A Child

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A Childs AngerCounseling Techniques with
Children and Pre-TeensFlorida State Vitim
Assistance AcademyJuly 29, 2008

• Paul R. White LCSW
• Seminars and Enterprises

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Working with Kids

• Techniques and Strategies To
• Enhance the Child/Counselor Relationship
• Help Children Rethink Their Behaviors
• Modify Their Own Behaviors
• Help Children Identify and Cope with Feelings

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The Clinical Basis of Child Treatment

• Mental Health Happens
• Assisted Mental Health Happens
• Directed Mental Health doesnt just happen its
  Therapy
• Play with children happens when it is assisted
  and directed by a trained and/or experienced
  professional, we call it Play Therapy

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Why do Children Come to Counseling?

• Improve Problem Solving Skills
• all daylong
• Improve Decision Making Abilities want to do vs.
  have to do
• Developing Impulse Control marshmallow

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Why do Children Come to Counseling?

• Discovering and Enhancing Self-esteem
• two words
• Developing and Utilizing Patience self/others
  (Patience/Trust)
• Resolving Dilemmas of Life nuances, Problem
  resolution

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Secure a Professional Philosophy
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• When we adults think of children, there is a
  simple truth we often ignore Childhood is not
  only preparation for life childhood is life! A
  child isnt just getting ready for life a child
  is livingChildhood isnt a time when he is
  molded into a human who will then live he is a
  human who is living life.
• T. Ripaldi

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Children will not remain in therapy unless they
like the therapist and enjoy the therapeutic
process...Children will not continue treatment if
they are bored and cannot easily express
themselves or if the therapist does not succeed
in stimulating their curiosity, motivation and
participation. Jean Piaget
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Children will not remain in therapy unless
they like the therapist and enjoy the therapeutic
process...(of talking about anger and mastery
over their thinking, feeling and doing.)
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Anger Techniques and Strategies
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Everybody complains about the weather but
nobody does anything about it. Mark Twain
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Everybody complains about anger in/with
children but nobody teaches children to do
anything about it.
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What is the Source of a Childs Anger

• Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Conduct Disorder
• ADHD
• Mood Disorder
• Psychotic Disorders
• Attachment Disorder
• Intermittent Explosive Disorder
• Antisocial Personality Disorder
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• PTSD

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What is the Source of a Childs Anger

• Phobic Behavior
• Abused or Victimized
• Adjustment Disorder
• Defense Mechanism
• Manipulation
• Protection/Self-preservation
• Avoidance of Reality
• Pain or Fatigue
• Reaction to New Experience
• Reflection of Family Values
• Cultural Values
• Fear of Failure, Plane-ole Bad Habit

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Today well learn ways to teach children to
understand more about the followingSourceAwaren
essPresenceProcessDegreePassive-aggressive
AngerModulationCycleOwnershipCompartmentalizat
ionAnger in Depression and ADHD
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The Presence and Awareness of AngerThe Four
Feelings

• Feelings Charts
• The Four Feelings
• The Feelings Window
• The fifth Feeling

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Feelings Charts
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Four Feelings

• Mad
• Sad
• Glad
• Scared
• Confused
• Joe-Harry Window

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The Feelings Window ELMO
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Feelings Technique

• Have dialogue about the difference between
• Feelings
• Sensations
• Thoughts

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Unhealthy Anger

• In well-adjusted children negative attitudes
  (angry/aggressive feelings) are expressed less
  often, with less intensity, and with more focus
  and direction. In disturbed children negative
  attitudes are expressed frequently and strongly
  with less direction and focus
• When feelings are expressed indirectly and
  diffusely, there is little release or
  satisfaction and the feelings continue to grow
  inside the person.
• Clark Moustakas, Psychotherapy with Children

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Begin to consider the treatment of anger as a
broader brush of developing a healthier organism
through self awareness, ownership and control of
all emotions not mealy elimination of angry
(aggression) behavior.
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The Degree Modulation of AngerUncle Harvey's
Boat
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Anger Box Technique
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Passive Aggressive AngerThe five things you
cant say or youll never grow up.

