Title: 'Engaging with the maternal: tentative mothering acts, props and discourses
1'Engaging with the maternal tentative mothering
acts, props and discourses
- Tina Miller, School of Social Sciences and Law.
Oxford Brookes University. - tamiller_at_brookes.ac.uk
2Introduction to research presentation overview
- Research approach
- exploring periods of significant personal
transitions and qualitative longitudinal research
- Making sense and narrative construction
- Discourses, selves and doing mothering
- Weaving together threads of nature and
nurture - The good mother discourse and presentation of
competent self - Tentative accounts
- Antenatal preparation preparing appropriately
- Men, involvement, consumption and fathering
acts - buying and building baby things consumption
and acts of involvement - Tentative acts?
- Birth and early mothering performances and
public/private spaces - Unconvincing mothering acts? - props, risks and
baffled selves - Early fathering acts
3Two UK studies Transition to first-time
motherhood
- Qualitative longitudinal study 3 interviews (1x
a/n and 2x p/n) and end-of-study questionnaire - Sample 17 women (average age 26years)
- Sample white, heterosexual, most
self-identified as middle-class, employed and
partnered - Data analysis focused on narrative construction
- Generated 49 interview transcripts
- Miller, T. (2005) Making sense of motherhood A
narrative approach. Cambridge Cambridge
University Press
4Transition to first-time fatherhood
- Qualitative longitudinal study same format as
motherhood study (but ongoing) - Sample 17 men (average age 30 years)
- Plus pilot study with 4 teenagers fathers
- Sample white, heterosexual, employed in
skilled/professional occupations, partnered. - Further follow-up interview at 2 years with
participants further interviews at 5 years
planned - Generated 56 interview transcripts to date
- Miller, T. (forthcoming) Making sense of
fatherhood Men constructing and practising
gender. Cambridge Cambridge University Press
5Key findings from Motherhood study
- Before the birth women anticipate that they will
naturally and instinctively know how to mother - Birth experiences were all different to what they
had expected/been led to believe - Mothering did not come naturally for most of
the women but they felt unable to talk about
these normal difficulties - Only retrospectively could the women challenge
the myths of motherhood and risk talking
about how things had really been - See Miller, T. (2007) Is this what motherhood
is all about? Weaving experiences and discourse
through transition to first-time motherhood.
Gender Society. 21 337-358
6Key findings from Fatherhood study
- Before the birth men positioned themselves as
willing learners - They emphasised being there as an important
feature of involved fatherhood different to the
fathering they had experienced - They expressed a desire to share caring for their
child in emotional and not (just) economic ways - During the year after the birth men spoke of
the hard work of caring, of needing to fit
fathering in and eventually of the importance of
their economic breadwinner role and their
worker identity
7Discourses, selves and motherhood
- In the discourses that shape reproduction and
motherhood, associations with truth and science
powerfully reinforce their dominance and
potential totalising effect (Cosslett 1994, 6).
- In anticipating first-time motherhood
expectations are unlikely to be informed by
personal, subjective experiences of mothering
and so tenuous selves - The taken-for-granted and natural base on which
such discourse are premised have been challenged
and the layers upon layers of socially
constructed elaboration and reinforcement of this
natural base exposed (Hays 1996, 13 Bobel
2002).
8Tentative accounts in uncharted territory
- Women construct and present anticipatory and
tentative accounts which demonstrate
appropriate preparation - This involves drawing on discourses which
emphasise appropriate preparation - Attendance at antenatal clinics/ preparation
classes - Engaging with /accepting expert advice
- Being healthy (diet, exercise)
- Consumption of information (expert knowledge,
books, magazines and the internet) - Purchasing of baby goods
9Preparing appropriately consuming expert
information
- I dont like getting information from other
people because its always so subjective and they
always want to harp on about their little story
and so I have actually avoided other
people.those are the most unhelpful, personal
experiences that Ive steered away from. But I
think the books, and the midwives and my doctor,
my doctors been good (Rebecca) - Well, a lot of the friends that have had babies
say that they dont like to say too much because
they could say the wrong thing (Faye) - Im going for the breast first to see how I get
on. I did actually say to the midwife that I
wanted to do both, I wanted the bottle and but
she said you cant actually do that(but) it has
been good. They just tell you everything (Wendy)
10Anticipation and preparation
- Preparing, purchasing and (appropriate) timing
- I went out and bought (pregnancy book) after 12
weeks once you know sort of the danger periods
that you hear about were overwe didnt do
anything until after 12 weeks, we didnt tell
anybody until after 12 weeks, weve only just
bought baby clothes (38 weeks pregnant). People
said you must have everything by now - no!
