Widows

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Widows
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My story

• Started Nursing career in 1957
• Married Tom in 1960 at the age of 19
• One son Paul born 1963
• 15 years of marriage- community and playgroup
  work
• Husband died of cancer in 1974

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Changes as a result

• Had to leave tithed home
• Re-trained as a Social worker
• University of Ulster-placement in USA
• Emphasis on Trauma studies
• Continued MSSc., PhD
• Paul married Gayle in 1988
• 2 grandsons Leon and Max

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• Widows in the western world
• some facts
• Widows to Widowers ratio 41
• Women younger at marriage and at time of husbands
  death
• Womens identity often linked to husbands social
  status
• Historically women were considered as second to
  men-
• Widows were considered inferior.

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Widows

• We do not burn our widow, we pity and avoid
  them Colin Murray-Parkes
• Grief is the price we pay for love
• Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak
  whispers the overwrought heart and bids it break
  Shakespeare

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Stages in grieving

• Chronological grieving
• Biological grieving
• Sexual grieving
• Psychological grieving
• Intellectual Affective
• Social grieving
• Spiritual grieving

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Continuum of grieving process
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Features of widowhood

• Change of role
• Home,family,society
• Age factors
• Financial implications
• Sociological
• Attitudes of others
• Re-marry 60 widowers30 widows

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Rebuilding

• Necessity
• Jobsecurity
• Family multiple roles
• Physical and psychological
• Physical illness, tiredness
• Loneliness, alone-ness, depression
• Social contacts-from past as well as new

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Myths of Widows

• The myth of half a person
• The myth of lost identity
• The merry widow syndrome
• There is a time to move on
• Anniversaries-private and public
• You are young you will marry again
• Time will heal

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What can we do to improve the situation

• Change attitudes in society Widows need to be
  more proactive in demanding change
• Create opportunities for financial security and
  support
• Maintain social contact-male and female
• Keep healthy and try to be positive

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Learning to grieve for the past,while coping
with the present and looking forward to the
future
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