Listening and Emotional Intelligence

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Listening and Emotional Intelligence
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• It is moments of great disappointment that you
  find out who you really are.

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• Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak
  courage is also what it takes to sit down and
  listen.
• Winston Churchill

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Communication Process

• Sender
• Receiver
• Feedback
• Interference

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Channels of Communication

• Face-to-face
• Telephonic
• Email, text messaging, internet
• Memos, letters
• Formal reports

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Message Receiving Process

• Listening
• Analyzing
• Checking understanding

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Listen

• From Websters Dictionary
• To pay attention to sound
• To hear with thoughtful attention
• To be alert and catch an expected sound

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Types of Listening

• Active
• listening with a purpose (Barker, 1971)
• Empathic
• Listening to understand the other person
• Critical listening
• To determine accuracy
• Listening for enjoyment

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Active Listening

• Make time
• Act interested in speaker
• Good eye contact
• Repeat key phrases
• Ask questions
• Concentrate on what is being said

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Listening

• Pay attention
• Avoid distractions
• Do not assume or interrupt
• Watch nonverbal clues
• Ask questions
• Take notes
• Provide feedback

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Ten Keys to Effective Listening
Keys Poor Listener Good Listener
1. Listen actively Is passive, laid back Asks questions paraphrases what is said
2. Find areas of interest Tunes out dry subjects Looks for opportunities, new learning
3. Resist distractions Is easily distracted Fights distractions tolerates bad habits knows how to concentrate
4. Capitalize on the fact that thought is faster than speech Tends to daydream with slow speakers Challenges, anticipates, summarizes listens between lines to tone of voice
5. Be responsive Is minimally involved Nods shows interest, positive feedback
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Keys Poor Listener Good Listener
6. Judge content, not delivery Tunes out if delivery is poor Judges content skips over delivery errors
7. Hold ones fire Has preconceptions argues Does not judge until comprehension is complete
8. Listen for ideas Listens for facts Listens to central themes
9. Work at listening No energy output faked attention Works hard exhibits active body state, eye contact
10. Exercise ones mind Resists difficult material in favor of light, recreational material Uses heavier material as exercise for the mind
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Analyzing

• Listen actively
• Evaluate message after listening

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Analyzing

• From Websters Dictionary
• To study or determine the nature and relationship
  of the parts by analysis

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Check Understanding

• Paraphrase
• Watch nonverbal cues

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Feedback

• Repeat key phrases to show you understand what is
  being said

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Irritating Listening Habits

• Interrupting the speaker
• Not looking at the speaker
• Rushing the speaker
• Showing interest in something else
• Finishing the speakers thoughts
• Not responding to requests
• Saying Yes but..
• Topping the speakers story
• Forgetting what was asked
• Asking too many questions
• The International Listening Association

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Barriers to Listening

• Emotions
• Too technical
• Too much information
• Past experiences
• Busy thinking about our answer
• Assumptions
• Opinions

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Open Ended Questions

• Good tools for getting information
• Cannot be answered with just a yes or no
• Samples
• Why do you say that?
• How did you feel about what she said?
• How will you handle the situation?
• Why do you think you reacted that way?

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Body Language

• Head nodding
• Leaning forward
• Relaxed body posture
• Facial expressions
• Eye contact

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Emotional Intelligence

• Daniel Goleman
• A persons ability to perceived, identify,
  understand and successfully manage emotions in
  self and others.

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Costs to Leaders

• Loss of followers
• Conflict
• Absenteeism
• Health costs
• Lawsuits
• Workplace violence

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Elements of Emotional Intelligence- Kolp and Rea

• Self Awareness
• Accurate self-assessment of skill and emotion
• Self confidence
• Self Management
• Self control
• Integrity
• Adaptable to change
• Initiative

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Elements of Emotional Intelligence- Kolp and Rea

• Social Awareness
• Empathy and service orientation
• Awareness of organization realities
• Social Skills
• Leading change
• Creation of shared vision and sense of team
• Communication and conflict resolution
• Relationship building

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Emotional Families

• Anger
• Sadness
• Fear
• Enjoyment
• Love
• Surprise
• Disgust
• Shame

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Goleman on Saloveys DefinitionComponents of
Emotional Intelligence

• Knowing ones emotions
• Managing emotions
• Motivating oneself
• Recognizing emotions in others
• Handling relationships

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References

• Richard L. Daft, The Leadership Experience,
  (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 143
• Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence,
• (Bantam International, New York)
• Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson
  Publishing, Ohio) p. 204
• Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Becoming a
  Conflict Competent Leader, (Jossey Bass
  Publisher, California) p. 11-15
• Barker, L.L. (1971) Listening Behavior, Englewood
  Cliffs, NJ Prentice-Hall
• Robyn Walker, Strategic Business Communication,
  Thomson Publishing, Ohio) pp. 198-201
• Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Leading with Integrity,
  (Atomic Dog Publishing, Cincinnati) p. 199.
• Webster Dictionary
• The International Listening Association