Revision: Big Idea

1
Sometimes in life you learn a lesson the hard
way. No matter what someone says, you just dont
listen. The only problem is that you are the one
who pays the consequences. When I was a
sophomore in high school, I was lucky to go on an
amazing trip to Hawaii. The weather was
unbelievable. A mild wind gently blew all day
from west to east. The temperature was a
comfortable eighty-five degrees, but it felt
cooler from the breeze. The sun was a huge round
disc in the sky, and the clouds were a billowy
white in a sea of blue. The bronze, crimson and
purple flowers bent slightly high over the bluffs
as the foamy waves curled over and pounded the
yellow sand. We arrived early in the morning
and took a taxi to the hotel. My sister was busy
chatting with her friend Elaine, and I peeped out
a word or two every chance I could get. Elaine
was my sisters best friend growing up, and they
were inseparable. They did everything together.
If Margaret wanted to go to the movies, Elaine
wanted to go to the movies. If Elaine wanted to
play outside, Margaret wanted to play
outside. The third day we were there, we
experiences a horrible tropical storm. The
winded gusted, and howled like in the movies.
Tree limbs bent and broke. Debris was all over,
and cluttered the roads. The hotel even lost its
power for a short time. We had to stay in our
rooms and eat by candle light. The cool thing
about the storm was that when it was all over,
the waves were incredibly huge. Not listening to
my mothers wise advice, I decided to try and
body-surf the massive waves. Working my way
out to the waves was extremely hard. However, I
finally made my way out, and attempted to ride a
wave. I rode a wave alright. Instantly, the next
wave sucked me in like a vacuum cleaner. I
didnt know what hit me. My body was thrown into
the ground head first. The wave then dumped me
on the shore. I was lucky to be alive.
2
Revision Big Idea
The cool thing about the storm was that when it
was all over, the waves were incredibly huge.
Not listening to my mothers wise advice, I
decided to try and body-surf the massive waves.
Working my way out to the waves was
extremely hard. However, I finally made my way
out, and attempted to ride a wave. I rode a
wave alright. Instantly, the next wave sucked me
in like a vacuum cleaner. I didnt know what
hit me. My body was thrown into the ground
head first. The wave then dumped me on the
shore. I was lucky to be alive.
3
Revision Big Idea (Stretch with cut and paste)
The cool thing about the storm was that when it
was all over, the waves were incredibly
huge.(1) I had never seen such monsters. Each
wave began to form about one hundred yards from
shore, lift to about fifteen feet, crash into the
beach, and drain into the hotels pool. Not
listening to my mothers wise advice, I decided
to try and body-surf the massive waves.
Working my way out to the waves was extremely
hard.(2) I had to get past the booming water
that was striking the shore so violently.
However, I finally made my way out, and
attempted to ride a wave. I rode a wave
alright.(3) I turned to the shore to align my
body correctly, and pushed off holding my
breathe. Instantly, the next wave sucked me in
like a vacuum cleaner. I didnt know what hit
me. My body was thrown into the ground head
first.(4) The watery beast tossed, turned and
pounded my body along the otherwise soft beach.
My underwater screams were only heard by me. The
wave then dumped me onto the shore.(4) Bruised
and beaten, l looked down to see blood trickling
out of ten different scrapes. I took a deep
breathe and slowly whistled it out. I was lucky
to be alive.
4
Sometimes in life you learn a lesson the hard
way. No matter what someone says, you just dont
listen. The only problem is that you are the one
who pays the consequences. When I was a
sophomore in high school, I was lucky to go on an
amazing trip to Hawaii. The weather was
unbelievable. A mild wind gently blew all day
from west to east. The temperature was a
comfortable eighty-five degrees, but it felt
cooler from the breeze. The sun was a huge round
disc in the sky, and the clouds were a billowy
white in a sea of blue. The bronze, crimson and
purple flowers bent slightly high over the bluffs
as the foamy waves curled over and pounded the
yellow sand. However, a tropical storm hit the
big island. The cool thing about the storm was
that when it was all over, the waves were
incredibly huge. I had never seen such monsters.
Each wave began to form about one hundred yards
from shore, lift to about fifteen feet, crash
into the beach, and drain into the hotels pool.
Not listening to my mothers wise advice, I
decided to try and body-surf the massive waves.
Working my way out to the waves was extremely
hard. I had to get past the booming water that
was striking the shore so violently. The sound
was deafening. However, I finally made my way
out, and attempted to ride a wave. I rode a wave
alright. I turned to the shore to align my body
correctly, and pushed off holding my breathe.
Instantly, the next wave sucked me in like a
vacuum cleaner. I didnt know what hit me. My
body was thrown into the ground head first. The
watery beast tossed, turned and pounded my body
along the normally soft beach. My underwater
screams were only heard by me. The wave then
dumped me onto the shore Bruised and beaten, l
looked down to see blood trickling out of ten
different scrapes. I took a deep breathe and
slowly whistled it out. I was lucky to be
alive.