Preparation for Islamic Marriage: Essential advice, Session 2

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Preparation for Islamic Marriage Essential
advice, Session 2

• Academy for Learning Islam
• May 17 24, 2009

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Quranic passage 1690 -91

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• 1690 Indeed God enjoins justice and kindness and
  generosity towards relatives, and He forbids
  indecency, wrong, and aggression. He advises you,
  so that you may take admonition.
• 1691 Fulfill Gods covenant when you pledge, and
  do not break your oaths after pledging them
  solemnly and having made God a witness over
  yourselves. Indeed God knows what you do.

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Todays Agenda

• Aims of an Islamic Marriage
• Rights of parents after marriage
• Relation with other family members
• Rights of your spouse
• Do and donts of a healthy married life

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Aim 1 of Marriage Source of love and
companionship

• All human need to feel loved, connected
• Living alone is miserable prospect.
• Someone to share joy, sorrows, etc
• Spouse is the best person to share
• And from among His signs is that He created mates
  for you from among yourselves, that you may find
  rest in them, and He placed between you mawaddah
  and rahmah. Most surely there are signs in this
  for those who reflect. (3021)

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Aim 2 Fulfilling desires legally

• Instinct of physical desire in the human being
  placed by Allah
• If not fulfilled -gt great corruption
• Help preserve religion morals
• HP (s) Whoever wishes to meet Allah pure and
  purified, must marry.
• HP (s) O Young people! Whoever is able from
  among you should marry, as it prevents the sins
  of the eyes and the chest, and whoever cannot
  marry should fast, for the fast decreases desire.

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Aim 3 Best support in obeying Allah

• May Allah have mercy on the man who wakes up for
  Salatul Layl and wakes up his wife for it, and if
  she refuses to wake up, splashes water on her
  face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who
  wakes up for Salatul Layl and recites it, and
  wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, splashes
  water on his face.

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Aim 4 Establishing a family

• Children greatest fruit of marriage
• Procreation of servants of Allah
• Great success virtuous children
• 1. Marry, and increase (your numbers), for surely
  I will take pride in you over the other nations
  on the Day of Judgment, even over a child who was
  miscarried.
• 2. What prevents a man from marrying? Perhaps
  Allah will grant him a child who will fill the
  earth with the words of La ilaha illallah.

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Aim 5 Maturing of personality

• Ayatullah Mutahhari After marriage, the
  personality of a man changes into a social
  personality and he considers himself absolutely
  responsible for the security of his wife and
  children's future. On this account he uses the
  sum total of his senses, initiatives, and
  abilities. . . Marriage is the first and
  preliminary phase of exit from the (shell) of
  personal self, and the expansion of the human
  personality . . . there is a maturity, a
  maturity which does not take shape except in the
  shade of marriage and raising of family. It does
  not get shape in school neither does it get
  formed in the crusade against the ego

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Rights of parents after marriage

• Parents can never disown children, and the vice
  versa is also true
• Take their advices in good spirit
• Do ihsaan to your parents always
• Their pleasure is Gods pleasure
• Avoid hurting their feelings
• Imam Alis advice to al-Hasan

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Relations with other family members

• Never severe relations w/relatives
• Those who join what Allah has commanded to be
  joined, and who fear their Lord, and fear the
  evil punishment.. . (1321)
• Keeping good relations with one's relatives and
  doing good eases the Hisab and protects against
  sins (6th Imam)
• Do good to your brothers, even if only though
  Salaam and its answer (6th Imam)

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What if they annoy you?

• A man came to the Holy Prophet (s) and
  complained, O Messenger of Allah, I have
  relatives with whom I kept good relations but
  they continuously annoy me, and I have decided to
  reject them. The Holy Prophet said to him, Then
  Allah will reject all of you". "What should I do
  then?" asked the man. The Prophet explained to
  him, "Give to him who denies you, join your
  relations with him who cuts you off, and forgive
  him who oppresses you. Then if you do that,
  Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, will be your
  supporter against them.

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Rights of your spouse

• Reciprocal rights a salient feature
• Treat him/her as human, Muslim, Mumin, partner
  parent of yr child
• Wife protection, reasonable respectable
  maintenance good treatment
• Husband obedience, protection, congenial right

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Do and donts of a healthy married life

• Good communication skill
• Be eager to serve each other
• Physical relation should not suffer
• Practice taqwaa in all situations
• Mutual respect, esp in front of others
• Anger management must in marital relation
• Mutual pardoning forgiveness

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Spice your marriage thru Akhlaq

• 1. Cheerfulness is a cause of love.
• 2. Humans are the slaves of those who do good to
  them.
• 3. By doing good to others, a human being becomes
  the master of their hearts.
• 4. A cheerful face is a gift without any expense.
• 5. I am surprised at one who buys slaves with his
  wealth and frees them. Why does he not purchase
  free men with goodness and make them his slaves?
• 6. That tree which is soft and tender, its
  branches are many.
• 7. Gentleness brings affection and closeness.