Outstanding Funniest Facebook Status Update

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Outstanding Funniest Facebook Status Update
Looking for some status update inspiration? I
won't
bore
you with stories about where these came from
I'll just give you a list of funny and sarcastic
Facebook status
Updates. I have tried to include the authors for
the lines I did not develop on my own. And hey,
if you know the source of an unattributed quote,
feel free to leave that info as a comment at the
bottom.
2
Facebook status Updates
1. Never interrupt your opponent while he's
making a mistake.
2. Sarcasm
helps
keep
people
from understanding
you're saying what you really think of them. 3. I
once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly
found out He didn't work that wayso I stole a
bike and prayed for His forgiveness. 4. A train
station is where the train stops. A bus station
is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work
station... 5. You can't be late until you show
up. 6. War doesn't determine who's rightit
determines who's left. 7. If you think things
can't get worse, it's probably only because you
lack sufficient imagination. 8. Parents spend the
first part of our lives teaching us to walk and
talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down
and shut up. 9. Expecting the world to treat you
fairly because you
are good is like expecting the bull
not because you are a vegetarian.
to charge
10.
Books have knowledge, knowledge
is power, and crime
power corrupts, corruption is a crime,
doesn't pay. So if you keep reading, you'll go
broke. Facebook status Updates
3
11.
You can go anywhere you want if you look
serious and carry a clipboard.
12.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but
I'm
actively waiting for my problems to go away.
13. 14.
Every rule has an exception, especially this
one. History teaches us that men and nations
behave
wisely
once
they
have
exhausted all other
alternatives. Abba Eban
15.
The United States is a nation of laws
badly
written and randomly enforced. Frank Zappa
16.
Don't let your mind wanderit's too little to be
let out alone.
17. 18.
Life's a bitch if it were easy it'd be a slut.
I'd
call you
a
tool, but
even they serve
a
purpose.
19.
Death is life's way of telling you that
you've
been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life,
"You can't fire me, I quit!"
20.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to
their level, then beat you with
experience. Facebook status Updates
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22. I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I
wouldn't say it. 23. If at first you don't
succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever
tried. 24. If at first you don't succeed,
redefine success. 25. If you can't beat them,
arrange to have them beaten. 26. Why does life
keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to
learn? 27. I have a busy day ahead I
have trouble to start, rumors to spread, and
people to argue with. 28. I am a bomb technician.
If you see me running, try to keep up. 29. I once
stood in the back and said, "Everyone attack!"
but it didn't turn into a Ballroom Blitz. 30.
Learn from Pandora's mistakethink outside
the box.
Get the more about facebook Status Updates
_at_ http//www.geekersmagazine.com/101-hilarious-
funny-facebook-status-updates/