(Felicity) - Preparation and nesting coinciding with
maternity leave - the sort of nesting thing (has) definitely
taken over (Helen) but nesting more often
used by men to describe aspects of partners
pregnancy preparation
11Men preparing appropriately for fatherhood
- In the antenatal period mens tentative forays
into the paternal/parental arena are often
facilitated/mediated by their wife/partner, - What information is accessed/ what is read and
when - Which classes are attended and by whom
- What is purchased in preparation for the baby
- But gendered modes of consumption and activity
- Men centrally involved in physical/structural
aspects of preparing e.g. painting, building and
buying the big stuff - Physical, hands-on involvement as a demonstrable
way in (an activity) for men
anticipating/preparing appropriately for
fatherhood - These differences reinforce assumptions around
biological determinism, gendered practices and
the role of consumption in acts of appropriate
preparation
12Preparing the house
- weve had to prepare the house and erect prams
and cots and things and I guess financially weve
directed money to this rather than other
thingsThats definitely been (wifes) lead
really and shes decided, well I supposed Ive
had a hand in the big stuff like which pram will
we go for, what does a cot look like and stuff
and that was by virtue of a fact of 2 trips to
John Lewis so I havent really invested a lot of
kind of effort in to it or knowledge really. I
think (wife) has done all the talking to other
people whove had kids, shes found out whats
required, what the list of newborn stuff is that
we need and I havent really got involved in
that.I could have made up a list which would
have been so not comprehensive. It would have
been such a partial list you know, obvious stuff
like a pram and a cot I would have got but
muslin cloths would have passed me by. How do I
know about muslin cloths? (M.M)
13Men preparing appropriately
- I suppose (wife) brought books. She has been
reading books all the way through and you know
look that is what it looks like, look at the
pictures sort of thing and .when we went to the
ante-natal classes I didnt feel huge sort of
drive to read books .but I just thought it was
really interesting (Resp 5) - I suppose Ive been trying to prepare the house.
Weve been buying and building baby things
trying to get rid of our junk, weve got a lot of
it and weve only got a little house so just
going through those sorts of things (Resp 14) - But over the last few months weve been buying
bits and pieces and Ive got a cot that I sort of
lived in so to speak and Ive just sanded it down
and painted it and that kind of thing and you
sort of sit there thinking, blimey this is for
our future (Resp 3)
14Men demonstrating involvement
- We have not bought much because we have got a
lot of older brother and sisters who have kids
already so that is great so we have sort of
inherited a lot and we dont like sort of ..
consumption anyway but the things we have bought.
Actually there was an example where I wanted to
become more involved .. just buying a mattress
and sheets for a cot which we ended up buying
early because we were having somebody visiting
with a baby so it was just an interesting
exercise how we go about things and I think
(wife) was quite surprised that I wanted to get
involved in that decision. She probably thought
that was just something I would do quickly and we
ended up having a discussion about it sort of in
the shop and I think she was a bit taken back
that I was interested (Resp 4)
15buying things
- It probably took a couple of months to really
sink inI was thrilled because Id wanted kids
for ages and I was desperate to start planning
and telling people and buying things. Yes. The
cot arrived today and Ive just put the cot up in
the nursery and now the nursery has got
everything whereas up to yesterday it was a room
with lots of stuff in it, its now got everything
in it. Yeah it could be any time (Resp 7)
16Men not the ones doing the research
- But I think most men are just literally the ones
who carry the shopping to the car you know they
go out to buy the buggy but are generally not the
ones doing the research (Resp 11) - I think its since weve started getting the
nursery ready that Ive felt as if I can sort of
contribute a lot more as well, go out and get
things and build things like the cot and put all
that sort of thing together. So yeah definitely
through that respect Im very involved (Resp 9).
17Tentative acts of early mothering risks and props
- Birth - in all cases is different to what had
been expected / led to believe - Birth provides a narrative turning point from
anticipation to lived reality (Miller, 2005) - Leaving the house described as akin to a
military operation in the early weeks involving
taking all day to pack the baby bag but also
experienced as potentially risky - Giving a convincing performance was associated
with having the right equipment and appropriate
mother props baby, pram, baby bag, baby
bottle as well as knowing how to do mothering.
But the props might not be enough.
