SAFE

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SAFE SACRED SPACE
An Abuse Prevention Program Of the Kansas East
Conference Of The United Methodist Church
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WELCOME THANKS

• Thanks for coming today!
• Thanks for your commitment to God!
• . . . To the Kansas East Conference!
• . . . to your local church!
• Thanks for your commitment to ministry with
  children, youth, and adults with developmental
  disabilities. . . and for your commitment to safe
  and sacred spaces!

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Gods Word says . . .

• Let the little children come to me. Dont stop
  them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such
  as these.
• Matthew 1914

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CALL TO WORSHIP

• One We remember how little children were
  brought to Jesus for him to bless!
• All Jesus said, Let the children come to me.
• One We remember how Jesus said, the
  kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.
• All Jesus said, Let the children come to me.

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CALL TO WORSHIP

• One To all who received him, who believed
  in his name, he gave the right to become
  children of God.
• All As Gods children, help us to be better
  ministers to all of Gods children who are
  entrusted to our care.
• One As we remember whose we are and those
  whom we are serving, let us pray together

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CALL TO WORSHIP

• All Almighty God, to whom all hearts are
  opened, all desires known, and from whom no
  secrets are hidden, cleanse the thoughts of our
  hearts through the work of your Holy Spirit that
  we may perfectly love you and worthily magnify
  your holy name.
• Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

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SAFE AND SACRED SPACE

• A safe and sacred space is vital to every
  persons spiritual health. A place where we can
  feel secure. . . unthreatened . . . free to
  simply be who God creates us to be.
• Were all here because each of us is called and
  committed to ministries with children and youth!

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SAFE AND SACRED SPACE

• Today, the church may be the only place where
  some can find a safe and sacred space . . . A
  place where they find the unconditional love and
  care they so desperately need to grow, to thrive,
  and to become faithful people of God.

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LET US PRAY TOGETHER

• Gracious God,
• Surround us, this day, with your
  presence.
• Be in our speaking and in our thinking.
• Help us to have teachable hearts as we
• learn together.
• Amen

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WHY ARE WE HERE?
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WE ARE ALL MINISTERS

• Minister All of us here today!
• Ministers are persons who act as
  representatives of the church in any capacity
  (Pastor, Sunday school teacher, youth advisor,
  choir director, etc.)
• Ministerial Relationship
• Relationship of authority and trust in which
  these persons are involved

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AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY

• WE . . . as parents, leaders, volunteers,
  ministers . . . as Christians . . . must take our
  responsibility to children, youth and those with
  special needs seriously, always attending to
  their spiritual growth and nurturing.
• We must keep our spaces safe and sacred . . .
  We have made that promise!

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Joy Thornburg Melton. . .

• Our churches must be the safest and holiest of
  hallowed places for all children if we are to
  succeed in our efforts to make the gospel real in
  the lives of people in need.
• Safe Sanctuaries
  Reducing the Risk of Child Abuse in
  the Church

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KEEPING THE PROMISE

• By being ever mindful that churches are not
  always safe places for children, youth and those
  with special needs.
• Child sexual abuse and exploitation occurs in
  churches and religious institutions, large and
  small, urban and rural, cutting across all
  economic, cultural and racial lines.

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KEEPING THE PROMISE

• By developing and implementing within the Kansas
  East Conference and the conference churches, an
  on-going education and prevention plan based on
  the reality of child abuse, the risk factors
  leading to child abuse, and strategies for
  prevention.
• By adopting screening procedures for workers
  (paid and unpaid) involved with children, youth
  and/or adults with special needs.

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KEEPING THE PROMISE

• By developing and implementing safety procedures
  for church and conference activities.
• By informing children and young persons of an
  agency, or a person outside as well as within the
  local church or conference, whom they can contact
  for advice and help if they have suffered abuse.
• By participation in the Safe and Sacred Space
  Abuse Prevention Program of the Kansas East
  Conference.

