Science Writing for Research Part II. Editing

1
Science Writing for Research Part II. Editing

• Instructor Richard Rothenberg MD
• Office 140 Decatur St. Atlanta GA 30302-3995
• Phone [phone]
• Email rrothenberg_at_gsu.edu, rrothen_at_emory.edu

2
Macrostrucure vs. Microstructure
Words and Rules

• MACRO
• Abstract
• Introduction
• Methods
• Results
• Conclusion

• MICRO
• Paper
• Section
• Paragraph
• Sentence
• Word

3
Combinatorics
WORDS Combinations of sounds (phonemes) that
have specific meanings by common
agreement. RULES The GRAMMAR (set of rules) by
which words are combined.
4
Combinatorics
The combinations are effectively infinite. Words
and rules provide the vehicle for expressing any
idea that humans might care to have. Some
languages are similar in both words and rules
(English and Spanish). Some are vastly different
(Hungarian and Chinese). The general concept
applies to all language.
5
Combinatorics
Reading and writing are probably in a separate
domain from speech. Spoken language comes
naturally. (Its hard-wired.) Writing has to
be learned. The relationship is symbiotic words
and rules are motivated by meaning, and meaning
is only possible through words and rules.
6
Combinatorics

• Therefore, to convey meaning
• You have to know what words mean.
• You have to know the rules.

7
The Rosetta Stone
Hieroglyphics
Demotic Egyptian
Greek
8
cgctagaagcttgcatagatgagataggtagtgttcgccttgatataact
caatgttaaa caccgcggtgttgctcttagatttgtatctcgatgagcg
ccagaaaagctactacaggcc gaaatatttttatatgcgatttccttca
ccgcgccgtatggcgatcaaggtcagatgcgt
aacggagtggttctcgattatgagaatactggttctcttatctacctatc
acaatccttc acagattcgtctttgtgtctctcatggcgcgtgagtcag
tgttattaagtcaaagtgaat gtcttttggtgtccatccttgtctcagg
aactgcgcttcgttctggagtagggacctgtg
cgtaatccactccctgatctagtcccttcgcatcgagagcatccatagag
atctggaccc cttgggtactcaccccggtttcaacggggaggatatcga
gcttcaatcggtgaagatgct tccgccgtgtgcggcagtttattcttcc
tgcgaagtccttacgtcgggctcagtttttga
tagttgcactcattaatcagcctcgccaactttaggggcgcaggtcgcga
gaacatcgaa tctcgtaggccgcggcgatccggtcacacataatgaacg
gaagttgtcgatattcgatgc tcttcgatgctggtatctgactatcccg
tcattacttcatcggctgtctagaccagctgc
gtgctcgtaggcccataacgatcaaaccaaaatgaaactatactatagcg
gaggcaaaat cacatgcctccagggccggtgacacctagactcggccag
ggtaattatcctgacgcaatg acacttatagtcggaaccctgaaagcgg
aaatcgcaccaaagtcaggactggctctgtaa
acgagtcaggtcccgaaccaagcccgactttcgtccctggtgtagattgt
tcacgtcttc tgctcctcataaggtgcaaaattgcacagcagtcctgag
t
9
Complete DNA sequence of canine adenovirus type 1
(schematic)
J Gen Virology 199778873-878
10
First major rule of grammar.

• A sentence has a subject and a verb
• Subject the main thing
• Verb what happens

