NURTURE WHOLESAME FAMILY: I LOVE YOU DARLING RADIO PROGRAM

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NURTURE WHOLESAME FAMILY I LOVE YOU DARLING
RADIO PROGRAM

• By
• Evodia Iswandi (BERSAMA Indonesia)
• Hamzah Sidang Mohamad (PEMADAM Malaysia)

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(By. Hamzah and Evodia) What the world needs is
love Honest, true, Love That comes from deep
inside To keep misery aside What the world need
is love Sweet, pure love Bringing hope and
light For a life full of delight I Love You
Darling Four words so bright That holds so much
meaning Turning darkness into light I Love You
Darling Sing it out aloud For its just the
beginning Of life without a cloud
So keep on loving caring Caring , feeling and
giving So keep on giving and sharing And be
always forgiving For the world truly needs
love Love blessed from above Bringing hope and
light For a life full of delight I Love You
Darling, Empat kata sederhana Yang menggetarkan
jiwa Mencipta insan berharga I Love You
Darling Membuat insane dicintai, Terpuji dan
mulia Damai dengan lingkungannya
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INTRODUCTION

• I LOVE YOU DARLING IS
• ABOUT LOVE
• ABOUT THE POWER OF LOVE
• IN WHICH LOVE IS A PROCESS,
• A JOURNEY AND NOT A DESTINATION

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INTRODUCTION

• ILYD focuses on unconditional love that can make
  a person feel needed, valued, praiseworthy,
  important and empowered.
• When viewed in the context of addicts and
  addiction, it is the absence of genuine love and
  care that predisposes a person to turn to drugs
  and propel ex-addicts to return to their habits

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INTRODUCTION

• As an extension of this belief with love and
  affection people can be protected from being
  sucked into the cesspool of addiction.
• To further extend this belief, human
  relationships therefore will thrive and grow in
  an environment of genuine love and care.

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INTRODUCTION

• ILYD thus becomes
• a critical factor in the nurturing of a wholesome
  family.
• a basis of communication for talking and sharing
  feelings, hopes and aspirations.
• a viable and powerful tool to generate and
  regenerate self-awareness, self-esteem and belief
  in oneself.

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INTRODUCTION

• ILYD thus becomes
• And when ILYD exists and thrive within the family
  it will set in motion the creation of a positive
  environment where family members live in harmony
  and solidarity and are caring and giving and can
  strive to be the best that they can be.

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THE ILYD RADIO PROGRAM

• A strong, healthy, equitable and sustainable
  society requires the strengthening of families.
• Despite the many negative influences impacting on
  the family today, the family is still the key
  nurturing, sustaining and caring unit in society.
  
• Therefore it makes great sense to protect and
  nurture the family and turn it into a bastion of
  strength and resilience that can withstand all
  kinds of negative onslaughts that try to tear it
  apart.

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THE ILYD RADIO PROGRAM

• The realization about the power of love and the
  importance of love in nurturing a wholesome
  family, inspire us to share our beliefs with
  others and we work closely with radio stations in
  Jakarta to get this message across to the
  community.
• Since December 2003 till today we have garnered
  the support and cooperation of three radio
  stations for our special broadcasts.

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THE ILYD RADIO PROGRAM

• These are Radio Jakarta News FM, Rhadio A and Pro
  4 of the Ministry of Communication and
  Information, Republic of Indonesia.

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THE ILYD RADIO PROGRAM

• Basically, the objective of the radio programme
  is
• to create an environment of love and care,
• non-judgemental communication that can, and will
  encourage addicts, recovering addicts and ex
  addicts to talk and share their problems, their
  experiences
• their hopes and their views with others, and
  likewise for their parents, friends, relatives
  and concerned individuals to do the same and to
  learn from each other.

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THE ILYD RADIO PROGRAM

• Via this interaction, it is hoped that they can
  be encouraged to take charge of their lives once
  again and reintegrate into society with pride and
  dignity buoyed by the knowledge that they are
  wanted, valued and loved, and that they are not
  alone.
• Through the radio programme, they also learn
  about the meaning of genuine love and care. They
  share their views on the importance of family, of
  family cohesiveness, of family solidarity and
  family support, and the importance of working in
  tandem to achieve desired common goals.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• When we started with Radio Jakarta News FM, we
  went on air every Tuesday night from 2200 hours
  to 2400 hours.
• To some this may not be considered peak
  transmission hours but for us the schedule is
  quite ideal.
• During this time of the night people are more
  rested, relaxed and have more time to think and
  ponder over various issues in life.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• After Jakarta News FM we broadcasted through
  Rhadio A ,Jakarta and since August 2006, with Pro
  4,The Republic of Indonesia Radio.
• With the 2 earlier stations the broadcast could
  be heard mostly in areas in and around Jakarta
  but with Pro 4 the coverage is nationwide and can
  also be heard in Malaysia and Brunei Darussalam.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• During each programme, at least one guest would
  be invited to sit in at every session.
• The guests are well known personalities with the
  right professional credentials or those with
  relevant experiences to share.
• The programme provides the channel of
  communication for anyone to call in and share
  their experiences, be they addicts, parents or
  concerned individuals.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• Callers discuss openly even their innermost
  concerns and fears without fear of being judged.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• They are made aware of the fact that
• they are not alone
• that somewhere out there, there are people with
  the same problems, needing the same
  understanding, the same support, and most
  gratifying is the knowledge that there are others
  who understand their plight, their predicament,
  their sorrows, their pain and their turmoil and
  are willing to reach out with caring hands to
  help them gain control and take charge of their
  lives once again.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• The interactive nature of the programme enables
  listeners to call in and air their views, share
  their problems and give suggestions.
• The personalities in the studio and the callers
  engage in serious discussions about whatever
  issues that are at hand with the focus on family
  life, addicts and addiction.
• It is not uncommon for the session to go beyond
  the allotted stopping time of 12.00 midnight.

