Cycle of Reconciliation

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The Cycle of Reconciliation Reconnecting Head and
Heart (Makes Sense / Feels Right)

• Conciliatory Statements
• revealing ones hurts
• verbalizing hope of reconciliation
• apologizing
• affirming others good intentions
• addressing what one would do differently
• in retrospect

Loving Marital Relationship
Failed expectations Emotions flare up
Injury
Risking Reconnection
Avoidance physical withdrawal emotional detachment
Internal Commitment to Working It Out
Conscious decision Emotions are under control

• I will not forgive (not now)
• Premature forgiveness
• not heartfelt
• result cold relations

Introspection feelings - identifying - accepting e
ntertain own culpability Adapted from Ron
Kraybill, Conciliation Quarterly, Fall
1988. Explanation Loving Relationship.
Relationship satisfaction in the beginning of a
marriage is almost always high. This is why
people get married in the first place. They
love each other and want to be together. (If
only things could stay this ways says Marriage
Counseling Fort Myers FL). Injury. At some
point in time, an injury to the relationship
occurs. If you the two of you live long enough,
this is bound to happen. There is a
disappointment. There is a violation of trust.
There is a hidden secret revealed. Whatever it
may be, conflict in the relationship emerges and
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• emotions, such as anger and sadness, come to the
  fore.At this juncture, the injured spouse may, in
  fact, begin to verbally attack the other spouse.
• Avoidance. One or both of the spouses begin to
  avoid one another. The pain of engagement, at
  least at the moment, is too great. If the
  injury is a repeating one, emotional detachment
  may begin. (Couples that are fighting and still
  engaged are easier to help then those couples who
  are disengaged, says Marriage Counseling Bonita
  Springs FL).
• Introspection. Doubt may enter the mind of one
  or both spouses as to the quality and long-term
  viability of the relationship. Did I marry the
  right person is a common thought. At the same
  time, the husband or wife may also come to see
  that their own words or actions have contributed
  to the problem.
• Internal Commitment to Working It Out. This may
  come quickly or after much deliberation, but the
  point comes when each spouse, particularly the
  injured one, is ready to reengage. There is a
  renewed commitment to work things out and get the
  relationship back on the right track.
• Risking Reconnection. A conciliatory gesture
  would typically be made by the offending spouse.
  If there has been an internal commitment to
  restore the relationship by both partners, the
  couple will resume their relationship in peace.
  The injured spouse can also reach out with the
  same goal of reconciliation in mind.
• Points to Keep In Mind
• Each spouse may be at different points in the
  circle, notes Marriage Counseling Naples FL.
  Patience will be needed as they communicate with
  each other.
• When our emotions flare up, our objective
  reasoning typically goes down. Nevertheless, our
  emotions (I feel) are spontaneous and
  natural and should be expressed early on
  as each spouse tells his or her story.
• Martial mediation is not only an effective
  process to resolve marital conflict, but it also
  holds the promise of restoring our interpersonal
  relationships.
• If you need help with your marriage and you live
  in SWFL, that is, Estero, Cape Coral, Punta
  Gorda, Marco Island, Fort Myers, Naples, or
  Bonita Springs FL, contact Dr. Ken
  Newberger, Ph.D., Conflict Analysis and
  Resolution. See his website MarriageCounselingAl
  t.com or call him direct for a free phone
  consultation at 239-689-4266.