• 1. I cant.
• 2. I dont know.
• 3. I guess.
• 4. I forgot.
• 5.

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The Process of Anger Anger and Its Two
cousins.Frustration and Aggression.Fustrati
on-to-Anger-to-Agression..
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The Process of Anger Anger Cycle

• What do you and I do when we get angry?
• He makes me angry. Irresponsible, justifies,
  control, distortion
• Exchange He for the The world and Anger for
  Frustration --New Words-new thoughts-new
  behaviors
• What we do in counseling is help you with
  Frustration and to Solve Problems
• Life makes me Think (Thats what we say)
• Do you want to be the BOSS of your anger?

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The Cycle of Anger
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Anger Cycles 12 Full-Page
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The Ownership of Anger Stamps

• Even When
• It OK
• I am the Boss
• Good Face

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Even though I am angry StampAnotherclipboard
moment
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On doing teens

• Visual
• Verbal
• Vested

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Teen Anger

• Parents/teen see who firstindividual/group,
  confidentially, survival skills, parent support
  TX/group
• A ball in motion..
• A man convinced.
• 4077
• Who invited you here?

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Teen Anger

• Three things on that first visit
• 1) What is the reason you are here?
• 2) Do you need to fix it?
• 3) Do you want my help?
• Refrigerator Sticker The three threes
• Age Appropriate Anger
• Trump game Yard sale kid

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Refrigerator Stickers
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If I dont control my life someone else will and
I wont like it

• If I dont control my life...
• Thinking, feeling behaving
• Someone else will
• Home, school friends
• And I wont like it
• Past, present future

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Presentation of the Gift
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Age Appropriate Anger
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Trump Game and the yard sale story
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More Teen Stuff

• Studs are 16 inches apart Elmo
• The three Fs of ten-age life
• Resistance kids and alcoholics
• Anger and Soda Bottle
• Anger and Rheostat

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More Teen Stuff

• Mom and Dad on a mission
• Next most logical step
• Separate counseling from seeing you
• Circles of responsibility
• Controlling anger/aggressionlogic
• boxers baseball

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Colombo and Teens

• What your parents say may or may not
• There may not be a problem??...something..
• Fix it or it will keep happening
• Parents are being the boss of you.
• Parents woke up this morning

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Yet more teen stuff..

• Six things we cant undo.
• Death
• Addiction
• Educational Failure
• Serious Criminal Entanglement
• Pregnancy
• Tattoos

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More Teen Stuff

• I get kids out of counseling.
• Make me your last counselor
• CBT tornado
• OUR GOAL IS TO GET THEM THINKING DIFFERENTLY!
• Teach Control, Balance, Empathy
• Drawing of others school, police, atty

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More Teen Stuff

• Grades/brains
• Read hearts
• Little brother/sister doing you a favor.

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ADHD

• 1-2-3 Trick
• Spy Trick
• One-in three Rule

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Specialized/Difficult Populations

• ODD My way first, direction, compliance,
  trust/patience
• ADHD Impulse control, sequence, slow down, stay
  on task, responsibility
• Abused PTSD, Get withget it outget on with,
  Aint it awful
• Aspergers Sequencing, empathy, first/second
  thought

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ADHD/ Impulse (Frustration) Control

• ADHD EXERCIZES
• Establish main threeproblem/fix/help
• Be quiet or hold-a-thought for 5minten
  min..fifteen minhourthree hourday
• Paint dry/touch
• Sit quietly and think.home , nature, etc.
• When you get the urge to speak take three long
  breaths of airThink

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• Hold a thought
• Write down or draw thoughts instead of saying
  them
• Watch another ADD child for a day
• Candy on table
• Remember key word so you dont have to interrupt
  
• Wait ___seconds____seconds______seconds to speak,
  minutes____etc.

