WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW?

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WHAT IF I DONT LIKE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW?
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You love your partner. You and your partner have
committed to each other, through the good times
and the bad. But you didnt commit to their
family. Dealing with in-laws can be difficult.
Especially, a mother-in-law. Your partners
mother was their first caretaker, their first
protector, and their biggest fan. When you then
step into these roles in your partnership, it can
cause tension, friction, or misunderstanding with
your partners mother. If you find yourself
saying I dont like my mother-in-law, youre
not alone. Difficulties with in-laws are common.
When youre merging together two separate
families with different backgrounds it can be
tough to be on the same page. Read on for a few
suggestions on how to manage the stress that
comes when you just dont like your mother-in-law.
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Take some space
You have a choice to interact with your
mother-in-law or not. Talk with your partner
about how important a specific event or
interaction is for them- if its not of high
value, dont go. You dont have to do everything
your partner does with their family- you just
have to present a united front. Its important to
remember that you have a choice. Choice helps to
reduce the helplessness and hopelessness that can
arise when you have in-laws you arent too fond
of.
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Dig deep for some compassion.
This part may be hard because we might find
ourselves in a place of being angry, frustrated,
or annoyed- and compassion isnt a feeling that
we can access easily. Remember that when you and
your partner got together you gained a spouse,
but your mother-in-law lost their child as they
once knew them. Having compassion for your
mother-in-law can help you reduce how much you
internalize or personalize her words or behavior.
It can help you to see her as a grieving person,
doing the best she can with what she has.
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Acceptance
The space between our expectations and reality is
filled with disappointment, frustration, and
sometimes even resentment. When you can learn to
accept your mother-in-law as she is and expect
her to show up in the way that she has always
shown up- instead of the way you want her to- you
can reduce the intensity of the above-named space
fillers. Acceptance does not mean we condone or
agree. it just means that we are taking what is
being presented in the moment and acting
accordingly. Remember, acceptance is for you, not
her. Acceptance helps you to reduce the
uncomfortable feelings that arise when reality
doesnt meet our expectations. We need to
normalize having thoughts like, I dont like my
mother-in-law.
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Reality is, were not going to like everyone, and
not everyone is going to like us. However, there
are situations in life where we have to interact
with those people that we arent always fond of.
They may not always be pleasurable situations,
but they are inevitable and with a little work,
we can make them manageable. If youd like some
help sorting out the strong feelings surrounding
your in-laws, a relationship coach may be able to
help. Reach out today you dont have to
navigate this alone.
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Thankyou!
jessica_at_jessicayaffa.org
858-413-6063
www.jessicayaffa.org