200 Things That makes You A Perfect Sensory Parent

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200 Things That makes You A
Perfect Sensory Parent
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1. Your child licks EVERYTHING.2. You make five
different things hoping your child eats
something.3. You have 10 pairs of socks to throw
at your child each morning hoping that one pair
will feel right.4. Your child tells you to be
quiet or turn off the radio or TV, but he speaks
so loud you consider buying headphones for
yourself.5. You have an indoor swing and
trampoline.6. You suddenly develop sensory
issues yourself from spending a lot of time with
your kid.7. You cut EVERY tag out of EVERY
product your children have, immediately!8. You
have to bring food with you everywhere you go
because you know he wont/cant eat other
foods.9. You walk into a public restroom and
pray to God nobody flushes in the stall next to
you.10. You read all of these and think, Yup
thats us, too.  Glad were not the only
ones!11. Your childs Christmas presents were
all recommended by your OT and you knew he would
be ecstatic to get them.12. It takes two parents
to hold your child down to cut their nearly
ingrown toenails.13. You cut your childs finger
nails and toe nails while they are sleeping.14.
You hope there are NO hand dryers in a public
bathroom after washing hands.  Complete
TRAUMA!15. You no longer notice youre a living
jungle gym being climbed on.
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16. You actually question if pants are really
that necessary for school. (Only for a moment of
course)17. You send your child to school wearing
a Halloween costume because that is all that they
will wear.18. Your childs behaviour in the
local pharmacy makes you want to smack (not your
child) self-righteous old ladies standing in the
queue ahead of you!19. When you become a hermit
because leaving the house results in major
meltdowns!20. You carry post-it notes in your
purse to cover the auto-sensor flushing
toilets.21. When your kids cover their ears at
everything loud but wanna ride the vacuum and
scream over each other or talk loudly.22. You
child cover ears while Happy Birthday is
sung.23. You have to consider how soft stuffed
animals/blankies/clothes are so that they are
softing worthy.24. You have to seriously do
research on what toys are most durable because,
if not, they will not last 72 hours without
getting broken.25. You avoid things that would
be typically fun, such as birthday parties or
events. 26. Your child lies upside down on the
bleachers to watch a game.27. Your child wants
you to talk quietly, but hes always yelling.28.
You hope your 3 year old has started talking, has
given up her sippy cup is potty trained by the
time she starts kindergarten.29. You have to
check every item of clothing for tags, loose
threads and uneven seams.  You need to make sure
theyre not too tight or too loose and have
comfortable fabric, etc.30. Your child strips
down to undies or gets naked as soon as they walk
through the door.
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31. Your most frequently spoken sentence is Get
that out of your mouth.32. You take family
photos and later you notice your child is licking
his siblings high chair in one.   Then you
decide you like that one best because it looks
more real! 33. You get excited that you got your
son to actually eat something good.34. You stop
going out to eat at restaurants.35. You nod in
agreement or can smile because as you are reading
all these you know you arent alone.36. Your
kiddo pushes into you hard, but sometimes if
someone barely touches her she screams bloody
murder.37. You try explaining sensory issues
only to get that blank stare.38. You know in
your heart the things you are doing may seem
strange, but they work.39. The judgment does not
matter because youre just doing what is best for
your child.40. You realize eating out with the
family means getting takeout.41. Your bag/purse
has more of their stuff in it than your own.42.
You find yourself crying in the bathroom so he
doesnt see your hurt for him.43. You know most
of your furniture will not make it out of the
house alive.44. A haircut is a loud and long
process that sometimes takes several people to
complete.45. You have to excuse yourself/your
child for a sensory meltdown. 46. Parents around
you gasp in quiet shock when they see what your
child has done, such as finger painting the
bathroom mirror with toothpaste.47. You always
have a chewy in your purse and a back up.48.
Your child touches absolutely EVERYTHING he walks
by.49. You carry multiple shirts because you
know the sleeves and neck will be soaked in no
time.50. You get relief out of fidget toys, too.
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51. Every morning you wake up to the thought of
Oh no I have to get them to put on clothes
again.52. You are the entertainment during a
church service.53. Your child sits upside down
to watch TV.54. In any noisy place, you have to
go outside to calm them down and you may end up
doing that a few hundred times before you decide
to just leave.55. You feel like you want to
crawl in a hole because your child needs more
sensory input than your own nervous system can
handle!56. You tell your child to stop licking
you constantly.57. Everything you do every day
is 10x harder than with non-SPD kids.58. Your
child refuses to shower or bath without having to
have shaving cream to put on the walls for them
to play with.59. You have a talk every morning
about what the steps are for the day.60. You
cannot change routine or your child will have a
terrible day or week.61. You have to watch them
every 5 minutes to make sure they are not up to
any mischief.62. You have to give your child a
minimum of three choices for shirts to choose
from.63. Your child needs to be squeezed as much
as you need them to squeeze you back.64. You
calmly walk through the grocery store while they
scream at the top of their lungs, ignoring the
stares.65. You have to warn them when you are
turning the blender on.66. Your child refuses to
wear socks.67. It feels like you are against the
world.68. You let your child wear a dirty outfit
because they wont wear anything else.69. You
have to do laundry daily for the only pair of
pants or shorts your child will wear.70. You buy
every color and size of clothing your child
agrees to wear.
