A Ground Hog Named Jonny

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A Ground Hog Named Jonny
And His Adventures In Iraq
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Hi! I am a Ground Hog named Jonny and this is my
story about my tour in Iraq
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I live in a spiffy trailer here in Baghdad at a
place called Camp Victory. The concrete walls and
dirt-filled wire baskets help keep me from
getting wacked by the bad guys
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My room is small, but comfortable. Kind of.
Believe it or not, I cleaned it up for the
picture! I wont show you my room mates side, it
is a lot dirtier.
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This is my coffee cup, coffee maker and clock.
The time is all jacked up on it because the power
keeps going out.
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This is where I take a shower. It is amazing how
many guys you can get in here at 0630 in the
morning not my idea of fun
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This is where I shave and brush my teeth. For
whatever reason all my friends did not want their
picture taken with me.
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This is the nice Phillipino lady that helps me
with my laundry. She thought this was a silly
picture, to put it mildly.
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This is a Bat House for bats that eat the pesky
bugs around here. I wonder if there are bats
that could eat the pesky insurgents, too.
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This is a port-a-potty. Good golly, these things
can get to 140 degrees in the summer. When it is
that hot I use them only out of desperation.
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This is the way I walk to work. My job is in one
of Saddams former palaces you can see it in the
background. Saddam is not at all happy about this
arrangement. . .
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Way in the distance is a old guard tower that has
lots of bullet holes in it from the invasion.
Note to self dont be up in a concrete tower
when the Americans roll into the area with guns.
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This is the bomb shelter for the mess hall. It
would get pretty crowded if everybody had to
climb in there all at once!!!
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I would take you inside, but I guess the bosses
dont want pictures taken of the food, For good
reason.
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This is the Al Faw Palace. It is surrounded by a
man-made lake. It is filled with water from the
Tigris River, and there is NO WAY I am swimming
in it.
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These fish are called Saddam carp. They are
circling around hoping I fall in so that they can
eat me. . . (Please get me out of here!)
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This is the entrance to the palace. A lot more
Americans have been in here than Iraqis, and its
their building!!!
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Saddam sure liked marble. Want to know a little
secret? A lot of it is fake, to include the
staircase.
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The palaces here in Iraq are big and ornate. This
light fixture has over 250 lights in it and is
strung with tens of thousands of (plastic)
crystals!
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I have to admit, one of the benefits of the job
is porcelain and privacy, both of which are rare
commodities here.
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This is my office. I have three computers, a
chair, and a big bottle of Advil. Guess which is
most important to me?
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I hope you have enjoyed the tour. Please remember
to send more cookies, especially oatmeal raisin,
and remember my birthday, February 2nd. Take
care!!!
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Hi Again!!! Its me, Jonny the Ground Hog on a
walkabout around the Al Faw Palace grounds. The
Palace was built on the western side of Baghdad
right by the International Airport. It is a
handsome building with beautiful grounds. It used
to look a lot nicer before the war, but thats
what happens when you dont cooperate with the
United Nations. Let me show you the interesting
sights on this nice afternoon.
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This is the throne that Saddam Hussein used to
sit on when he was President of Iraq. Right now,
it is used by a bunch of Soldiers for corny
pictures!
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All the windows have sandbags around them like
this to keep the rockets and mortars from doing
too much damage. A well placed rocket is going to
wreck our day regardless of how many sand bags we
have stacked up!
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Here is yet another reason why it is not a good
idea to make America mad. A JDAM here, a MOAB
there, and the next thing you know, you have a
reconstruction project on your hands.
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I am sitting on top of an up-armored HMMWV with a
50 CAL equalizer. This delightful weapon will
reach out and touch someone, but probably not in
the way that the bad guys might appreciate.
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This is what the HMMWV looks like from the front.
The guys that drive this truck into battle have
no sense of humor when bad guys shoot at them.
Hey Bad guys!!! Look at the Hummer, smile, and
wait for the FLASH!!! BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!
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Saddam could have lived here on easy street at Al
Faw Palace, but he thought it was a good idea to
invade Kuwait. Well, that decision falls into the
category referred to as a strategic error.
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These are Saddam ducks. They walk around the
palace grounds being fed by the troops. The geese
also get a little cranky and have been known to
chase people. (Why am I sitting here???)
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Danger is an understatement when these guys drive
around. It is always a good idea to mind your own
business, keep your eyes down, and make sure that
AK-47 doesnt accidentally slip out from under
your coat, or your day might take a turn for the
worse!
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The palm trees behind me will grow to be very
tall. Too bad for Saddam, if he behaved himself
he could have seen these trees get big. All he
will see now when he looks around will be roots!!!
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This is a date palm tree that still has dates on
it. Palm trees like this were planted all around
the area for the Baathist Party members to enjoy
their fruits. Right now, only birds eat these
dates.
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I hope you enjoyed my tour. It was nice showing
you around the palace grounds and spending the
afternoon with you. Normally I have to work
really hard doing my ground hog duties, but today
I had a few minutes to run around and play.
Take care and remember always abide by UN
Sanctions and everything Mom says. War is one
thing, but the wrath of Mom can hurt as bad as a
bullet in the butt!!!