The problem of defining sex addiction: What it IS and IS NOT

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The problem of defining sex addiction What it IS
and IS NOT
The Struggle To Define Sex Addiction Sex
addiction as a discrete psychological category
only became known to the public in 1983 with Dr.
Patrick Carnes book Out of the Shadows
Understanding Sex Addiction. Since then, its
been struggling to define itself as both a
legitimate addiction that contains the
underlying elements of all addictions and yet is
distinct because it involves one of our most
primal needs. Sex addicts use sex as a way to get
unmet emotional needs met that werent met in
childhood. It is a misfired way to connect. This
article defines sex addiction in terms of what it
is NOT and concludes with preliminary treatment
goals and objectives. Then, we invite your
questions or comments about how to stop
compulsive sexual behaviors at the end. In fact,
we try to respond to all legitimate inquiries
personally and promptly.
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What Sex Addiction IS NOT (And What It Is)
Sex addiction is not defined the intensity of
sexual desire. Nor is it define by the type or
quantity of sexual acts performed. Sex addiction
IS, however determined by the sex addicts
continual use of sexual urges, cravings,
fantasies and behaviors to gratify infantile
emotional needs that went unmet from his early
life. Sex addiction is a misuse of sex. Sex is,
after all, only sex. Sex cant undo the past it
cant make your distant mother love you it cant
shore up a shaky sense of self if it is already
shaky it cant make you powerful or important
it cant give you a sense of self-worth is
doesnt make you desirable to all women it
doesnt give you control over anybody else it
doesnt preclude rejection or abandonment it
doesnt make the nerds in college change their
minds about you its not an achievement or an
accomplishment it cant change your moods except
temporarily its not rebellion for the
injustices done to you in your childhood by
parents or your church it doesnt provide
meaning and its not an answer to the existential
dilemma of living. All it is is a fleeting
experience of pleasure, followed by shame,
remorse and guilt.
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When Sex Is Compulsive, It Can Be Addictive
QWhat are some of the main symptoms of sex
addiction? A A compulsive enactment of
preoccupied, ritualized sexual behavior, sex
addiction is an obsessive relationship to sexual
thoughts, fantasies or activities that an
individual continues to engage in despite
adverse consequences. These thoughts, fantasies
or activities occupy a disproportionate amount
of psychic space (the inner world of the
addict that isnt conscious, but is emotionally
powerful enough to overrule thinking). The
result is an imbalance in the addicts overall
functioning in areas such as work, marriage,
hobbies, interests and spiritual
activities. Distress, shame and guilt about the
behaviors erode the addicts already fragile
sense of self. To be caught in the clutches of
addiction, with its loss-of-control, shame and
depression, together with its negative
consequences on work/relationships/finances/self-
esteem, is demoralizing. Yet the benefits to the
addict, while in active addiction, outweigh the
costs as the lure of the sexual rush is found to
be irresistible, regardless of consuming
negative consequences.
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At The Core Of Sex Addiction
At core a fragile ego, born of a lack of
attunement with the early mother-child dyad,
seeks bolstering through the illusionary power
and control of sex. The addicts sense of
masculinity, which may have been enfeebled
through problems in his early psychological
development, is experienced to be strengthen by
multitudinous sexual affairs. Sexual addiction is
an attachment disorder which hinders the
individual in forming and maintaining intimate
relationships. Central to the disorder is the
inability of the individual to adequately bond
and attach. At its core, sex addiction is an
enactment of deeply entrenched dysfunctional
relationships with self and others, especially
childhood parental figures. While the definition
of sex addiction has similar features as that of
other addictions, sexual compulsion is set apart
from them in that sex is one of our most primal
needs and involves our innermost unconscious
wishes, needs, fantasies, fears and
conflicts. Like other addictions, it is
relapse-prone. Sex Addicts Are Seen As An
Enigma Sex addiction is a complex syndrome that
involves personality issues, bio-chemistry,
environment, family-of-origin issues, particular
ways of thinking, sense of self-worth, and the
quality of relationships. Psychiatrists see sex
addicts somewhat as an enigma they still dont
know if its an obsessive-compulsive disorder,
an impulse-control disorder, or an addictive
disorder. The fact that it was left out of the
DSM-V and so not recognized as a psychological
disorder means that more research needs to be
done to understand this complex syndrome.
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Sex addiction represents same processes of
addiction that underlie all compulsive
behaviors an enduring compulsion to engage in a
pleasure-producing behavior to eliminate
distressing emotional states that are painful and
overwhelming. Also common to all addictions, sex
addicts have problems with self-care and
self-regulation. Achieving a sense of
self-governance is part of sexual addiction
recovery treatment. Elements Of Effective
Treatment

• Sex addiction treatment must address both the
  compulsive behavior as well as the underlying
  addictive process. The challenge of the sex
  addiction therapist is to offer a variety of
  approaches to treat the addict on multiple
  levels. The therapist needs to have the concrete
  skills to do sex addiction counseling as well as
  the psychological clinical training and
  sophistication to treat underlying issues.
• Sex addiction treatment, then, is most effective
  when it an integrated, approach that brings
  together different methods, and is individually
  tailored to the personality and evolves as he
  progress.
• What are some of the specific goals of
  comprehensive sex addiction treatment?
• To resolve ambivalence about change
• To prepare you to prevent relapse by helping you
  to recognize triggers, urges and cravings, and
  arm yourself with specific tools for dealing with
  them
• To recognize and work through painful feelings
  from childhood that remain alive in the present
• To put issues of shame and a sense of inadequacy
  to bed

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• The discovery of underlying issues of all
  addiction including lack of self regulation and
  self care as well as an inability to exercise
  restraint in the face of destructive impulses
• To recognize and change unconscious belief
  systems about self, others and the world,
  including sexuality and intimacy
• To implement sex therapy techniques to overcome
  obstacles to intimate sexual experience
• To trace the origins of unhealthy relationship
  patterns that stem from childhood so you can
  recognize that what worked in the past may be
  destructive in the present
• To become educated about intimacy skills and
  attitudes about sex that will help you
  experience related sex as more fulfilling than
  narcissistic self-centered sex