Conflict Managing Conflict Effectively Volunteer Development Series

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Conflict!Managing Conflict EffectivelyVolunte
er Development Series
L.J. Osborne, Ph.D. South Dakota State
University May 2005 .
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Conflict is..

• Conflict occurs when cares/concerns appear to
  be incompatible
• Internal Conflict
• a disturbance that rages within a single
  individual
• Interpersonal Conflict
• A disturbance that exists between 2 or more
  individuals/groups

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Conflict is

• Something we face everyday
• A fact of life
• An opportunity to create an understanding
• Often a result of miscommunication
• Not limited to fighting
• Not always negative

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Basic Psychological Needs

• To be valued and treated as an individual
• To be in control
• To have strong self-esteem
• To be consistent

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How people respond

• Retaliate
• Momentary
• Always a mistake
• Intimidate
• Short tempers
• Strong opinions
• Hard on the long term relationship

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How people respond (cont)

• Isolate
• Appear to accept the situation
• They may actually be suppressing it
• This is how small problems grow into huge
  misunderstandings
• Cooperate
• Confront the issue immediately
• Address the problem by putting it on the table
• Greatest long term benefit

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2 Critical Elements of Conflict

• Communication
• Verbal communication
• 7
• Non-verbal communication
• 93
• Emotional Aspect
• Is this pushing a hot button?
• What is your level of commitment to this person?
• What else is happening in your life?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important is this?

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Emotional Donts

• Dont get in a power struggle
• Dont detach from conflict
• Dont let conflict establish your agenda
• Dont over-dramatize the situation
• Dont awfulize!!

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Whats Your Conflict Management Style?

• How do you react during a conflictand
• how do others react to you?
• ASSERTIVENESS
• COOPERATIVENESS

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Graph of Conflict Handling Modes
Competing
Collaborating
Compromising
Unassertive Assertive
Accommodating
Avoiding
Uncooperative
Cooperative
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Conflict Handling Modes

• Competing High assertiveness and low
  cooperativeness the goal is to win.
• Accommodating Low assertiveness and high
  cooperativeness the goal is to yield.
• Avoiding Low assertiveness and low
  cooperativeness the goal is to delay.

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Conflict Handling Modes

• Collaborating High assertiveness and high
  cooperativeness the goal is to find a win-win
  solution.
• Compromising Moderate assertiveness and
  moderate cooperativeness the goal is to find a
  middle ground.

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Stages of Conflict

• Stage One Everyday Difficulties
• Low intensity
• Day-to-day irritations
• Discomfort anger are quickly passed off
• No big deal attitude
• Strategies
• Avoidance
• Obliging
• Jointly examine both sides
• Evaluate the proportion of the reaction to the
  situation

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Stages of Conflict

• Stage Two Significant Difficulties
• Win-lose attitude
• More personal investment
• Self interest saving face is important
• Victories/mistakes are remembered
• Alliances cliques are formed
• Strategies
• Create a safe environment informal setting,
  neutral turf, agenda, control, set tone, be
  vulnerable
• Hard on facts and soft on people
• Do initial work as a team
• Look for middle ground
• Allow enough time
• Seat people next to each other

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Stages of Conflict

• Stage Three Overt Battles
• Shift from wanting to win to wanting to hurt
• Being right and punishing the wrong is a
  consuming motivation
• Positions are polarized
• Logic and reason are ineffective
• Strategies
• Negotiation discussion compromise
• Mediation third party serves as a go-between in
  order to reconcile
• Arbitration determination of a case in
  controversy by a person selected by the parties

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Constructive Confrontation Model

• Use I statements to specify reaction to the
  problem.
• I statements not You statements
• Specify inappropriate behavior to be stopped
• State reasons for reaction
• Specify desired behavior
• Focus on solving the problem, not proving whos
  right or wrong

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Example

• I get frustrated when you interrupt because
• I lose my train of thought therefore, please
• let me finish before you give me your input.

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What is the Best Way to Handle Conflict???

• No silver bullet or magic formula
• Key is knowing when to use each strategy, and not
  to let the situation get out of control
• RememberNegative behavior never confronted,
  never changes!!!!

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Credits

• Conflict Management
• i-LEaD, Betty A. Krejci, Purdue University
  Cooperative Extension
• Conflict in ExtensionIt happens!
• 2002 Neld Class Maryann Dickason, Natalie
  Fowler, Kris Goff, Mike Manning, Steve McKinley,
  Diane Roell-Paris.
• North Caroline State University, North Carolina
  Cooperative Extension
• Special Thank you to Steve McKinley and Mike
  Manning, Purdue University