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PERSONAL AWARENESS

• Statistics reveal that abuse is more prevalent
  than many think.
• Chances are that someone in this room today, male
  or female, has been abused or know someone who
  has been abused.
• If anyone is uncomfortable for any reason, please
  get up, walk around, get a drink, snacks, etc.

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GOAL and FOCUS

• The goal of Safe and Sacred Space training is
  to maintain the integrity of the ministerial
  relationship and focus on the protection of the
  vulnerable children, youth and/or
  developmentally disabled of all ages. This also
  includes the protection of adult volunteers,
  staff and clergy.

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TECHNOLOGY

• A new responsibility in the ministerial setting.

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MYTH or FACT
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MYTH OR FACT

• One in four girls and one in 4 boys will be
  sexually abused before age 16
• A report of child abuse is made every minute.

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MYTH OR FACT

• A rape is reported in greater Kansas City every
  other day and only 16 of all rapes are ever
  reported.
• Most sexual violence over 50 is committed by
  someone the victim knows, not by a stranger.

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MYTH OR FACT

• Children, young women ages 15 to 25, and persons
  with developmental disabilities are the most
  frequent victims of sexual violence.

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REDUCING THE RISK III- VIDEO
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CHURCH anEASY TARGET
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CHURCH EASY TARGET

• The church is a _____________ friendly
  environment.
• It is a _____________________ environment.
• __________________ with children is encouraged.
• Churches welcome everyone and are ___________
  _________________.

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CHURCH EASY TARGET

• Churches are _______________ environments.
• Insurance companies are experiencing a decrease
  in claims with clergy and an increase with
  ___________ and ___________.

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BREAK

• Be sure your name is on the sign-in sheet!

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SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP

• Recognize Abuse
• Respect Boundaries
• Be aware of power and vulnerability

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AREAS OF ABUSE

• EMOTIONAL
• PHYSICAL
• SEXUAL
• SPIRITUAL

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IDENTIFYING ABUSE SCENARIOS
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IDENTIFY ABUSE SCENARIO

• During swimming some male counselors begin to
  whistle when Sue shows up in her bathing suit.
  You hear them whisper and laugh Sue blushes and
  leaves the pool area.

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IDENTIFY ABUSE SCENARIO

• During free play, several young children are
  running around and playing tag. You watch one of
  your volunteers reach out, stop a child and pull
  him into her lap. The child begins to squirm in
  her embrace the volunteer continues to hold the
  child.

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IDENTIFY ABUSE SCENARIO

• Bill, a junior high youth, has asked you to talk
  to Camp Counselor Mary. Every time that Bill
  sits down, Mary cuddles up beside him and lays
  her head on his shoulder or sits on his lap. She
  inappropriately touches him in places he
  considers private. He has asked her to stop, but
  she continues to fondle him, seeking
  opportunities to be alone with him. She said if
  he tells she will say that it is he who has made
  advances toward her.

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IDENTIFY ABUSE SCENARIO

• John, a leader of a small group of youth, jokes
  about his wife and their sex life with members of
  his group.
• Jane and Mary made a hospital visit on behalf of
  their church to an elderly member of their
  congregation. His hospital gown was open and
  Jane gestured to Mary to take a look. Mary then
  snickered behind her hands, while staring at the
  mans body.

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IDENTIFY ABUSE SCENARIO

• During a day of relaxation on a Volunteer-
  In-Mission trip, several team members (male and
  female) decided to go on a hike. A male
  counselor went along and began massaging a
  teenage girls legs when she said she was hurting
  from the hike.

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Hands of the Church

• Persons who have been abused by the hands of
  the church may experience lifelong spiritual
  struggle and emotional trauma which is comparable
  to that of persons who are abused by a trusted
  family member or friend.
• Discussion . . .

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Why? Because . . .

• The Church represents God to them
• Church folks are family
• Church is a place of trust
• The Church is a safe and sacred space

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RELATIONAL BOUNDARIES
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A boundary is . . .