11
My concern has been the atrocities there in
Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as
we spoke about Africa and some of the countries
there that were kind of the people succumbing to
the dictators and the corruption of some
collapsed governments on the continent, the
relevance was Alaskas investment in Darfur with
some of our permanent fund dollars.
62 words
12
My concern has been the atrocities there in
Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as
we spoke about Africa and some of the countries
there that were kind of the people succumbing to
the dictators and the corruption of some
collapsed governments on the continent, the
relevance was Alaskas investment in Darfur with
some of our permanent fund dollars.
13
My concern has been the atrocities there in
Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as
we spoke about Africa and some of the countries
there that were kind of the people succumbing to
the dictators and the corruption of some
collapsed governments on the continent, the
relevance was Alaskas investment in Darfur with
some of our permanent fund dollars.
The atrocities in Darfur, a manifestation of
corrupt dictatorships and collapsed governments
in Africa, affect Alaskas permanent fund
investments.
14
Exercise
A Jedi craves not these things. Nothing more will
I teach you today.
--SW 5
The Moving Finger writes and, having writ, Moves
on nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back
to cancel half a Line, Nor all your Tears wash
out a Word of it
Fitzgerald, The Rubiayat
15
Exercise
I was like yeah and she was like no way.
16
Exercise
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the
security of a free State, the right of the people
to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
17
Brrrng.brrrrrng. Hello. You have reached the
XYZ Company. Please listen carefully to the
following options, as our menu has changed. For
sales, press ONE. For customer service, press
TWO. For technical..YOU PRESS TWO. All our
representatives are busy helping other customers.
Your call is very important to us, so please
stay on the line for the next available
operator. Your call will be answered in the order
in which it was received.
18
Second major rule of grammar.
You cant tell the players without a
scorecard. Identify the role that each word
plays in the sentence.
19
The parts of speech (common)

• Verb shows action or state of being
• Predicate the main action word in a
  sentence
• Noun name of something
• Subject the main noun in a sentence
• Object a noun to which something is
  done
• Pronoun takes the place of a noun
• Adjective modifies a noun or pronoun
• Article a, an (indefinite) the
  (definite)
• Adverb modifies a verb, adjective, or
  adverb
• Preposition relates a noun or pronoun to
  another word
• Conjunction joins words or groups of words
• Interjection shows strong feeling

20
Parts of speech (less commonweird)

• Predicate nominative
• Predicate adjective
• Appositive
• Transitive verb
• Intransitive verb
• Gerund (or gerundive)
• Present participle
• Past participle

• Infinitive
• Verbal
• Verb phrase
• Noun phrase
• Object (direct)
• Object (indirect)
• Subject complement
• Object complement

21
Prepositions
aboard about above absent according to across after against  ahead of along alongside amid amidst among around as as far as as well as at atop before behind below beneath beside between by by means of despite down due to during except far from following for from in in addition to in case of in front of in place of in spite of inside inside of instead of in to (into) like mid minus near near to next next to notwithstanding of off on on account of on behalf of on top of on to (onto) opposite out of outside outside of owing to over past plus prior to regarding round save since than through throughout till times to  toward under underneath until up upon with with regards to within without
Key prepositions to in on from by with at
22
Coordinating Conjunctions
and or but nor so for yet
after although as as if
as long as because before even
if even though if once
provided since so that
that though till
unless until what when
whenever wherever whether while
Subordinating Conjunctions
23
Editing steps -- 1

• Count the words
• Identify what part of speech each word is playing
• Identify the subject and the verb
• See how far apart the subject and the verb are
  (how much has been shoved in between them)
• Cut out all modifying words and phrases
• You should be left with lt10 words

24
Editing Steps -- 2

• Does this bare bones version convey the
  underlying meaning?
• If yes, add some important stuff back in.
• important means serves the meaning of the
  sentence
• Take a second look at what you left out. Did it
  matter?
• If no, decide on the real subject and verb
• Rewrite the sentence a new way.
• Start with the real noun.
• Try a stronger verb that may have been lurking
• Start with a modifying phrase
• Steal from other sentences
• Add stuff back in , as above.

25
Editing Algorithm
Take everything out except crucial modifiers.
YES
Do they capture the meaning?
YES
Make sure you have captured the meaning.
NO
Does it have a subject and a verb?
A sentence
Put stuff back in.
Find the noun and verb that capture the meaning
Count the words
NO
Rewrite the minimal sentence.
If () gt 20, then reconsider.
Put stuff back in.
26
Naming the parts of a sentence
Emory is a destination University.

