21st Century Medical Families: Engaged, Enlightened and Empowered

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21st Century Medical FamiliesEngaged,
Enlightened and Empowered

• Sandi Frost
• AMA Alliance President

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Presentation Goals

• Discuss changing physician family demographics
• Discuss the role of physician spouses in
  achieving work/life balance and stress reduction
• Discover the evolving roles of physician spouses
• Understand why increased spouse involvement in
  support of the profession of medicine is vital to
  the future of health care in our nation
• Discover Joint Advocacy and Community Outreach
  opportunities- Moving from a Me to We
  perspective

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Physician Spouses of Yesterday..
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Physician Spouses of Today
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Changing Medical Family Demographics

• Approximately 20 of male physicians are married
  to another physician
• Approximately half of female physicians are
  married to another physician
• Decreasing percentage over the past 20 years
• Dual physician families will increase as number
  of women physicians increase

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Physician Married to Non-Physician Medical
Families

• The majority of physician spouses work outside
  the home
• 42 of male physicians spouses have a graduate
  degree
• Medical Marriages are increasingly squeezed for
  time with both partners in the work force.
• Female physicians make significant sacrifices in
  order to nurture families
• Marriage and parenting are associated with gains
  in professional status for male physicians

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Are You in a Dual Doctor Relationship?
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Dual-Doctor Families

• Both women and men in dual-doctor families differ
  in their professional and family lives from other
  married physicians.
• Either sex earned less money separately, but
  higher joint income
• Either sex more often played a major role in
  child-rearing
• More often arranged their work schedules to
  fulfill childcare responsibilities
• Female physicians are still more likely to make
  sacrifices of career for family

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Medical Family Issues

• Overwork viewed as normal
• Results from doctors personality and culture of
  medicine
• Physicians may escape into work
• Easier to solve clinical dilemmas than domestic
  problems
• Physicians may have the need to be in control
• Profession requires doctors to be in control and
  take charge
• Same personality or attitude may color intimate
  relationships with spouse and children

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Common Medical Family Issues Continued.

• Self-neglect
• Doctors live lives out of balance, diagnose
  themselves and fail to recognize pain and
  suffering of their partners.
• Lack of firm boundaries between work and home.
• Medicine by its nature extends into personal and
  family time
• Unrecognized substance use disorders and/or mood
  disorders
• Stresses Unique to physicians and their families

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Work/Life Balance Checklist

• Exercise regularly?
• Eat right?
• Surround yourself with people you like and
  respect?
• Live in an area that suits your lifestyle?
• Stay organized?
• Confront your problems?

• Go on vacation annually?
• Sleep enough?
• Work according to your values?
• Make your spouse/partner feel valued?
• Pursue your hobbies?

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Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Doctors
are from Krypton -Dr. Greg Skipper from the
Alabama Physician Health Program
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Address Main Sources of Conflict

• Time
• Dont take lateness personally
• Stop waiting and do what you need to do
• Balance time together and time alone
• Take it for yourself and offer it to the other
• Money
• Set clear financial goals together
• Make big decisions as a team
• Be realistic and dont overextend

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Address Main Sources of Conflict

• Housework
• Set clear chores
• Good enough is sufficient
• Prioritize and let go!
• Children
• Define what needs to be done
• Teach and allow kids to help around the house
• Anticipate and plan for the tough times of the
  day
• Keep bedtime rituals
• Organize enjoyable things to do with the kids
• Be available

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Address Main Sources of Conflict

• Intimacy
• Make time to be together
• Share thoughts hopes and feelings
• Express appreciation
• Try to slow down, waste some time---be
  unproductive
• Just be together----sit, talk, listen to music,
  laugh
• Respect each others needs and differences.
• Make your partner feel special and loved.
• Develop rituals to remain connected on a daily
  basis.
• Have an affair with your spouse!

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Medical Family Types of Stress

• The Anticipated and Unavoidable
• 80 of the stresses we face each day
• The Unanticipated and Unavoidable
• Many are almost unique to 21st Century medical
  families
• The Anticipated and Avoidable, but not Avoided
• Stresses that fuel resentments and potentially
  harm medical marriages

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Helping Each Other to Handle Stress

• Do
• Acknowledge the relationship consequences of your
  respective stress coping styles
• Let some stuff slide
• Nurture self and spouse
• Practice Pleasure

• Dont
• Pretend to be identical in coping styles
• Stay in a narrow comfort zone
• Organize life around blind ambition
• Live in chronic hurry up!
• Work, work, work!

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Strategies to Maintain Relationships

• Assessment Walk in the others shoes
• Acceptance A way of life, not a problem
• Anger Management Resentments are the 1 killer
  of relationships.
• Action Work together as a TEAM.

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Finally, Bless Those Who Cause Your Stress

• Having been blessed with the company of this
  person who is currently masquerading as a
  blithering blockhead, I must remember that its
  not my place to judge. There is good in
  everyone, although some suppress their goodness
  far better than others.
• -C. Leslie Charles

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Working as a Team Why Should Spouses Get
Involved in Physician Problems?