• An invisible protective fence around our personal
  space.
• Boundaries keep people from abusing us, bursting
  into our space, and controlling us or getting us
  to do things before we have a chance to think or
  say no.
• Our boundaries keep us aware of the boundaries of
  others so we dont invade their space.

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RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES

• Professional and personal settings
• Fixed by virtue of the relationship
• Well defined and understood
• Ministerial Relationship
• Less Clear

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BOUNDARY ISSUESAND MISPLACED FEELINGS
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TOUCH AND HUGS
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TOUCHING IS VALUABLE

• The gift of touch is one that can offer
  healing, peace and support! It is important that
  no one leaves this class thinking that someone in
  a ministerial role in the church cannot touch a
  child.

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OUR PATTERNS OF TOUCH

• We must examine our own thoughts about touch.
• We must consider the message we send with our
  words, our hands and our touch.

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Dont raise your hands . . .

• Do you consider yourself a toucher?
• Some of you may not be comfortable with
  touching. (What has influenced your thoughts
  about touch?)
• As persons committed to creating safe and
  sacred spaces, we must honestly assess our
  patterns of touching and our motivation for
  touching.

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The only motivation for touching is to

• share Gods
• compassion and care!

We do not work with children to meet our
own needs!
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SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALIZED BEHAVIOR
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Examples of Sexualized Behavior

• In the United States
• In other cultures

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SEXUALIZED BEHAVIOR IN OTHER CULTURES

• Key is knowing the norm and/or expectations of
  the culture where ministry will occur!
• This is important in a VIM (Volunteer-in-Mission
  ) setting or Youth Mission Trip.

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CROSSING BOUNDARIES

• Ministry provides easy access
• for boundary crossing

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RESPONDING TO INAPPROPRIATE SEXUALIZED BEHAVIOR
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BOUNDARY CROSSING

• Lets talk about . . .
• Non-offenders
• Wanderers
• Predators
• How they behave determines
• If they are a sexual abuser.

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CROSSING BOUNDARIESTaken from FaithTrust
Institute

• Boundaries
• Touch
• Sexualized Behavior
• Role

• Non-offender
• Wanderer
• Predator

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DIFFERENT TYPES OF BOUNDARIES

• Physical (touch)
• Personal (role)
• Sexual (behavior)

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Why Intentions Are Not the Key to Good, Bad and
Confusing Touch

• TOUCHERS GOOD INTENTIONS

• Receivers freedom of choice about the touching
• Receivers perception of the toucher
• Receivers and touchers relationship
• Receivers history of abuse
• Receivers experience with touch
• Receivers current emotional state
• Receivers life situation
• Receivers interests at the moment
• Receivers feelings about touch in general
• Receivers physical state

Filters
RECEIVERS EXPERIENCE OF TOUCH
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PERCEPTION OF RECEIVER

• The toucher may be oblivious to how the receiver
  perceives the touch.
• The toucher may think the receiver reacts to
  touch in the same way he or she would react.
• The receiver not the toucher determines
  whether a touch is good, bad, or
  confusing!

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REMEMBER!

• The perception of the one being touched is always
  more important than the intent of the one doing
  the touch.

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POWER VULNERABILITY
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Three Kinds of Power

• Culturally conferred power
• Secular/professional power
• Sacred power

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VULNERABLE . . .

• . . . includes anyone in a relationship where
  the use of power might be exploited. That abuse
  could be physical, emotional, sexual, financial,
  and/or spiritual.
• Vulnerable people include children, youth,
  seniors, disabled and anyone of any age in a
  situation where they are not safe to stand
  against the exploitation of their trust in
  another.

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CONCEPTS OF POWER AND VULNERABILITY

• POWER

• VULNERABILITY

• Greater resources
• Potential for abusing those with less power

• Fewer resources
• Potential for being abused by those with more
  power

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POWER SCENERIOS

• ACTIVITY 5

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POWER SCENARIOS

• A forty-five year old white female chairperson of
  the staff parish relations committee, in relation
  to the fifty year old African American Youth
  Director of the church.
• A male pastor leans down and hugs a four year old
  female child. (Would the scenario be any
  different if he asked the childs mother if he
  could hug her?)

