Tarzan: Variable of the Jungle

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Tarzan Variable of the Jungle

• A Story of Scope

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• In the land of Variables are many countries,
• And many states and many towns.
• Although the variables are very happy there,
• They live under very strict rules.

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• The land of variables offers no immigration.
• Variables may send messages to one another, but
  the land they are born in is the land in which
  they die.

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• Those variables born in Conditional County must
  stay in Conditional County.
• Those variables born in Loop Land, must stay in
  Loop Land.
• Those born in Methodpotamia must stay in
  Methodpotamia.

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• The government of the land of Variables keeps
  track of every citizen.
• Only one citizen in each land can have any name
  so that there is no question who is who.

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• There can be only one Debbie,
• Only one Sam,
• Only one Sondra,
• Only one Billy-Joe-Bob in each
• variable land.

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• One day, Ms. XY and Mr. XX decided to run away.
  They loved Variable land, but were so tired of
  seeing the same old scenery.
• So they decided to visit the jungle outside of
  their country.

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• The jungle was off-limits, as it was not part of
  any country in the land of Variables.
• But since it was off limits, Mr. XX and Ms. XY
  knew they could go there undiscovered.

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• One day while staying in the jungle, Ms. XY
  discovered she was pregnant.
• And since variables are only pregnant for 2
  seconds before they give birth, she had a little
  baby variable right then and there.

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• XX and XY were distraught. They could not take
  their baby into the repressive variable society.
• They knew this baby was not a citizen of any
  variable land and therefore would not be welcome
  in any country.

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• After much deliberation, they decided to leave
  the baby in the jungle with the wolf family.
• XX and XY left to return to their homeland.

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• Sure enough, the wolves adopted the little
  variable baby as one of their own.
• They raised him in the jungle and called him
  Grrrrwl. Which is wolf for Tarzan.

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• Eventually Tarzan grew to be a man, and
  discovered that he was unlike any of the other
  wolves.
• He began to wonder who he really was and who his
  parents could be. He decided to leave the
  jungle.

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• Tarzan traveled to the land of variables and saw
  many others that looked like him!
• He was sure that this was where he truly
  belonged.

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• Unfortunately, the government heard of the
  strange variable with wolf-like tendencies that
  was wandering around.
• They told him non-citizens were not allowed!
• He must leave!

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• Tarzan traveled through Methodpotamia, but was
  told, You are not recognized here!
• Tarzan traveled through Loop Land, but was told,
  You are not recognized here!
• Tarzan traveled through Conditional County, but
  was told, You are not recognized here!

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• Mr. XX and Ms. XY heard about the wolf-variable
  looking for a home. They knew it was their
  little jungle baby.
• They went to him and told him that they were his
  parents.

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• Tarzan was full of many emotions he had never
  before felt.
• He loved his parents but was angry with them for
  leaving him.
• XX and XY decided that they would make it up to
  him.

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• XX and XY traveled to the capital of all of
  Variable land.
• They spoke to congress about who Tarzan really
  was and how he became known as the variable with
  no homeland.

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• They pleaded on his behalf to let Tarzan live
  with his people, the variables, in peace.
• The congress was moved by the impassioned plea of
  the variables.

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• They decreed that Tarzan, variable of the jungle,
  would henceforth be citizen of all of Variable
  land.
• He was allowed access to travel as he wanted and
  was never rejected again.

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• So today, the rules of Variable land still apply.
  
• There still is only one Debbie, one Sam, and one
  Billy-Joe-Bob in every country.
• There are still strict no-immigration rules for
  the variable citizens.

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• But Tarzan is free to roam as he will among the
  nations.
• And other variables, in the height of passion,
  can be seen sneaking off to the jungle.