Communication

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Communication
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Communication Associated with Marital Decline

• negative affect
• negative affect reciprocity
• wife reciprocates husbands neg. affect
• high structure
• interpret messages more negatively
• withdrawal

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Neg. Communication

• higher physiological arousal
• wife compliance
• either being defensive or stubborn
• longer arguments without exiting
• pattern of wife demand and husband withdraws

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Communication associated with stable or positive
marriage

• husband gives into wife sometimes
• husband show more affection
• less anger for both
• less husband whining
• high interest shown by wife

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Effective Communication

• I - messages
• Reflective listening

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Listening

• reflective
• empathic
• active

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Problem Solving

• Address issue
• ask partner for help and contract to resolve
  issue
• each share own point of view
• reflective listening
• share wants for self, for others, and for us

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Conflict Resolution Steps

• Identity/define issues
• Contract to work through the issue
• Understand the issue completely
• Identify wants for self, others, and us
• Generate options - brainstorm
• choose plan of action -think win/win
• try the plan and evaluate it

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Dysfunctional Family Communication

• Triangles
• Secrets
• Emotional/verbal abuse

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Couples Communication

• Validation
• Distance regulation
• Conflict resolution (fighting right)

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Ground Rules for Fighting Fair

• Negotiate from the Adult position
• Avoid ultimatums
• If one loses, both lose
• Avoid accusations and attack
• Own you own feelings first
• Always check out your perceptions
• State your requests and wishes clearly and
  directly

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Fighting fair

• Never use sex to smooth over a disagreement
• Repeat message you think you received
• Refuse to fight dirty
• Resist giving the silent treatment
• Call time - out and foul
• Use humor and comic relief
• Always go for closure

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Styles of Conflicts

• Complementary
• dominant/submissive
• talkative/quiet
• pursue/withdrawal
• Symmetrical
• Parallel

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Therapy

• cost - also sliding scale
• qualifications - licensed
• 73 of 102 clients surveyed report improvement
• 20 no change
• 7 worse

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Systems Therapy

• problems/symptoms serve to keep system stable
  (make a joke)

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Behavioral Therapy

• example caring days