18they hate shopping
- So I didnt go out very much which made it
hardI dont think I went out, literally set foot
outside the door for 3 or 4 weeks or something
which is quiteit was a long time, and that was
too long actually, because I didntbut I just
felt I didnt feel very confident taking her out
because I just thought she was going to cry the
whole time and I felt a bit sort of self
conscious about it..I mean even now I feel, if I
take her out shopping and she started
crying.this woman in a shopping queue said to me
they hate shopping, and theyre so sort of
accusing and I felt like saying well, I have to
eat.. (Philippa) - but it has taken 8 weeks to be confident to walk
along with a pram with a screaming child
(Abigail) - I know Im a motherbut I dont quite feel like
a mother yetI went to the shop once and she
screamed the whole way round, then I did feel
like a mother because all these old ladies were
there and they were going that baby shouldnt be
out, its too hot for that baby to be out I
could hear them rabbitting on behind me. So then
I did feel very much like a mothera dreadful
mother (Gillian)
19Ive got one of those baby bags like youre
supposed to (Felicity)
- We had to go to the doctors and both of us went,
Robert and I went with the baby and then I got a
prescription. Robert went to get the
prescription. I said Ill come home because the
estimators were coming for the removals. And Id
doneyou know Id got one of the changing bags
like youre supposed to, taken a bottle of milk
with us in case he got horrible, and he had in
the doctors, and Robert had started to feed him
and then wed left and he was quite happy. But I
was coming home and he started to get hungry
again and Robert had the bottle in his pocket and
had gone off to the shop to get the prescription,
so I had this screaming child in the middle of
townit was hot.and I felt like shit and I
couldnt walk very fast, and I had to virtually
run from the middle of town to hereand you could
hear everyone was (saying) poor child, whats
that woman doing with that child. And I thought,
I was convinced somebody was going to like stop
me and say youve pinched that child, thats
not your child, you arent a mother, you dont
look like you can cope with him, this baby, you
should be doing something to stop it crying
20New fathers going out with baby
- Because men have not been so closely associated
with hands-on caring going out with the new baby
does not present the same risks - Men are positioned as unpractised and not
expected to display natural instincts
(almost) any performance is positively received
21Men taking baby out
- Yeah just being a whole part ofchanging the
nappies, dressing and putting her into her buggy
and taking her round the block a couple of times
or whatever and then when you get all the friends
and family and villagers (saying) oh lets have a
look and stuff like that and it just kind of
makes you stand up straight and think
yeahthats my daughter (Resp 3) - took them (twin sons) out in the pram one time
and a woman walked past and looked and looked
again oh twins and will suddenly talk to you.
So its like one baby, thats interesting but
two, wow! now thats a talking point (Resp 15)
22Concluding comments
- Preparing appropriately is highly gendered and
experienced in the context of different
discourses and moral frameworks - Acquiring goods for the baby is one of the ways
in which appropriate preparation can be
demonstrated (the right way). This is a
dominant theme in mens accounts of preparation
and involvement - Yet in the early weeks following the birth the
acquired props can help to present a veneer of
appropriate mothering but (for women)
subjective experiences often feel very different - Forays into public spheres with the new baby is
experienced in very different ways by new mothers
and new fathers one is expected to
instinctively know how to mother, whilst any
public display of involvement by new fathers is
applauded - Note These findings are explored further and
theorised in the forthcoming text Miller, T.
(2010) Making sense of fatherhood Men
constructing and practising gender. Cambridge
Cambridge University Press.
23Sources
- Bobel, Chris. (2002). The paradox of natural
mothering. Philadelphia Temple University Press. - Cosslett, Tess. (1994). Women and writing
childbirth. Manchester, UK Manchester University
Press. - Doucet, A. (2006). Do Men Mother? Fathering, Care
and Domestic Responsibility Toronto University
of Toronto Press - Hays, Sharon. (1996). The cultural contradictions
of motherhood. New Haven, CTYale University
Press. - Hearn, J and Pringle, K (2006). European
Perspectives on Men and Masculinities National
and Transnational Approaches Basingstoke
Palgrave Macmillan. - Hobson, B. (2002). Making Men into Fathers Men,
Masculinities and the Social Politics of
Fatherhood. Cambridge Cambridge University Press - Miller, T. (2005). Making sense of motherhood A
narrative approach. Cambridge Cambridge
University Press - Miller, T. (2007). Is this what motherhood is
all about? Weaving experiences and discourse
through transition to first-time motherhood.
Gender Society. 21 337-358 - Miller, T. (forthcoming) Making sense of
fatherhood Men constructing and practising
gender. Cambridge Cambridge University Press