Communicating about sex

1
Communicating about sex

• Words, games, and attitudes

2
Purposes of sexual communication

• Why talk about sex?
• Society
• Church
• Same-sex friends
• Opposite-sex friends
• Potential sexual partners
• Mates

3
How connected are sex, love, and intimacy?

• Janus Janus (1993)
• 69 of men and 75 of women saw sex and intimacy
  as separate parts of a relationship.
• NHSLS (1994)
• Twice as many, to four times as many women as men
  say they loved their first sexual partner
• Sex can confuse a relationship

4
Why is sexual communication challenging?

• Lack of practice
• Sub-cultural proscription
• Personal discomfort
• Ambiguity of all communication
• Sender--gtSenders Interpretative System--gt
  Message--gtReceivers Interpretative System--gt
  Receiver
• Choice and meaning of words

5
Sex words

• Slang terms are popular among men talking with
  other men and, to a lesser degree, among men
  talking with women partners
• Women seem to prefer appropriate words or no
  terms at all
• Women are often offended by mens choice of
  words, especially about sexual intercourse or
  womens anatomy

6
More sex words

• From the late 70s to the late 80s, college
  students shifted towards preferring no words for
  sexual anatomy.
• The phrase sexual intercourse has almost
  disappeared from college students expressive
  vocabulary
• Women prefer diminutive euphemisms and vague
  references

7
What does intimacy mean?

• Is it love, or just lust?
• Does passion ignore love?
• Are love and sex functionally related?
• Evaluate this old saying
• Men give love to get sex women give sex to get
  love.

8
Cross-gender friendship

• A relative absence of scripts
• Influence of sexual roles, eg. dominance and
  submission
• Ambiguity of messages
• Time spent together, smiles and eye contact, and
  personal attention may be misunderstood to convey
  sexual interest
• Social structures, such as social networks or
  work tasks, may provide welcome boundaries

9
Breaking up is hard to do

• Exclusivity, jealousy, and possessiveness vs.
  self-awareness and self-acceptance
• The meaning of rejection
• Getting to know someone sometimes means learning
  you dont want to go further
• Most breakup scripts are miserably weak
• Tact and honesty are valuable
• Clarity is crucial