N
Aj
V
At
NS
27
Naming the parts of a sentence
Recognition of ligands on target cells by cognate
receptors on acceptor cells such as B
cells, T cells, or NK cells can lead to transfer
of the ligand and closely associated membrane
fragments from the target cell to the
acceptor cell.
Pp
Pp
Aj
NS
NO
NO
Pp
NO
Aj
Pp
NO
Pp
Aj
Aj
NO
NO
C
Aj
NO
V
Aj
Aj
Pp
Av
At
V
Pp
C
NO
NO
Aj
At
At
Aj
NO
Aj
Pp
Pp
NO
NO
The Journal of Immunology, 2008, 181 81208132
28
Naming the parts of a sentence
Pp
Pp
Aj
NS
NO
NO
Pp
NO
Aj
Pp
NO
Pp
Aj
Aj
NO
NO
C
Aj
NO
V
Aj
Aj
Pp
Av
At
V
Pp
C
NO
NO
Aj
At
At
Aj
NO
Aj
Pp
Pp
NO
NO
The Journal of Immunology, 2008, 181 81208132
29
Naming the parts of a sentence
NO
Aj
Pp
Pp
Pp
Aj
NO
V
NO
Pp
N
V
NO
Pp
Aj
Aj
NO
NO
NO
C
Aj
Aj
Aj
Aj
Av
Pp
NO
C
Pp
NO
At
Aj
NO
At
Pp
Aj
NO
At
Pp
NO
The Journal of Immunology, 2008, 181 81208132
30
Finding the meaning
Recognition of ligands on target cells by cognate
receptors on acceptor cells such as B cells, T
cells, or NK cells can lead to transfer of the
ligand and closely associated membrane fragments
from the target cell to the acceptor cell. (41
words)
If acceptor cells recognize ligands on target
cells, the ligands and membrane fragments may be
transferred from the target cell to the acceptor
cell. (23 words)
Start with a phrase
Target cells can transfer ligands to acceptor
cells. (8 words)
Use a lurking verb
31
Finding the meaning
Recognition of ligands on target cells by cognate
receptors on acceptor cells such as B cells, T
cells, or NK cells can lead to transfer of the
ligand and closely associated membrane fragments
from the target cell to the acceptor cell.
Target cells can transfer ligands to acceptor
cells.
Target cells can transfer ligands and associated
membrane fragments to acceptor cells.
Target cells can transfer ligands and associated
membrane fragments to acceptor cells that have
cognate (appropriate) receptors.
Target cells can transfer ligands and associated
membrane fragments to acceptor cells, such as B,
T, or NK cells, that have cognate receptors.
32
Finding the meaning
Recognition of ligands on target cells by cognate
receptors on acceptor cells such as B cells, T
cells, or NK cells can lead to transfer of the
ligand and closely associated membrane fragments
from the target cell to the acceptor cell.
Target cells can transfer ligands and associated
membrane fragments to acceptor cells (e.g., B, T,
or NK cells) that have cognate receptors.
33
Exercise
While lagging strand synthesis, however, is a
discontinuous process, which utilizes many
replication- initiating events and more proteins
are required for lagging strand synthesis because
additional replication forks are needed to
complete DNA replication.
At
NS
C
Aj
C
V
Aj
N
Pn
Aj
Aj
V
Aj
Aj
NO
C
NS
V
Aj
Pn
C
Aj
NO
Aj
Aj
Aj
Aj
V
N
V
N
DNA Repair 20076(9) 1307-1318
34
Exercise
While lagging strand synthesis, however, is a
discontinuous process, which utilizes many
replication- initiating events and more proteins
are required for lagging strand synthesis because
additional replication forks are needed to
complete DNA replication.
Lagging strand synthesis is a discontinuous
process that uses many replication-initiating
events. More proteins are required for lagging
strand synthesis because additional replication
forks are needed to complete DNA replication.
35
Exercise
Results of coronary angiography were expressed as
1-, 2-, or 3- vessel disease based on 50 lumen
diameter narrowing in any of the 3 coronary
arteries or their major branches. Angiograms and
myocardial perfusion images were interpreted
blindly without knowledge of each other.
Obviously, angiograms and myocardial perfusion
images had never met.
Am J Cardiol 200810214511456
36
Exercise
To the extent that the poor suffer predominantly
from health problems for which cost-effective
solutions exist, the nexus of poverty and health
should be weakened because the cost of care for
them should be lower than for the non-poor.
Because cost-effective solutions exist for the
health problems of the poor, disrupting the nexus
of poverty and health should lower the cost of
health care for the poor.
Musgrove, Poverty and Health, p 52
37
Transitions the 3-sentence moving average