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71. Your kid has 6 pairs of the same pants
because they work most mornings without
meltdowns about the seams.72. You are taking
your child to the car and people actually think
you are abducting them due to the colossal
meltdown going on.73. You get excited because
you walk into the store and find the exact same
sweats that your child wore every day last
year.74. Every outing makes you just look like a
parent that doesnt know how to be a parent  but
if they ONLY KNEW.75. Your child greets visitors
at your door with Hello, can I smell your
hair? 76. Your child doesnt ever want dirty
hands.77. Your child covers his ears.78. You
have to lie atop your child to get him to calm
down and go to sleep.79. Your child barely ever
sleeps.80. You have to pack a sensory bag to go
to the store.81. Your child has more shirts that
have been chewed through than not.82. You have
to explain how to make a ketchup sandwich the
correct way so your two year old will eat it to a
babysitter twice your age.83. You instinctively
put away the socks inside out.84. You start
noticing that other peoples kids most likely
have sensory problems, but you dont dare say
anything.85.  You struggle to get her to get in
the shower because its too noisy, but then she
will stand there in the water for an hour.
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86. At the end of the day you say Another day
down and I didnt end up in the nut house
myself!87. You choose your family activities by
the amount of noise, light and congestion that
will be present.88. You have to ask the birthday
party attendees to whisper the birthday song to
your child.89. You have to throw away shirts
because they look like moths got to them at the
collars and sleeves.90. All of your childs
stuffed animals, shirts and blankets are chewed
up.91. Youre wiping shaving cream off the
ceiling.92. Your child comes over to you and
takes your hand sniffs it and then licks it.93.
You panic when the supermarket no longer stocks
something.94. You yourself leave the house
with two different shoes on because you are so
frazzled by the time you leave the house.95. As
soon as music comes on you grab your kids head
to cover his ears.96. Your kiddo wears noise
reduction headphones everywhere he goes.97. You
turn your living room into a sensory gym.98. The
grandparents spend 148 on a weighted blanket so
your child will sleep better at night.99. You
cant remember the last time you have eaten, used
the restroom or stopped running.100. You pass
your child an ice cube and they tell you its hot
and then blow on it.
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101. Your child is five years old and still
mostly only eats baby food sweet potatoes.102.
You find yourself saying, Dont lick the car!
repeatedly in every parking lot.103. You find
yourself often saying Get back to the table and
play with your food.104. The thought of a
farmers market makes you hyperventilate because
there is soooo much to touch and squeeze.105.
Your child uses all of the toilet paper to play
with instead of her toys every day.106. You feel
crazy.107. Your child is spinning in circles as
you read this.108. Your child says the same
phrases and words over and over and over,
everyday.109. When you have had to stop reading
this a few times and take breaks because your
child is climbing on everything.110. You think
in terms like vestibular, proprioceptive,
tactile, etc. and nobody knows what youre
talking about.111. You kinda dread holidays
because excited quickly turns into screams,
tears, hitting, kicking, and shouts of I hate
you!112. You spend 10 minutes every morning
adjusting and readjusting his socks so they feel
right in his shoes.113. You are very excited to
get a picture of your child standing in front of
Santa telling him what he wants.114. When your
child sniffs a new roll of toilet paper and
states it smells like carrots then you take a
sniff  and can totally understand what they are
saying.115. Your pets are hiding and you wish
you had that luxury sometimes.
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116. Your child is crying and screaming when you
accidentally turn on the exhaust fan in the
bathroom.117. You have quick escape plan for
every event you attend.118. You can move and
think like a ninja.119. You buy cello tape
constantly because your child wraps their ankles
and legs together.120. You spend a fortune on
socks and jeans that will never be worn.121. It
is midday and youre still not allowed to open
the curtains or turn off the lights.122. Your
child is rubbing the legs (calves) of women
because he likes the way skin feels.123. You
learn to sit on your couch without cushions.124.
Your child needs to wear a hat 24/7.125. You get
excited when she lets you put a barrette on to
keep her hair out of her syrup and she actually
leaves it in long enough to finish
breakfast.  126. You cannot eat in front of or
near your child because just seeing you chew or
hearing you crunch is cause to throw a fit and
not eat.127. You have gone through more rocking
chairs, mp3 players and headphones than anyone
you know.128. Your purse weighs 5lbs because of
the weighted lap blanket you carry
everywhere.129. You have to check the toilet
paper each time he goes to the bathroom to see if
they have eaten any.130. Your child rolls
themselves into a cocoon all the time.
