The Invalidated Child - Part I

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The Invalidated Child Part 1
PART 1 This article is a series of articles on
invalidation, including the experiences of a
child or parent that has been invalidated and how
parents, professionals and practitioners can
validate children to make a difference to their
outcomes. The invalidated child can seem like an
enigma and is easily misunderstood. They come
from all backgrounds, walks of life, race,
culture and class in society.
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• An invalidated child can look like a child that
  is
• Misbehaving
• Difficult
• Seeking attention
• Sabotaging their own success
• Withdrawn
• Attempting suicide
• Self harming
• Experiencing BPD (borderline personality
  disorder)
• or exhibiting other maladaptive emotions to
  compensate for the lack.

• The lack could include lack of
• Being heard
• Having their experiences validated as real for
  THEM!
• Having their opinions accepted
• Having their feelings heard or accepted as valid
  and real for them
• Privacy
• Being cared for resulting in neglect
• A sense of self
• Other

An invalidating environment (Marsha Linehan
1993) encompasses some or all of the above for
the invalidated child.
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• How does a parent, caregiver or other significant
  adults invalidate a child?
• (This also includes professionals and
  practitioners)
• Examples of how adults invalidate children
  include
• All of the above examples highlighted in the
  lack of section for instance, not listening to
  them etc. 
• Abuse verbal, physical, emotional, sexual,
  psychological
• Neglect
• Denying their feelings no (yes) you dont (do)
  feel that way (e.g. angry)
• Teaching children to lie tell them Im not here
  or this (sexual abuse) didnt happen and if you
  tell anyone I will kill you!
• Responding erratically, inappropriately or in
  extreme fashions to the childs communication or
  feelings
• Ridicule them
• Disregard their painful or distressing emotions
• Non- responsive to needs of the child

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Marsha Linehan suggests that sexual abuse is the
most extreme form of invalidation for a child.
These children are generally lied to about the
nature of the abuse and threatened by the abuser
if they tell. Additionally, the child is
further burdened by the guilt and shame of the
abuse, coupled with the abuse not being
acknowledged by other family members and face
being blamed or disbelieved if they pluck up the
courage to tell. clinicians and researchers
suggest that it is the secrecy surrounding
childhood sexual abuse that may be a key factor
for people experiencing BPD (Bipolar or
Borderline Personality Disorder). The
invalidated child is one that is also very
susceptible to being scapegoated within the
family setting, especially if they appear as an
enigma to family members and others around them.
The likely result is that they consciously or
unconsciously embark on a journey of seeking
approval and reassurance, especially from their
parents, with the likely effect of a cyclical
process of denial and punishment, followed by
more scapegoating.
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That said, all children need approval,
reassurance, need to be loved, to be validated
and to feel safe and secure in their environment
as their secure base. For more information,
visit us here http//stepup-international.co.uk