Seeking Wholeness in a Fragmented world

1
Seeking Wholeness in a Fragmented world

• Mass Bay District
• Spring Conference
• April 25, 2009
• Rev. Dr. Terasa Cooley

2
Context - Fragmented Lives

• Feel forced to choose between work, family,
  congregation
• One area of life doesnt seem connected to others
• Disconnected from families of origin, sense of
  place, foundational values
• Increased choices leading to paralysis

3
Context - Fragmented Culture

• Isolation among thought groups
• Political polarization
• Identity divisions
• Distance between haves and have-nots
• Generational divisions

4
Context - Fragmented Congregations

• Uneasy peace among theologies
• Dont know how to openly address conflict and
  disagreement
• Feel torn between serving those already with us
  and being open to growth
• Unclear about ultimate mission and purpose

5
Leadership Challenges

• From Fiduciary to Strategic to Adaptive
• Technical solutions no longer suffice
• Transparent yet effective decision-making
• Responsive / Decisive / Inclusive

6
Adaptive vs. Technical
Adaptive
Technical

• Seeks right question
• Both problem solution require learning
  experimentation
• Shared leadership
• Generates Disequalibrium Challenges Values
• Surfaces Conflict

• Clear Problem and Solution
• Protect from outside threats
• Restores Order
• Clear Authority
• Defined time frame

7
Polarity Management

• Individual

Community
Choice Freedom Creativity Self-actualization
Connection Growth Complementarity Spectrum of
skills New perspective
Narcissism Selfishness Lack of cohesion Loneliness
Group think Homogeneity Compromise Power imbalance
8
Assumptions

• That adaptive behavior requires self-awareness
• That we seek to overcome polarization
• Addressing fragmentation is a spiritual effort
• Answer to busyness is meaning-making

9
Assumptions

• Being liberally religious requires great effort
• Conflict among perspectives is healthy
• The purpose of the church is to serve a mission,
  not to make people happy
• Leadership demands the awareness of a larger
  vision

10
We Find Ourselves at the Center
I
Who am I? What do I need? How am I
responsible? What do I feel called to? What is
innate in me? What are my patterns?
We
Thou
How do we stay connected? What can we ask of one
another? How do we disagree?
Who or what do we serve? How do we place
ourselves in service of something larger?
11
We Find Ourselves at the Center
Theology
Faith
Institution
Spiritual Practice
Lived Experience
Surrounding Culture
Tradition
Family
Work
Community
12
The Enigma of the Self

• Is the self a figment of our imagination?
• Are we a vehicle for genetic transportation
• Nature vs. nurture
• Overcoming shoulds and oughts
• Csikszentmihalyi A trait of the transcendent
  self is the mastery of wisdom and spirituality

13
The Self in Balance
Gratitude
For what / whom am I thankful?
What do I need to let go of?
Accountability
Humility
What do I need to claim?
14
Exercise

• Spend ten minutes utilizing your spiritual
  practice dwelling with these questions
• For what / whom am I particularly grateful right
  now?
• What do I need to take responsibility for?
• What do I need to let go of?
• How do these questions comes together for you?

15
The Spiritual Self
What gift can I offer the world?
Calling
What are your convictions for good?
Powerlessness
What have I learned when I realize Im not in
control of the world?
Hope
16
Exercise

• In pairs
• What would you do if you could take six months
  and do whatever you desire?
• What is calling to you within this desire?

17
The Polarities of Community

• Maintain Self ------------------------ Connect to
  Others
• Allow Freedom ---------------------- Help One
  Another
• Take Risks --------------------------- Maintain
  Safety
• Sacrifice ---------------------------------
  Benefit
• Comfort --------------------------------
  Challenge
• Stranger --------------------------------- Friend

18
Balance of Community
Growth
What do people gain in community that could never
be found alone?
Can we embrace the inevitable change that takes
place within a community?
Sacrifice
Evolution
How do we learn to give up some of what we want
for the good of community?
19
Exercise

• In pairs, describe an experience you had within
  your congregation which helped you grow, even as
  you had to give something up?

20
Balance of Community
Self- Knowledge
What do I bring (expectations, assumptions) to
this experience?
Group Awareness
Covenant
What have we learned about ourselves as a
community?
How do we want to be together as a community?
21
Exercise

• Within congregational groups explore a time in
  congregational life when you felt this balance
  was achieved, or not achieved.

22
Moving toward Thou

• The purpose of our religious communities is to
  move us to something beyond ourselves
• Each community has a particular calling, not
  about being all things to all people
• Developing a relationship with our neighbors
  grows our calling
• Vision grows out of being, doing, and then
  perhaps seeing

23
The Balance in Thou
How do we know what to pay attention to?
Discernment
Transparency
Mission
Are we letting purpose come through us?
What is the calling of this congregation?
24
Exercise

• In pairs representing two congregations, explore
  a time that has been life-giving to your
  congregation.

25
Attending to Thou
Making Sacred
How do we get in touch with the sacred quality of
our work?
Values Centered
Listening
What are the inherent values we want to bring to
life?
How do we create a space for telling our stories?
26
Exercise

• One congregational team Tell the story of a time
  when your congregation faced a very complex set
  of decisions.
• What were the values you were trying to embody?
• How can we honor them?

27
Religious Community can

• Help us understand ourselves more deeply our
  loves and longings, our potential and our
  limitations, AND
• Help us live in community finding both
  affirmation and challenge through giving and
  receiving, AND
• Help us understand ourselves as part of a larger
  whole in which we live and find our being.

28
The Purpose of Unitarian Universalism

• At our best, Unitarian Universalist congregations
  provide a balance in seeking
• what is meaningful in the lives of individuals
• how we come together in healthy community
• to serve a larger purpose in our communities and
  in the world

29
Resources

• Margaret Benefiel, Soul at Work Spiritual
  Leadership in Orgnanizations, Seabury Press,
  2005.
• Mark Lau Branson, Memories, Hopes,
  Conversations Appreciative Inquiry and
  Congregational Change, Alban, 2004.
• Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, The Evolving Self,
  Harper Perennial, 1994.
• Barry Johnson, Polarity Management, Human
  Resource Development Press, 1992.

30
Resources, contd

• Marty Linski and Ron Heifetz, Leadership on the
  Line, Harvard Business School Press, 2002.
• Gerald May, The Awakened Heart, Harper Collins,
  1991.
• Kathleen Norris, Amazing Grace, Riverhead Books,
  1998.
• Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, Jossey-Bass,
  2004.
• Charles M. Olsen, Transforming Church Boards into
  Communities of Spiritual Leaders, Alban
  Institute, 1995

31
Resources, contd

• Parker Palmer, A Company of Strangers,
  Crossroads, 1983.
• Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak, Jossey-Bass,
  2000.
• Martyn Percy Ian Markham, eds., Why Liberal
  Churches are Growing, T T Clark, 2006.
• Paul Rasor, Faith Without Certainty, Skinner
  House, 2005.