18 Ways to Kill an Awana Club

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18 Ways to Kill an Awana Club
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Step 1

• Dont attend leaders meetings but if you do,
  try to be late. If someone misses a meeting, be
  sure to tell them they didnt miss anything.

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Step 2

• In handbook time, bring in a table game to play
  with the kids. Theyll enjoy it a lot more than
  learning those verses.

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Step 3

• If you ever wear your uniform (and you shouldnt
  very often), wear it rumpled, unbuttoned, and
  dirty--that way you identify with the kids better.

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Step 4

• Dont cheer during game time. You need to save
  your voice, so you can help the game director out
  by yelling at your team whenever they dont quiet
  down for the five count.

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Step 5

• Be sure to sit or stand in the back during
  Council Time, so you can talk freely to another
  leader without being bothered by the speaker.

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Step 6

• Dont bother with records. If the kids dont get
  their awards, maybe theyll quit wanting to do so
  many sections, and then youll get the time you
  wanted to relax during handbook time.

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Step 7

• If youre forced into giving a council time
  message, just bring a Christian video
  cartoon--that way, you dont have to waste time
  by preparing, and you can go get a cup of coffee
  while its playing!

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Step 8

• If asked to help, say you really dont have any
  time. And never offer to do anything its a lot
  easier to criticize than to do things. If the
  commander pushes you even a little, get him off
  your back by threatening to quit.

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Step 9

• If asked to take Basic Training, save time by
  finding the test in the back of the book, and
  just looking up the answers to the questions.
  Why waste extra energy by studying the thing?

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Step 10

• Never read anything that pertains to the staff,
  leaders, clubbers, or Awana--that way you dont
  have to say anything at meetings.

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Step 11

• Never take kids from your street to Awana
  because then you cant go out for coffee
  afterwards.

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Step 12

• Dont earn any leaders awards. They make one
  side of your uniform heavy, and besides, that
  kind of thing is just for kids.

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Step 13

• Dont invite any more kids --especially unsaved
  ones. The more you get, the bigger the mess to
  clean up. And do all you can to keep kids from
  coming who might swear--what would people think
  if someone like that was in your club?

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Step 14

• Dont think about Awana til you get up on club
  morning, then be so busy with other things all
  day that you will be too tired to be any help.

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Step 15

• Do not memorize Scripture verses the clubbers
  are the ones to be learning.

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Step 16

• Dont take part in setting up the game
  floor--whats the game director for?

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Step 17

• Argue a lot about the game leaders rules and
  decisions--after all, your team needs to see that
  you are loyal at all costs.

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Step 18

• Forget to pray for the leaders and clubbers, and
  for yourself.