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131. The same outfit or pair of shoes that your
child was wearing that was fine in the morning
causes tantrums and stripping in the afternoon
because it is hurting them.132. You dont even
notice your kid climbing all over you anymore! 
Its like totally normal.133. Your normal is
different than everyone elses normal around
you.134. Your child eats spicier foods than the
adults.135. You child doesnt like anything
touching their skin.136. Your child has more
chew toys than the dog.137. You are shaking your
head yes and agreeing to all of these as you are
reading them.138. Poop on the walls doesnt faze
you.139. You feel every item of clothing you buy
for him as you know certain textures.140. Your
child climbs onto the laps of strangers in
restaurants so that he can hug them.141. Ha ha
ha  you just know!142. You give your sixteen
year old a bowl of ice to chew instead of another
book.143. Your child gets so involved in the
iPad that she has accidents.144. Your child
doesnt like going to the movie theater.145. You
have to tell your child to stop washing his hands
every five minutes. 146. Discovering seamless
socks is like finding gold.147. Your child likes
to bounce off everything like a ping pong
ball.148.  Shopping for clothes for your child
is a nightmare.149. Your child knows 500 excuses
to not go to bed.150. Your child prefers to
sleep on the floor instead of a bed.
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151. You carry silly putty as a staple in your
purse.152. It seems every photo of your little
one has her covering her ears.153. Bath time
means war!154. Your child sleeps with a heating
pad.155. Your child gets upset because you have
to wash his clothes.156. You have to make sure
your child gets enough sensory input during the
day.157. You seek out Facebook groups for
parents like us in order to reassure yourself
that youre not alone or insane, then spend hours
on that groups page attempting to understand as
much as you can about your own child from
strangers.158. You buy the same food every week
when you go shopping just so you know your child
will eat something.159. You laugh uncontrollably
at the person on the other end of the phone
because they just asked if they can call back at
better time when your child is settled.160. You
can easily tune out other childrens obnoxious
behavior because thats your childs normal
behavior.161. Your floor is always dirty because
the vacuum cleaner is too loud.162. You are
mentally exhausted.163. Your kiddo asks for
something to eat at midnight and you gladly jump
out of bed playing short order cook in the hopes
that she actually will eat something.164. A
trampoline is a necessity because your couches
are falling to pieces from the constant rocking
and jumping.165. You dont care what others
think if your child goes to school some days
without brushing her hair.
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166. You find your son in his room with ground
coffee all over the floor and hes rubbing it on
himself.167. Youre up at 221 am reading
this.168. You can relate to this.169. You feel
you are always explaining yourself.170. You are
always making therapy appointments, driving to
therapy appointments or looking for new
therapies.171. At a restaurant, your child is
under the table because the food smells
stinky.172. You are reading this and laughing
because you understand it all completely.173.
Your child meows like a cat or barks like a
dog.174. People ask What are those noises your
kid is making? and sometimes you dont even know
yourself.  You just shrug it off and move
on.175. You can recite a movie by heart, because
your child has watched it so many times he
wants to watch it again.  176. You never know
what is going to happen next.177. You dont know
what type of school would fit your child.178.
You have to look for your child under beds and/or
piles of blankets because he likes tiny spaces
(perhaps the laundry hamper as well).179. Your
child just went out the door crying because she
is so uncomfortable bundled up today.180. You
pull a bean bag out of your purse at work.
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181. You have to give your child a slice of bread
for dinner because that is all she will
eat.182.  Its the wrong jelly Mom!183. You go
shoe shopping to many stores, finally find a pair
that feels right, bring them home and then have
to return them!184. You allow your child to
bounce on an exercise ball while watching TV and
eating dinner.185. You bought every Aqua sand,
moon dough, flubber, slime and play-doh toy and
you hope they dont eat it.186. When your child
has eaten everything inedible.187. You spend
weeks, even months choosing the right toy, tool,
etc. for your child only to have her destroy it
within days (if not hours)!188. Your child is in
the bath again for the tenth time today and yet
the soap is still dry.189. You have to explain
why your child wont wear his coat in -3 degree
weather.190. People apologize for their kids
(behavior, noise, manners) and you didnt even
notice! Pshhh that was nothing.191. Youre one
of those parents who said Ill never let my kid
use electronics at the dinner table, and then
you do to avoid meltdown city.192. You have
exhausted yourself by finding 101 helpful ways to
sooth your child when it is time to do oral
hygiene rituals.193. You let your child take his
shirt off in the theater because he is hot.194.
You are giving your child a bath and washing hair
sounds like youre killing someone in your
home.195. You make multiple calls of excitement
that your son let you floss a few teeth.
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196. Your child needs to be sedated for a dental
check up.197. You answer the same question
dozens of times because your child just cant
move on.198. Jeans to your child are the
equivalent of a modern day torture device.199.
Your childs diet contains only one color of
food.200. You finally get one room in the house
clean and by the time you get another one half
done the first one is a wreck.
Thank You
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