Expressing Your Feelings and Exploring Alternatives

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Expressing Your Feelings and Exploring
Alternatives

• 7th Grade Parent Coffee Hour 2
• Presented by Wall Intermediate School Guidance
  Department

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Snapshot of 7th Grade Coffee Hour Part 1

• How you speak to your friends
• Talking v. Listening
• If you own the problem you talk
• If your child owns the problem you listen
• Reflective Listening helps children clarify their
  feelings and consider a problem more rationally,
  while opening the door to further communication.
• Effective communication is built on mutual
  respect.
• Open responses facilitate conversation while
  closed responses hinder it.

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Open v. Closed Responses

• 1. a. Are you still having trouble with your
  Social Studies report?
• b. How is the Social Studies report going?
• 2. a. What does your teacher do that bothers
  you?
• b. Why cant you get along with your teacher?

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How We Talk to Our Children Can Make a Difference

• Ive told you five times to clean up the
  basement! Honestly, youre so lazy!
• When I have to ask so many times to clean the
  basement, I feel really frustrated because it
  seems what I want doesnt count.

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You-Messages v. I-Messages

• You-Messages
• - Statements that put children down they blame
  or criticize
• - These messages provoke anger, hurt,
  embarrassment and feelings of worthlessness in
  children
• I-Messages
• - Statements that share your feelings and
  concerns communicating that you trust your
  children to respect your feelings

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Formulating I-Messages

• Describe the behavior you find bothersome.
  Simply describe, dont blame!
• When I see the gas tank empty
• State your feelings about the possible
  consequences of the behavior
• I feel anxious
• State the consequences
• because I have to get gas and I might be late
  for my appointment.

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I-Messages

• When _____________________, I feel _________,
  because _________________________.
• Okay, now its your turn to practice!

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Exploring Alternatives Step 1

• Understand and Clarify the Problem
• Use reflective listening skills to help your teen
  feel understood and ask open questions.
• You may find yourself returning to this step if
  you need more information.

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Exploring Alternatives Step 2

• Explore Alternatives Through Brainstorming
• Seek as many ideas as possible being careful not
  to evaluate any individual suggestions until the
  list of possible solutions is complete.
• What can you do if your child has trouble
  brainstorming ideas?

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Exploring Alternatives Step 3

• Evaluate Proposed Alternatives
• One by one summarize each idea.
• Ask your child What do you think of this idea?

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Exploring Alternatives Step 4

• Choose a Solution
• Ask Which idea do you think will work best for
  you?. Let your child decide!!!
• RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO GIVE ADVICE!
• What if you think your childs solution will not
  work?

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Exploring Alternatives Step 5

• Obtain a Commitment and Set a Time for Evaluation
• Usually a few days or a week is long enough to
  see if the plan is working.
• When it comes time for evaluation let your child
  decide to keep the plan, modify the plan, or
  change the plan completely.

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Exploring Alternatives

• Understand and clarify the problem.
• Explore alternatives through brainstorming.
• Evaluate proposed alternatives.
• Choose a solution.
• Obtain a commitment and set a time for evaluation.

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If you always do what youve always done, you
will always get what youve always gotten.