• When you come to the end of a paragraph
• Read three sentences together
• Focus on the middle one
• Read the one before it
• Read the one after it
• Do the three together make sense?
• Does the middle one follow after the previous,
  and lead to the next?

38
Words and Rules
Macrostrucure vs. Microstructure
Pagraphs and sentences The opening sentence of a
paragraph states the guiding idea for that
paragraph. Middle sentences expand on that
fundamental notion. Often, the middle sentences
provide detail and perspective that illuminate
the guiding idea. The final sentence bring
closure to the paragraph and permits transition
to the next paragraph. Try to avoid one-sentence
paragraphs, particularly if they do not relate to
the previous thought. Such hanging thoughts can
be avoided by making sure that any
sentencewhether it begins a new paragraph or
notrelates to the sentence that came before and
leads naturally to the one that comes next.
Discontinuity of structure is a clue to
underlying confusion.
39
Exercise
Data was normalised and produced significant
results, indicating that ketamine will increase
the heart rate of an isolated preparation
consistently at 100µM. Confirming the findings
of previous authors we decided to dissect a
possible mechanism for this action.
Interestingly, the application of ketamine
together with m-AChR and ß-adrenoceptor
antagonists produced results which are to date
undocumented to the best of our knowledge.
The Internet Journal of Cardiology. 2008. Volume
6 Number 1
40
Exercise
Data was normalised and produced significant
results, indicating that ketamine will increase
the heart rate of an isolated preparation
consistently at 100µM. Confirming the findings
of previous authors we decided to dissect a
possible mechanism for this action.
Interestingly, the application of ketamine
together with m-AChR and ß-adrenoceptor
antagonists produced results which are to date
undocumented to the best of our knowledge.
Using a normal transformation of the data, we
confirmed previous
findingsR that 100 µM/time of ketamine will
significantly increase
The application of
the heart rate in an isolated preparation.
ketamine together with m-AChR and ß-adrenoceptor
antagonists
produced results that suggest a possible
mechanism for this action.
The Internet Journal of Cardiology. 2008. Volume
6 Number 1
41
Some specific techniques

• Dealing with adjectives
• Turning a sentence around
• The seven deadly sins

42
Adjectives

• Dont throw them away justify them.
• Show, dont tell.
• Mix with others, for a balanced diet
• Most adjectives can be omitted.
• Writing is stronger without than with

43
Adjective checklist

• Does it really qualify the noun?
• Big whales
• Greasy spoon
• Professional driver
• Does it repeat what is already known?
• The presumptive candidate
• The crusty curmudgeon
• The prim schoolmarm
• Is it a cliché?
• Greased lightning
• Untimely death
• Ample proof

44
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly the most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
45
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
46
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
47
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
48
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
49
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
50
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
51
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
52
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results
53
Counting adjectives
Undoubtedly The most drastically difficult aspect
of the major portion of the intermediate study is
the strong component that takes its particular
example from previous studies. Without
continuous attention to the myriad and
complicated details with which the study was
usually conducted, the investigators would be at
a total loss to effectively understand the
tortuous intricacies of the results.
54
Counting adjectives
The most difficult aspect of the study is the
component from previous studies. Without
attention to the details, the investigators would
be at a total loss to understand the results.
55
Scientific adjectives