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POWER SCENARIOS, cont.

• A fifteen year old Spanish female with limited
  English skills, and her thirty year old Caucasian
  male youth pastor.
• A twenty-five year old male pastor discovers his
  wife is addicted to cocaine he knows little
  about drug addiction or treatment options
  available and seeks advice from his thirty-five
  year old female pastor.

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WHY CARE ABOUT POWER?

• We care about power in relation-ships with
  children, youth and adults with developmental
  disabilities because they are vulnerable.
• Because many people have power over
  them!

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SEXUAL ABUSE HAPPENS . . .

• . . . when a person exerts his or her power
  over another in ways that harms or exploits the
  other person.
• The abuser is powerful the victim is vulnerable.

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RULES OF THE SEA AND THE CONCEPT OF POWER

• SPEEDBOAT is the
• burdened party
• Has power and control
• of movement
• Is obligated to avoid
• boats under sail
• Has the burden of
• responsibility
• BURDEN

• SAILBOAT is the
• privileged party
• At the mercy of the wind
• less control of movement
• Is vulnerable to power
• boats
• Has the privilege of
• being protected
• PRIVILEGE

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NOT JUST CONSENT MEANINGFUL CONSENT

• Meaningful consent requires
• Equality of resources
• Lack of coercion (direct or indirect)
• Lack of constraints on choice
• Ability to say no (self confidence or maturity)
• Freedom to say no (not punished, rejected or
  shamed for saying no)

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MEANINGFUL CONSENT

• The power of the ministerial relationship and
  role can easily be misused.
• Meaningful consent to sexual activity requires a
  context not merely of choice, but of equality.
• Meaningful consent requires the absence of fear
  or even the most subtle coercion.

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No meaningful consent is possible when there is
a POWER DIFFERENTIAL
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CONDUCT AND EXPECTATIONS
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SEXUAL BEHAVIOR/ SEXUALIZED CONTACT

• The ministerial relationship proposes certain
  
• role expectations.
• Sexualized contact or sexualized behavior is
• NOT part of the ministerial role.
• The role of minister carries with it authority
  and
• power, and the responsibility to use this
  power
• to benefit the people whom we are serving.
• The power of the ministerial relationship and
• role can easily be misused.

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SELF-KNOWLEDGEAND SELF-CARE
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• You and these people who come to you will only
  wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for
  you alone.

Exodus 1818
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GUIDELINES FOR LISTENING
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GUIDELINES FOR LISTENING

• Be honest! If asked to keep a secret respond
  with honesty. I will keep everything you say
  between you and me unless I am concerned that you
  are being hurt, or might be hurt.
• Dont deny the allegations. Simply listen.
• Control your emotional response facial
  expressions, body language, etc.
• Dont prolong the conversation. Listen!

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GUIDELINES FOR LISTENING

• If necessary to ask questions, ask only
  open-ended questions,
• Avoid leading questions, i.e., where does he/she
  touch you?
• Provide emotional support and take the child or
  youth to the program director, clergy, or
  designated person.
• Document your recollection of the conversation in
  writing as soon as possible.

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What to say to childrenwho disclose abuse . . .

• Thank you for telling me
• Im sorry this happened to you.
• It shouldnt have happened to a child.
• Ill do my best to get help for you and your
  family.
• How are you feeling right now?
• What are you most worried about?
• I think you are a very good, brave little
  boy/girl, and its OK to be upset.

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What NOT to say to childrenwho disclose abuse .
. .

• You can tell me anything I promise I wont
  anyone else.
• I promise you, I will never let this happen to
  you again.
• Your father (mother, step-dad, etc.) is a
  terrible, sick person.
• Your father (mother, step-dad, etc.) will
  (should) go to jail for this.

