Kezai-Noble Tips on relationship expert

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Kezai Noble Tips on relationship expert

• www.kezia-noble.com/relationship-expert

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• Can your relationships be enhanced by a
  relationship expert?
• What can a relationship expert teach you that you
  do not already know?
• Believe it or not, there are some discreet skills
  that a relationship expert can teach you that
  will make your connections to other human beings
  more effective, whether those are professional or
  romantic relationships.
• For example, Robert Epstein, Ph.D., Helen Fisher,
  Ph.D., and John Guttmann, Ph.D. are researchers
  whose research I believe offers tremendous
  benefits to those willing to read their work and
  try it out.
• Professor Epstein has been writing recently and
  really challenging our Western concept of
  courtship, for example.
• Epstein wonders why 95 of arranged marriages in
  India are long lasting and grow in happiness when
  our divorce rate, even with the intervention of
  the Fairy Godmother, is 50 in our first, second,
  and even third marriages.
• Epstein says that maybe we should do some
  intimacy building exercises as couples in order
  to share the benefits of a long lasting union.
• Helen Fisher, Ph.D., has been studying the
  phenomenon of romantic love, and she says that we
  have the best chance of a successful union if we
  start the romantic love process with a compatible
  personality type.
• Want to discover what your type is? Well, you
  have to take her personality quiz at Chemistry.
  The idea of engineering romantic love sure
  appeals to me.

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• John Guttmann, Ph.D., and Julie
  Schwartze-Gottman, LCSW, have been observing
  couples for 30 years at the 'love lab', and they
  have some real insights about how to make
  relationship longer lasting and much more fun.
• For example, they can observe a couple and tell
  you within a few minutes whether the relationship
  will last, based on the number of times they see
  expressions of contempt, stonewalling, criticism,
  and defensiveness.
• The Guttmanns observations of couples are
  videotaped over the course of a weekend at least,
  and broken down by a team of experts for
  non-verbal communication patterns, they look at
  your urine and blood for stress hormones, etc. so
  this is a serious observation.
• The Guttmanns have teased out a number of skills
  that the folks who are successful in
  relationship, who they call the Master's of
  Marriage, appear to have, and they have put those
  together in a workshop called The Art and Science
  of Love.
• I have taken segments of that workshop and used
  it with my domestic violence counseling clients,
  who are often amazed that relationship has
  discreet skills that they can learn.
• Back to relationship expert Robert Epstein,
  Ph.D., who says that we in the West can have long
  lasting relationships with all the benefits that
  result for our children and our health if we put
  aside our Disney Prince Charming meets Cinderella
  at the ball and they live happily ever after with
  the help of the Fairy Godmother relationship
  model and make some effort to practice intimacy,
  like a relationship workout, if you will.

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• Epstein has students in his university classes
  practice some of the exercises he prescribes for
  couples, like soul gazing, where couples take a
  couple of minutes to look into each other's eyes,
  not stare, but gaze, and the students who do this
  report a stunning increase of feelings of
  closeness for the other participant.
• Another of the Epstein exercises involves
  synchronizing breathing, which I find
  interesting, because I have used a heart rate
  variability biofeedback program with couples to
  teach them how to take a look at the heart beat
  of the relationship.
• The heart rate variability biofeedback program
  offers a wonderful way for couples to learn how
  to bring their individual heart beat into
  coherence and then bring the heart beat of their
  relationship into coherence.
• Couples learn from this practice that the
  relationship is dynamic, and it changes from
  coherent to incoherent and perhaps back to
  coherence based on their thoughts, breathing, and
  attention.
• Relationship needs to be attended to heart beat
  by heart beat rather than crises by crises.
• The best news for the new experts in
  relationship? When they learn to attend to their
  relationship in brief intervals like heart beats,
  tuning relationship coherence is much easier.
• I think reading about the ideas of the above
  researchers will go a long way towards making one
  much more expert in relationships.