Becoming a Master Student

1
Chapter 10
Relationships
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The Communication Loop

• Sending

3
The Communication Loop

• Sending

Receiving
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Effective Listening-- Nonverbal listening

• Be quiet
• Maintain eye contact
• Display openness
• Listen without response
• Send acknowledgments

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Effective Listening-- Verbal Listening

• Feed back meaning
• Listen beyond words
• Take care of yourself
• Listen for requests and intentions

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Effective Sending

• The Is have it!

Example
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Effective Sending

• The Is have it!

Example
You must be crazy.
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Effective Sending

• The Is have it!

Example
You must be crazy. instead
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Effective Sending

• The Is have it!

Example
You must be crazy. instead I dont understand.
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Effective Sending

• Questions are not always questions

Example
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Effective Sending

• Questions are not always questions

Example
Doesnt it upset you?
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Effective Sending

• Questions are not always questions

Example
Doesnt it upset you? means
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Effective Sending

• Questions are not always questions

Example
Doesnt it upset you? means It upsets me.
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Effective Sending

• Notice nonverbal messages
• Notice barriers to sending your message

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Five ways to say
I
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Five ways to say
I

• Observation

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Five ways to say
I

• Observation

Feelings
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Five ways to say
I

• Observation

Feelings
Wants
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Five ways to say
I

• Observation

Feelings
Thoughts
Wants
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Five ways to say
I

• Observation

Intentions
Feelings
Thoughts
Wants
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Conflict resolution in a nutshell

• State the problem
• Understand all points
• Brainstorm solutions
• Evaluate the solutions
• Choose the solution
• Implement
• Re-evaluate

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Emotional pain is not sickness
There is nothing wrong with feeling bad . . .
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Good ways to feel bad . . .

• Give yourself permission
• Dont worry about reasons
• Set a time limit
• Tell others

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Relationships can work

• Do tell the truth
• Do support others
• Dont pry
• Dont borrow

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Relationships can work (cont.)

• Do divide chores
• Dont gripe
• Do write a letter
• Seek out alternative views

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Relationships can work (cont.)

• Ask questions
• Look for at least three answers
• Be willing to change your mind
• Dont brag

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Relationships can work (cont.)

• Do detach
• Do allow people to be upset
• Do ask for help
• Do share yourself
• Dont preach

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7 steps to effective complaints

• Go to the source
• Present the facts without blaming anyone
• Go up the ladder to people with more
  responsibility

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7 steps to effective complaints

• Ask for commitments
• Use available support
• Take legal action if necessary
• Dont give up

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Keep the loop closed . . .
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Keep the loop closed . . .
Communicate!