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• Wrist watch
• Time how long things take
• Have more than you show, say less than you
  know. A. Lincoln
• Watch water boil
• Listen to instructions without interrupting or
  asking question until the end
• Find a quiet place in nature and sit for longer
  and longer periods

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• Save-a-thought
• Three trick to the basement
• Sit and be aware of fidgeting
• Think a funny thing but dont say it
• Teach relaxation techniques
• Wait ___seconds____seconds______seconds to speak,
  minutes____etc.
• Order something through the mail

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Techniques and Strategies to Help Children
Rethink Their Anger
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Thinking Quotes
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Rational Thinking Throughout the Ages (Back of
Book)

• Men are not disturbed by things, but by the
  views they take of them. Epictetus
• There is nothing either good or bad but thinking
  makes it so. Shakespeare
• As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
  Proverbs 237

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• I saw all things I feared. What feared me had
  nothing good or bad in them save in so far as my
  mind was affected by them. Spinoza
• We become what we think about
• all day long. Ralph Waldo Emerson
• People are about as happy as they make up their
  mind to be. A. Lincoln
• If you think you can, you are right. If you
  think you cant you are right. Eleanor Roosevelt

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If you think you can, you are right. If you
think you cant you are right. Eleanor
Roosevelt
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If you think you are angry you are rightIf you
think you are not angry you are right
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If you can think about things you can talk about
them, if you can talk about them you can manage
them.

• Mr. Rogers

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The Thinking, Feelingand Doing Connection

• Teaching children CBT

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Getting Kids to Think

• Would you like to be the boss of your life?
• Let me show you how your TFB is connected
• State the Issue, draw the kid, draw the world
• Color, divide label the childs world HSF
• Establish issues in all three areas
• Establish route of distortion FBC (childs
  distortion)
• Be the boss of the consequences? /life?
• Change just one step Think
• Establish new route, TFBC. Emphasize consequences
• Contrast, compare and stress choice of routes

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The Thinking, Feelingand Action Connection How
to make it
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The Thinking, Feelingand Action Connection
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Anger Groups
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Ownership of Anger
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Becoming Aware of Anger through
SequencingAwareness The first step toward
ownership.Sequencing is becoming aware by
seeing the development of life frustrations that
precede anger and possible aggression.
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Eight-fold Sequencing
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Lunch
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Techniques and Strategies to Help Children
Identify and Cope with Feelings
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Problem Solving Reducing Frustration
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Problem Solving (chapter eleven)

• Step-by-Step Sequence, natural order, beginning
• Secrets Yo-yos, jump shots , making friends,
  re-learn
• Tools Identify feelings, talk to parents, social
  habits
• Practice sports, friends, video games, math

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Letting go of and becoming the Boss of Anger
through Compartmentalization BRAIN DRAIN

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Anger and Depression and Suicide.

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Depression and its cousins drawing
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Know the Cousins

• Hopelessness Procession drawing
• Anger Anger Cycle
• Self-Esteem Earn, Learn Accept
• Procrastination ASSERTIVENESS Eleanor
  Roosevelt
• Stress There are lots of things to worry about
  but few things to get upset about
• Guilt 3-5 second rule

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Depressive Anger turned inwardsuicide.

• Get with
• Get it out
• Get on with
• Cognitive Restriction/Restructure
• From Big guiltno guiltsometimes
• Only there is no other option Mr. White.
• Rueregret, remorse, rethink
• Problem Solvelife is problemanger cycle

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Regretting Suicide (guilt?)
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Children will not remain in therapy unless they
like the therapist and enjoy the therapeutic
process...Children will not continue treatment if
they are bored and cannot easily express
themselves or if the therapist does not succeed
in stimulating their curiosity, motivation and
participation. Jean Piaget
89
Two Roads..

• May the clay be with you.