• surprising result
• significant correlations
• inherent differences
• adverse effects
• successful competition
• conceivable mechanism
• normal development
• protective effect
• selective death
• damaging effects
• remarkable degree
• striking paper

• effective conditions
• normal growth
• useful system
• intriguing possibilities
• significant numbers
• dramatic increase
• causative agent
• protective mechanism
• optimal cell growth
• conflicting hypothesis
• complex process
• interesting implication

56
Counting adjectives
That celebrated, cultivated, underrated nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro! That unaffected,
undetected, well-connected warrior, The Duke of
Plaza-Toro! That very knowing, overflowing,
easy-going paladin, The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
57
Some specific techniques

• Dealing with adjectives
• Turning a sentence around
• The seven deadly sins

58
I write a sentence and then I turn it around.
Then I look at it and turn it around again.
--Bernard Malamud
59
Four ways to turn a sentence around

• Start with the real noun.
• Try a stronger verb that may have been lurking
• Start with a modifying phrase
• Steal from other sentences

60
Turning the sentence around

• Find the subject
• Example

Neurally mediated syncope (NMS) is considered as
a mild form of disautonomic disease that has been
thoroughly studied, but there are still some
doubts about its pathophysiological origin, since
several theories have inconsistencies. The
observation of clinical phenomena and their
correlation with physiopathological events could
ease their understanding and possibly make the
related diagnostic tests more efficient.
The Internet Journal of Cardiology. 2008. Volume
5 Number 2.
61
Turning the sentence around
Find the subject Example
Neurally mediated syncope (NMS) is considered as
a mild form of disautonomic disease that has been
thoroughly studied, but there are still some
doubts about its pathophysiological origin, since
several theories have inconsistencies. Doubt
persists about the dysautonomic origin of
neurally mediate syncope.
The Internet Journal of Cardiology. 2008. Volume
5 Number 2.
62
Turning the sentence around
Find the subject Example
Neurally mediated syncope (NMS) is considered as
a mild form of disautonomic disease that has been
thoroughly studied, but there are still some
doubts about its pathophysiological origin, since
several theories have inconsistencies. The
observation of clinical phenomena and their
correlation with physiopathological events could
ease their understanding and possibly make the
related diagnostic tests more efficient. Doubt
persists about the dysautonomic origin of
neurally mediate syncope. Better
clinical-pathologic correlations would improve
the efficiency of relevant diagnostic tests.
The Internet Journal of Cardiology. 2008. Volume
5 Number 2.
63
Turning the sentence around
Recognition of ligands on target cells by cognate
receptors on acceptor cells such as B cells, T
cells, or NK cells can lead to transfer of the
ligand and closely associated membrane fragments
from the target cell to the acceptor cell.
(Find the right subject and verb) Target cells
can transfer ligands to acceptor cells.
(Start with a phrase) If acceptor cells recognize
ligands on target cells, the ligands and membrane
fragments may be transferred from the target cell
to the acceptor cell.
64
Turning the sentence around
Drug-treated subjects had a significantly lower
mean serum cholesterol (192 12 mg/dl) and
diet-treated subjects had a significantly lower
mean serum cholesterol (210 10 mg/dl) than did
untreated subjects (230 14 mg/dl)
Compared with untreated subjects (230 14
mg/dl), mean serum cholesterols of drug-treated
(192 12 mg/dl) and diet-treated (210 10 mg/dl
) subjects were significant lower.
The mean serum cholesterols of drug-treated (192
12 mg/dl) and diet-treated (210 10 mg/dl)
subjects were significant lower than the mean for
untreated subjects (230 14 mg/dl).
65
Some specific techniques

• Dealing with adjectives
• Turning a sentence around
• The seven deadly sins

66
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• i Passive voice
• Hesitant and unconvincing
• Seems to be concealing something
• Takes more words to say
• Lends itself to twisted sentence constructions
• Example

