Choice Theory The New Reality Therapy

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Choice Theory The New Reality Therapy
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The Central Idea

• All we do is behave, and
• almost all behavior is chosen

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Five Basic Needs

• survival
• love and belonging
• power
• freedom
• fun

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Central Need

• In practice, the most important need is love and
  belonging as closeness and connectedness with the
  people we care about is the requisite for
  satisfying all of the needs.
• Disconnectedness is the source of almost all
  human problems
• Disconnectedness comes from trying to control
  OTHERS

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External Control PsychologyThe ways we try to
control others

• Seven Deadly Habits
• CriticizingBlamingComplainingNaggingThreaten
  ingPunishingBribing or rewarding to control

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Key Axioms of Choice Theory

• The only person whose behavior we can control is
  our own.
• All we can give another person is information.
• All long-lasting psychological problems are
  relationship problems.
• The problem relationship is always part of our
  present life.
• What happened in the past has everything to do
  with what we are today, but we can only satisfy
  our basic needs right now and plan to continue
  satisfying them in the future.

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Axioms Continued

• We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the
  pictures in our Quality World.
• All we do is behave.
• All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of
  four components acting, thinking, feeling and
  physiology.
• All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have
  direct control over the acting and thinking
  components. We can only control our feeling and
  physiology indirectly through how we choose to
  act and think.
• All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and
  named by the part that is the most recognizable.

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Seven Caring Habits

• SupportingEncouragingListeningAcceptingTrust
  ingRespectingNegotiating differences

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Reality Therapy

• Focus on the present and avoids discussing the
  past because all human problems are caused by
  unsatisfying present relationships.
• Avoids discussing symptoms and complaints as much
  as possible since these are the ways that
  counselees choose to deal with unsatisfying
  relationships.
• Understand the concept of total behavior, which
  means focus on what counselees can do directly
  act and think.

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• Avoid criticizing, blaming and/or complaining and
  help counselees to do the same. By doing this,
  they learn to avoid these extremely harmful
  external control behaviors that destroy
  relationships.
• Remain non-judgmental and non-coercive, but
  encourage people to judge all they are doing by
  the Choice Theory axiom
• Is what I am doing getting me closer to the
  people I need?

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• If the choice of behaviors is not getting people
  closer, then the counselor works to help them
  find new behaviors that lead to a better
  connection.
• Teach counselees that legitimate or not, excuses
  stand directly in the way of their making needed
  connections.
• Focus on specifics. Find out as soon as possible
  who counselees are disconnected from and work to
  help them choose reconnecting behaviors.

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• If they are completely disconnected, focus on
  helping them find a new connection. Help them
  make specific, workable plans to reconnect with
  the people they need, and then follow through on
  what was planned by helping them evaluate their
  progress.
• Based on their experience, counselors may suggest
  plans, but should not give the message that there
  is only one plan.

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• A plan is always open to revision or rejection by
  the counselee.
• Be patient and supportive but keep focusing on
  the source of the problem disconnectedness.
• Counselees who have been disconnected for a long
  time will find it difficult to reconnect. They
  are often so involved in the symptom they are
  choosing that they have lost sight of the fact
  that they need to reconnect.