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TO BE AVOIDED

• Any form of involved interrogation
• Any discussion of the abuse in front of other
  children

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RECOGNIZING ABUSE
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HOW TO REPORTSUSPECTED ABUSE
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HOW TO REPORTSUSPECTED ABUSE

• Kansas East Conference Procedures for
  Resolving Violations of Certification Policy
• Visit your local church policy.

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KANSAS CHILDPROTECTIVE SERVICES

• 1-800-922-5330
• STAFFED 24 HOURS A DAY
• In event of emergency
• call local law enforcement or
• 911

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REPORTING SCENERIOS

• ACTIVITY 6

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REPORTING SCENARIO

• You are a 14 year old girl. Your fathers best
  friend has been sexually abusing you for two
  years. The abuse began with tickling, and
  escalated to fondling. Last month, he raped you.
  You have never spoken about this to anyone. As
  you think about leaving this event and going
  home, you are filled with dread. You decide to
  tell the youth counselor and ask for help.

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REPORTING SCENARIO

• You are a 12 year old boy. Last year while
  visiting your grandparents, one your uncles
  sexually molested you. He told you that he would
  hurt your sister if you told anyone. You have
  kept this secret for as long as you are able.
  You decide to tell a counselor about it.

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REPORTING SCENARIO

• You are a 16 year old girl on a conference youth
  trip., After a concert, you are headed back to
  your room. You ride the elevator with an adult
  counselor. When the door closes he presses you
  into a corner and begins to kiss you. When the
  elevator door opens, he darts out. You have
  heard about Safe and Sacred Space, and decide
  that someone needs to know about this.

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REPORTING SCENARIO

• You are a 15 year old boy. After a days work on
  a mission trip, you head to the showers. While
  you are drying off, other teens begin to try and
  grab your towel. They wont let you out of the
  shower room. Soon, other boys crowd into the
  shower room and begin jeering at you. You feel
  embarrassed and frightened. Your counselor walks
  in and says, Hey, whats going on here?

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CONSEQUENCES OFSEXUAL ABUSE

• CONGREGATION

ABUSER
VICTIM
PARENTS
MINISTRY
VICTIMS FAMILY
ABUSERS FAMILY
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JUSTICE AND MERCY
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JUSTICE AND MERCY

• And what does the Lord
• require of you?
• To act justly, to love mercy,
• and to walk humbly
• with your God.
• 
  
• 
  Micah
  68

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THE SEVEN ELEMENTS OF JUSTICE MAKING
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SEVEN ELEMENTS OF JUSTICE-MAKING Is Nothing
Sacred, By Marie M. Fortune

• 1) Truth telling gives reality to the reality
  of the abuse.
• 2) Acknowledging the violation hear the
  truth, name the abuse, and condemn it as wrong.
• 3) Compassion listen to and suffer with the
  victim.
• 4) Protecting the vulnerable take steps to
  prevent further abuse to the victim and others.

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JUSTICE-MAKING, cont.

• 5) Accountability confront the abuser and
  impose negative consequences this step makes
  repentance possible.
• 6) Restitution make symbolic restoration of
  what was lost give a tangible means to
  acknowledge the wrongfulness of the abuse and the
  harm done, and to bring about healing (e.g.
  payment for therapy).
• 7) Vindication Set the victim free from
  suffering caused by the abuse.

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Marie M. Fortune . . .
Justice-making becomes the means for healing all
parties involved. Justice-making can free people
to forgive, which can make restoration possible
with memory. Our goal is not to forgive and
forget, but to forgive and remember.
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Is Nothing Sacred, Marie M. Fortune
Justice and mercy are the only means we have to
repair the consequences of injustice. There can
be no healing without justice-making!
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SUMMARY
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SCRAMBLE QUIZ
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CLOSING PRAYER

• Lord,
• As we leave this place, help us to carry with
  us all that we have heard and seen and learned
  today. Heighten our awareness as you grow us in
  compassion.
• Amen

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SAFE SACRED SPACE
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION!
An Abuse Prevention Program Of the Kansas East
Conference Of The United Methodist Church
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EVALUATION

• Form F Verification
• Form G - Evaluation

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