• Were capable of getting the job done
• Were directly impacted by the changes to the
  profession of medicine as a member of a medical
  family
• The legacy of health care left to our children
  and grandchildren depends on us.
• Working together to address problems strengthens
  our relationships

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Why the Alliance to Build Your
Action Team?

• Unique in volunteer opportunities to partner with
  our physician spouses to build better communities
  and impact the future of medical care in our
  nation.
• Membership gives spouses access to a network of
  friendship and support in the medical community.
• Spouses grow skills in leadership,
  communication, and advocacy
• Members are kept current on issues that impact
  your practice of medicine.

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The Advantages of Teamwork for Alliances and
Medical Associations

• Joint projects strengthen both organizations
  programs and goals
• For the Medical Society, the Alliance is its
  volunteer arm
• To the Alliance, the Medical Society is a
  resource, both for funding and medical expertise.
• Increased credibility and visibility in the
  community for the family of medicine

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Hospital/Alliance Teamwork for Physician
Recruitment/Retention

• Work with the county Alliance to set up a
  mentoring relationship to ease transition to a
  new community.
• Scheduled contact between established medical
  family and new medical family to facilitate
  social introductions, community information,
  schools, etc.
• 42 of physicians relocating give the reason
  moving to be closer to family or spouses
  family
• 51 cite poor cultural fit in community as a
  reason to relocate.
• Physician retention much better when spouse is
  happy and family integrated quickly into the
  community.

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Getting Started on Joint Action

• Start with a plan
• Leaders of both organizations meet to discuss
  goals for legislation, membership and health
  programs planned for the year
• Communicate during the year to assess progress in
  reaching mutual goals
• Joint membership efforts benefit both
  organizations
• Joint messages in both organizations
  publications on important issues
• Link website of both organizations

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Empowered to Make a Difference

• Legislative Advocacy
• AMA legislative alerts for national issues
• KMA legislative alerts for state issues
• AMA Alliance has over 8000 members in a national
  advocacy network
• Physician spouses attend National Advocacy
  Conference in Washington, DC and take medicines
  message to the elected officials

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Legislative Advocacy Facts of Life

• By living in a democracy, were involved whether
  we chose to be involved or not
• No one will fight our battles for us
• The merits of a bill may have little to do with
  if it passes or fails, so our action is required
• Your spouse may have to be the legislative leader
  in your family because of time constraints or
  assess to timely legislative alerts.

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Empowered to Make a Difference

• Financial Support for Medical Students
• Fundraising for medical school scholarships
  through the AMA Foundation Scholars Fund
• Fundraising through the Kentucky Medical
  Association Alliance Foundation
• Physicians in Training Program
• Administered through the AMA Alliance to provide
  free housing for 4th year medical students when
  they interview for residency programs.
• Fundraising for the Uninsured/Underinsured
• Fund for Better Health Grants
• Healthy Communities/Healthy America

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Empowered to Make a Difference

• Community Outreach
• ScreenOut! program to get smoking out of youth
  rated movies.
• Faux Paw to teach children the dangers of
  internet predators and how to keep their personal
  information safe online.
• SAVE (Stop Americas Violence Everywhere)
• Anti-bullying programs
• Domestic Abuse programs
• SAVE Day in conjunction with the National
  Advisory Council on Domestic Violence.

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KMA Alliance Making a Difference
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ScreenOut! Action Needed Now!
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The Facts about Smoking in Movies

• 87 of R-rated movies show tobacco
• 75 of PG-13 movies
• 40 of G and PG movies
• Most movies your kids see, especially your older
  kids
• Over and over again

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Medical Families Have Come a Long Way..
Sir William Osler (1894) "What about the wife
and babies if you have them? Leave them! Heavy
are the responsibilities to yourself, to the
profession and to the public."
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Medical Family Tools of Enlightenment

• Family support starts inside each medical family
• Do you, your spouse and a trusted family
  member/friend know where to locate important
  documents
• Personal information
• Legal information
• Financial information
• Insurance information
• If a personal or natural disaster struck would
  your family have quick access to all of the above
  information?

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CD Resources

• ICE Family Information Worksheets that can be
  filled out and saved on the CD provided or
  transferred to a thumb drive or flash drive
• Useful Websites to explore for work/life balance
  information and tips
• ScreenOut Organizational Endorsement Letter-
• Help get the message to Hollywoods studio heads!
• Resource list for the information provided in
  this presentation

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Finally.
We said we'd walk together baby come what
mayThat come the twilight should we lose our
wayAnd, if as were walking, a hand should slip
freeI'll wait for you..And should I fall
behindWait for meWe swore we'd travel darling
side by sideWe'd help each other stay in
strideBut each lover's steps fall so
differentlyBut I'll wait for youAnd if I should
fall behindWait for me LYRCIS by Bruce
Springsteen