they habitually
locked eyes - all indications of THING. Of
course, there'd been prior indications - Jack's
reaction to Daniel's 'death' at his wake in 'Fire
and Water' Jack's out and out refusal to let
Daniel stay behind in 'Torment of Tantalus' and
let's face it, when all that hugging was going on
at the end of that ep, Jack was dying to give his
Danny a hug wink But good old Spacemokey Hug
was the icing on the cake (or 'frosting' for you
guys across the pond wink)?
Delta666
29
Alkar returned the smile. No it does not,
although it does have an effect which is why we
use it, we are not completely changed. It gives
us strength and a greater ability to keep
ourselves warm but we do not change into Yeah
yeah we get it, Im a one of a kindlucky old
me. Jack growled. Sam smiled but a part of her
did feel for Jack. So you use it for hunting?
Sam continued with her questions to Alkar. Yes,
where our hunters go to gather food is far colder
and covered in a far harsher terrain than here at
the village, many would not survive without the
Orsoni. We take it before our hunts and then
within one of our lunar periods we return to the
village and we no longer experience the effects
of the Orsoni. Jack stood listening to the
completely uninteresting conversation until a
thought struck him, a thought that he really
wished hadnt. Wait woah hold on there just a
cotton picking minute. You said this stuff
affects you guys but not like this right? Jack
whined, pointing to himself to emphasise his
condition. That is correct. Well how do you
know that Ill go back to little old me then? I
mean not that I doubt anything you say. He added
with just a hint of sarcasm. I have seen it
before. You have? Daniel asked curiously.
Yes, a man once came to this planet and
experienced the same effects as your Colonel.
And you let me take it anyway?! Jacks anger
o-meter had just gone up a few more notches and
was now dabbling in the Im going to break
every bone in your body range. I warned you
of the possible outcomes. No, you didnt.
Er actually he did Jack. No, he didnt,
Carter? Im sorry sir, he did. She replied
almost sheepishly. Tealc buddy, tell these
guys Im right? I cannot ONeill, I
specifically remember Alkar telling you that it
may not affect you in the same way as his
people. Right yeahbut what he didnt say is
that I might come out looking like a BEAR!!
Daniel sighed inwardly before refreshing the
colonels memory. Not in so many words Jack. He
said that you may experience ursus efficio
which I told you was bear effect and you said
you sure hoped it wasnt going to remove your
clothes because the planet was quite nippy. I
said that? Yes. Oh. Jack uncomfortably
moved from foot to foot and realized that balance
was a bit more of an issue now. Alkar offered a
hand for assistance but Jack didnt take it
however much he may have needed it. Stepping
back, Alkar smiled politely. Im sorry for the
misunderstanding I hope that your people back on
Earth will forgive me and my people. You are most
welcome here but now I must take my leave. Be
safe and farewell. Alkar bowed again and walked
back towards the villages council bulding. Be
safe? I dont think I have to really worry about
that do I. Said Jack as he stretched out one of
his now very fluffy arms complete with a paw and
a set of claws at the end. Lets go tell Hammond
of all the joys of this planet. They picked up
their packs, Jack having to give his to Tealc to
carry as the lack of a proper grip and too broad
a back made it difficult to carry. Oh god, Im
gonna be put in a zoo. We wouldnt let that
happen to you sir.but Frasier is going to have a
field day. Jack rolled his eyes and Daniel
laughed. Although he knew it must be hard for
Jack, the smallest part of Daniel was pleased it
was not him in trouble for once and couldnt
resist poking fun at Jack in the way he knew Jack
would have if it had been Daniel in the same
situation. Yeah, shell barely be able to
control herself
FIN
30
Check out your local Stargate side for upcoming
issus!! MolS special Shanks to Jax KTGO.net
Our very special Shanks to The Asgard, as
well as Jack Daniel This Magazine is dedicated
to 15/12/1970 Anais Any comments? Write
to heikki_at_keepthegateopen.net (credit will be
answered, critics ignored as usual)?