The Hurried Child

1
The Hurried Child

• and the hurried parent

2
Are you a frantic family?

• Visit puttingfamilyfirst.org
• Check out their resources and try the quizzes
  they offer from time to time.

3

• Parenting has become a competitive sport with
  trophies going to the busiest.
• William Doherty Barbara Carlson
• Putting Family First
• We overschedule our children in order not to be
  seen as holding them back.
• David Elkind
• The Hurried Child

4
(No Transcript)
5
Children are spending too much time in the back
seat and not enough time in the back yard.
Heard on the radio
6
What does your day look like?

• List out a typical days activities by times
  started
• 715
• 730
• etc.
• HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT BE?

7
Heres what some of our previous first graders
have said about rushing
8

• I feel happy when Im not rushed!

9

• Im falling down the stairs
• I have to hurry to brush my teeth, get dressed,
  brush my hair, eat breakfast

10

• Feels like Im going faster than a motorcycle on
  the loose.

11

• Im mad! Thats the fire coming out of me.
• My dad rushes me everyday.
• Hurry up, hurry up

12

• My mother is pointing her finger at me and
  saying, Hurry up, young lady.

13

• I feel like I have to run the track 100 times!
• It feels like youre playing tag and you cant
  stop and nobodys chasing you.

14

• When I get home from school I HAVE to go to
  soccer.

15

• Every day I have to hurry and I feel like a
  really tired dog.

16
Mom, one at a time
17

• I feel happy even when Im rushed.

18

• I feel mixed up.

19

• Im tired! Im not tired.

20

• Sometimes I have to hurry to get to bed so I can
  go to school and I dont get to see my dad.
• Rushing feels like going to military camp.
• Next child added, at one in the morning.
• When my mom tells me to hurry, it feels like
  shes treating me like a robot.

21

• I have to hurry to catch the bus.
• I have to do 17 stuffs before the bus comes.
• (there were lots of chasing bus pictures)

22
Before you feel too guilty, know that we rush
them at school, too(and our own families so that
we can get to school)

• I have to hurry to get to the library.
• I have to hurry to get my work done.
• My sister really has to rush because she has so
  much homework. She feels sad.

23

• I never get rushed.

24
Sign of the Times

• According to a national survey by the University
  of Michigans Survey Research Center, since the
  late 70s people in the United States have
  experienced a remarkable change in childrens
  schedules and family activities.

25

• Parents are working more hours Dual -working
  families and more single employed parent
  households, so there is less time available to
  children, especially in late afternoons.
• Children have lost 12 hours per week in free
  time, including a 25 drop in playing and a 50
  drop in unstructured outdoor activities.
• Time in structured sports has doubled and passive
  spectator leisure increased from 30 min. per week
  to over three hours.
• Putting Family First

26
Some negative affects

• Increase in stress diseases
• Increase in suicide rates
• Cutting is a rapidly growing phenomenon
• Children dressing as young adults
• Hurried children often have trouble with peer
  relationships. Can be bossy, demanding
  --creating authoritative rather than reciprocal
  relationships.

27

• Young children (2 -8) tend to perceive hurrying
  as rejection, that they are not cared about.
  Sometimes they notice part of the picture and see
  it as a whole.
• Sometimes encouraging is seen as pushing and
  believing that theyre not doing good enough.

28

• Children whose every moment is scheduled and
  structured because their parents want them to
  have the benefit of everything the world has to
  offer may have difficulty learning how to be
  alone, and at peace with themselves. And that
  may be the highest price we pay for
  micromanagement.
• Alvin Rosenfeld Nicole Wise
• The Over-Scheduled Child

29

• Most everyone believes that solid family bonds
  are the most important factor in a childs life.
• The problem is not what we believe but how we set
  priorities.
• Difficulty occurs when we overemphasize our role
  in supporting childrens opportunities. Often
  see ourselves as providers of goods and services
  to our children, rather than seeing children as
  contributing members of the family and community.

30
Time Priorities Pyramid

• Other
• Extra-
• Curricular
• Activities
• Values-based
• Community Activities
• Educational Activities
• Family Life

31
We Are How We Spend Our Time

• Family Time
• Being around (unhurried) time
• Logistics Talk
• Connecting Talk
• Putting Families First

32
Whos at the Table?
33
Strategies

• Personal
• Family
• Community

34
What can one person do?

• Be aware of whats happening!
• Create opportunities for being around time and
  connecting talk.
• Make time for you!

35
It Takes A Family To Make A Family

• Creating Rituals
• Repeated over time
• Organized enough that people know whats
  happening
• Have emotional significance
• Mealtimes

36
Dinner spice

• Buy plain tablecloth and permanent markers for
  special holidays/occasions. Each year thoughts
  and drawings can be added. Each person could
  have own birthday cloth.
• Everyone helps
• Call it pizza night or taco night, whatever
• Celebrate everything
• Tammys special plate
• Try eating in different place--picnic, etc
• Hide a jelly bean in the meal -- Person gets
  special privilege.

37
Rituals, cont.

• Bedtime
• Other

38
Family Strategies, cont.

• Scheduling Hang-Time
• Planning Family Get-aways
• Adding Community Connections
• What is one practical way you can think of to
  encourage play in the lives of your children,
  yourself and your family?

39
Community Strategies

• Make a mental list of everyone here tonight.
  When youre feeling out of sync, theyre your
  allies.
• Talk to other parents. Some folks will be
  relieved to find someone else who puts Family
  First and others may get interested.
• Work together to establish a Family First Night
  in District--no meetings, no practices, no games,
  no homework.
• Theres strength in numbers!

40
Bibliography

• Putting Family First, Wm. Doherty B. Carlson
• The Hurried Child, D. Elkind
• Ties That Stress, D. Elkind
• The OverScheduled Child, A. Rosenfeld N. Wise
• Take Back Your Kids, W. Doherty
• Raising Stable Kids in an Unstable World, D.
  Marks
• 7 Strategies for Developing Capable Students, H.
  Glenn
• The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, E.
  Hallowell