When the condition of the patient at the time of
discharge was suggestive of an undiagnosed wound
infection, an effort was made to trace the
patient through local nursing homes and family
physicians.
When the patients condition at discharge
suggested an undiagnosed wound infection, we
tried to trace the patients through local nursing
homes and family physicians.
67
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• ii Hedging (overqualifying) to death
• Candor, caution, and modesty are virtues
• Dont overdo it
• Keep the caution in the content, not in the
  modifiers
• Example

It appears that this finding might possibly
suggest a potentially new approach to analysis.
It (i)appears that this finding (ii)might
(iii)possibly (iv)suggest a (v)potentially new
approach to analysis.
This finding may suggest a new approach to
analysis.
68
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• iii Big-deal words
• Sometimes a big word captures the exact meaning
• It backfires if you use a big word that adds
  nothing
• Instead of being precise, it makes you appear to
  be showing off
• Examples

endeavor try
utilization use
termination end
initiate begin
ascertain find out
facilitate help
implement start, create, begin
transmit send
subsequent to after
prior before
69
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• iv Noun strings (i)
• A string of consecutive nouns, each of which acts
  as a modifier, presumably of the final one
• Acceptable, and even required, in German
• In English, it creates confusion, since it is not
  always clear which are modifiers and which are
  the important nouns
• Examples

• Computer systems analyst
• Health information system retrieval protocol
• Human resource development specialist
• Health promotion material dissemination services
• Human capital investment paradigm

70
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
iv Noun strings (ii) Examples
Diabetic patient blood pressure reduction may be
a consequence of renal extract depressor agent
application.
Applying depressor agents from renal extracts may
reduce blood pressure in diabetic patients.
The procedure must produce a valid analysis of
the diabetes in pregnancy adverse outcome
prevention program.
The procedure must produce a valid analysis of a
program for preventing adverse outcomes resulting
from diabetes during pregnancy.
71
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• v Verbs weak or smothered (i)
• Inactive or linking verbs (to be, to have) are
  weak
• They are smothered by prepositions and
  qualifying phrases
• The verb is effectively turned into a noun
• Examples

There is a need to investigate these association
in additional populations for further elucidation.
These associations should be investigated in
other populations.
The identification and classification of the
various histologic types of lymphomas are vital
steps toward the introduction of new therapies
and the reduction of mortality.
Classifying the histologic types of lymphomas may
lead to new therapies and reduced morality.
72
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• v Verbs heaped (ii)
• Strings of verbs, each of which adds only a shade
  of meaning
• Particularly favored in bureaucrat-ese
• Often motivated by a fear of incompleteness
• Examples

We were attempting to construct, develop, and
implement a program to prevent contamination of
the blood supply.
We started a program to prevent contamination of
the blood supply.
73
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• vi Tack-ons
• One form of misplaced modifier
• Tacking onto the end of a sentence a phrase that
  begins with
• compared with
• resulting in
• based on
• Examples

Varying prevalences are observed in other groups,
resulting in lower R-squared values
The varied prevalences in other groups result in
lower R-squared values.
74
Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect

• vii Redundancy
• Wordiness or repetition
• Can apply to sentences, paragraphs, or whole
  sections
• probably the most important source of
  unnecessary length

75
Seven Deadly Sins Grammatical vs Ecclesiastical

• Passive voice
• Hedging
• Big deal words
• Noun strings
• Heaped verbs
• Tack-ons
• Redundancy

• Lust
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Sloth
• Wrath
• Envy
• Pride

76
In the first two weeks since the election,
President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a
tradition established over the past eight years
through his controversial use of complete
sentences, political observers say. According to
presidential historian Davis Logsdon, "Every time
Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are
in agreement. The historian said that if Mr.
Obama insists on using complete sentences in his
speeches, the public may find itself saying,
"Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate --
we get it, stop showing off." --Andy
Borowitz, BorowitzReport.com.