UNDERSTANDING SHAME RESILIENCE

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26/09/2022, 1112
Understanding Shame Resilience
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UNDERSTANDING SHAME RESILIENCE
Developing Shame Resilience is a key factor on
you or your loved ones path to growth and
overcoming your intimacy disorder, more commonly
referred to as sex addiction. Defining
Shame According to researcher and author, Brene
Brown Shame is the intensely painful feeling or
experience of believing we are awed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging. This
leads to feelings of fear, isolation, and
secrecy. Its the vulnerability of being seen
fully, if people know your aws then youll
somehow be less worthy or unworthy of love and
connection. Its something all people experience
and something you can develop tools to help
prevent negative or harmful behaviors. As
written by Karen Pace Shame is often at the
heart of many human struggles such as drug and
alcohol abuse, eating disorders, bullying, and
suicide.
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26/09/2022, 1112 Understanding Shame Resilience
If youre struggling with an intimacy disorder,
often feelings of shame and questions about your
worthiness are at the very heart of the
experience. Coping with Shame Our Natural
Defenses As humans, we developed the feeling of
shame long ago, it has been rarely researched or
discussed up until recently. When we experience
shame and refuse to recognize it, we put up what
Brown calls shame screens. A shame screen is a
primal defense mechanism that we use to shield
and protect ourselves as we experience an event
that triggers the ght, ight, and freeze response.
When we put up these screens, we can make one of
three choices Moving towards shame by seeking
a sense of belonging Moving against shame by
trying to exert power over a situation or others
by being aggressive Moving away from shame by
hiding our experience, keeping secrets, and
struggling in silence. Which of these sounds
like you? If youre suffering from an intimacy
disorder, most commonly its one of the
latter. Learning to move towards shame and
understand where that feeling is coming from is
a critical part of the healing process. Shame,
according to Brown, is the swampland of the
soul. The point of experiencing shame isnt to
build a home there and stay in that place.
Rather, its to walk through and explore the
feeling of shame and learn your way around. Like
many things in our human experience, in order to
overcome it, we need to understand it rst. You
cant create change without vulnerability. Shame
Resilience Theory Brown coined the term Shame
Resilience Theory (SRT) back in 2006. This theory
is key for those suffering from addictive
tendencies to understand and heal from.
Who is Brené Brown?
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26/09/2022, 1112 Understanding Shame
Resilience You cannot talk about shame and shame
resilience without talking about the now infamous
researcher and storyteller Brené Brown. As a
pioneer in the eld of shame, Brown has spent over
two decades studying vulnerability, shame,
courage, and empathy. Brown has given multiple
TED talks with millions of views. Shes published
many books on shame, empathy, and courage that
have landed on the 1 New York Times Bestseller
lists. She is also the rst researcher to have a
lecture featured on Net ix.
The Theory of Shame Resilience Shame is an
epidemic that needs to be addressed. It is a
fundamental experience of those suffering from
addictions, violent tendencies, and even
depression. It is the intensely painful feeling
or experience of believing we are awed and
therefore unworthy of connection and
belonging. While we cannot truly eliminate
shame, we can develop resilience to it. As Brown
stated, Shame Resilience is that ability to
recognize shame when we experience it, and move
through it in a constructive way that allows us
to maintain our authenticity and grow from our
experiences. SRT attempts to de ne not only
shame but its consequences and how we respond to
it. Feeling trapped, powerless and isolated,
triggers feelings of shame in everyone. By
studying these feelings and how they connect to
our emotions, we can learn strategies that can
help you overcome and feel empathy, connection,
power, and freedom.
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26/09/2022, 1112 12 Categories of Shame
Understanding Shame Resilience
According to Brené Brown, there are twelve main
areas of life and concern that can trigger a
sense of shame Surviving trauma Sex Body image
and appearance Addiction Money and work
Parenting Family Mental and physical health
Aging Religion Surviving trauma Being
stereotyped or labeled Being mindful of these
triggering areas can help you identify when
youre feeling shame and give you the
opportunity to explore and experience
it. Recognizing Triggers Shame Armed with the
knowledge of the 12 categories of shame, youll
need to learn how to recognize the feeling of
shame in your body and name what has triggered
that emotion. Answering questions like I
physically feel shame in/on my It feels
like I know Im in shame when I feel If I
could taste shame, it would taste
like. Answering these questions for yourself is
the rst step on your shame resilience journey.
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26/09/2022, 1112 Understanding Shame
Resilience By developing our understanding and
our experience of feeling shame, we can learn to
have control of those feelings and behaviors
that are associated with it. Developing and
Practicing Critical Awareness In a moment where
we are experiencing shame, it often feels like
you are the only one in the world who is
struggling. It feels like true isolation. In
reality, that just isnt the case. Learning how
to not only recognize shame but learning why
youre experiencing it and asking critical
questions about it is a key tool for developing
shame resilience. Try asking questions
like Why do these expectations exist? How do
these expectations work? How is our society
influenced by these expectations? How realistic
are my expectations? Can I be all these things
all the time? You ask these to learn more about
what youre experiencing and why youre
experiencing it. Examples of Situations That May
Cause Feelings of Shame Everyone youve ever met
has experienced shame. Its the feeling you get
when you rst realize you have an addiction, and
you decide to keep it a secret. Why? Admitting
that youre exhibiting addictive patterns shows
that youre weak, that youre vulnerable. These
patterns and choices youre making dont align
with your ideal version of yourself. Saying
that youre having dif culties controlling your
choices and acknowledging the problem just
doesnt feel like an option. So instead, you hide
your behaviors, clear your browser history and
pretend like it never happened.
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• 26/09/2022, 1112 Understanding Shame Resilience
• Your image of you as a knight on a white horse
  has been shattered. Most male-bodied people who
  have grown up in a traditional society would
  rather die on that white horse than have people
  see them fall off.
• Its that moment when you ask, what is wrong
  with me? Its that thought of I am a mistake.
• Its a terrifying thought and it can feel like
  you have a dumbbell living in your heart. It
  prevents you from being authentic and
  experiencing life to its fullest.
• Developing Shame Resilience
• 4 Elements to Shame Resilience
• Having the goal of experiencing empathy,
  connection, power, and freedom, there are four
  essential steps you will learn for developing
  shame resilience.
• Recognizing and identifying the personal
  vulnerability that led to you experiencing
  feelings of shame
• Recognizing the triggers and external factors
  that led to you experiencing feelings of shame
• Cultivating authentic connection with others and
  receiving empathy for your experience
• Discussing, exploring, and deconstructing the
  feelings of shame
• Essentially, recognizing, acknowledging, and
  understanding your own personal triggers that led
  to you feeling shameful is how you can overcome
  shame and begin to live a more authentic life.
• How You Can Learn Shame Resilience
• During our Mens 14-Day Intensive at the Begin
  Again Institute, you will be given the
  opportunity to explore your shame, your triggers
  and cultivate empathetic relationships with
  others who are suffering from intimacy disorders
  as well.

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26/09/2022, 1112 Understanding Shame
Resilience empathetic understanding that you need
to heal. Success comes from failure, learning,
and picking yourself up again. Life is about
daring greatly and overcoming the voice in your
head that tells you that you arent good enough,
not capable enough, not worthy enough. You are
not alone. You are good enough. You are
capable. You are worthy of healing. Contact our
team today to sign up for our next intensive and
start your journey with Begin Again Institute.