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HOW THE PROGRAM WORKS

• After about a year, and judging from
  listener-responses, a good following had
  developed for the ILYD programme.
• Some listeners cannot seem to be able to wait for
  ILYD to be on the air.
• They seem to be really keen to be involved and to
  be a part of the ILYD community.
• On good and active nights, the number of people
  calling in and the number of SMS-es received can
  be anything between 30 and 40.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• For the duration that the ILYD programme was on
  air, we have shared so much with our listeners.
• We include here a few cases that can highlight
  the nature and content of the ILYD Radio
  Programme. For the sake of privacy and anonymity,
  we have not used their real names.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• Mr. Ludi,
• an ex-marijuana user, shared with us his
  experiences as a marijuana user and his
  realisation later of his folly and his astute
  observation that those who become victims of
  addiction are people with weak minds who cannot
  push away their internal cravings.
• He also shared with us the fact that he could
  stop was because he was not too deeply involved
  and that he was strong enough mentally to reject
  marijuana.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 2. Mr. Rudy,
• an ex shabu-shabu user, talked about his two-year
  shabu-shabu addiction because of friends
  influence.
• He managed to stop because the habit is no more
  affordable and because he managed to keep away
  from his usual circle of friends.
• However the battle is not over for him because he
  has not erased the desire to use the drug.
• His advice to others, dont start, but if they
  have, to stop immediately.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• Mr.Ruslan,
• an alchoholic, shared with us his sufferings as a
  result of drinking home-made alchohol.
• He became blind because of it but he wants to
  change because of his children whom he loved
  dearly.
• He hoped that his experience can be a lesson to
  others.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 4. An unknown caller,
• who is a secondary school student who felt that
  his problems originated from his broken home.
• He now hallucinates, doesnt have friends and
  spends a lot of time sniffing glue to forget his
  problems.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 5. Mr. Sito,
• an ex-addict, who managed to kick the habit with
  the help of a close friend.
• He believes that the continuous support of family
  is very critical.
• To him parents have a great responsibility. They
  need to help their children to grow and value
  them.
• The reality is that many parents only provide
  material necessities and their children are
  hardly supervised and the result is they are left
  to their own devices.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 6. Mr. Kumar,
• an ex-addict talked about how he started using
  drugs at the age of 17.
• After about seven years, he decided to go into
  rehabilitation after seeing a friend died of
  overdose.
• He spent seven months in rehabilitation and now
  is very determined to rid himself of drugs partly
  because of his love for his family.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 7. Mr. Dodi,
• an ex-addict, has this to say He became an
  addict at the age of 23.
• After 2 years he was totally hooked. To get his
  fixes he lied, cheated but stopped when he nearly
  died because of the effect of drugs
• For others he has this advice to give
• Avoid people you dont know.
• Do not attend a party organised by people you
  dont know.
• When at a disco, never leave your drink
  unattended and do not accept drinks from people
  you dont know.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• Madam Nani,
• called in to share the importance of love in the
  family.
• For her, her children must know that she will
  always support them and this enhances their
  belief in themselves.
• The quality and quantity of time spent with them
  need to be balanced and it is important that
  parents talk to their children, to know where
  they go, who they are seeing and who they are
  going out with.
• And to do this there is a great need to care for
  your children and a need to develop channels of
  communication with them.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 9. Mr. Zaki,
• also called in to talk about love in the family.
  In his opinion, parents tend to impose their own
  desires on their children because parents know
  best. There must be
• channels of communication.
• openness between parents and children.
• Quite often parents do not want to know about
  their children or their childrens problems.
• In his own family, he spends time listening to
  his children. They are given alternatives and
  when mistakes are made, the blame is not placed
  on their shoulders alone but shared by all in the
  family.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 10. Mr. Dino,
• called in to share his own perception of what
  ILYD is.
• To him, the expression of ILYD is akin to meta
  talk that possesses a powerful magic that can
  resurrect the most depraved soul.
• ILYD
• Is an expression from the heart.
• Should be practised and not just memorized and
  expressed, and it should never be used as a
  manipulative tool.
• Should be an expression of love and care and not
  just lip service. When said, it should be with
  honesty and sincerity and directly focused on
  someone specific, making the person feel honoured
  and respected.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 11. Mr. Pardi,
• called to share his experience on how he helped a
  drug victim recover without any form of
  medication.
• To him the victim is not a criminal but rather as
  someone calling for help.
• He invited the addict concerned to talk to him,
  to pray with him and socialise with people around
  him.
• He talked to the addict about the existence of
  God and Gods love for mankind. Helped by the
  addicts own willpower and the love around him,
  he stopped taking drugs. Today, he is a good son
  to his family.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 12. Madam Silvy ,
• that truly glorify the power of love. Through the
  ILYD Radio Programme, she disclosed her heart
  wrenching experience dealing with her addict son.
  
• She is a housewife, devoting her time bringing up
  her 3 children. The eldest boy was studying in
  Switzerland and the other 2 in local schools.
  Her family life was full of joy and harmony
  until the youngest boy became involved with
  drugs.
• When she learned about it she was shattered but
  she kept on supporting him and got him into
  various treatment centres.
• Later her husband got to know about the sons
  addiction and blamed her for it and chased the
  son out of the house. She still persevered.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• One day while coming back from visiting the boy,
  they met with an accident. Her husband and eldest
  son were killed. She herself was seriously
  injured and spent two months in hospital.
• Her addict son was devastated. He stopped doing
  drugs but he was already infected with HIV but
  she never cease to support him and love him. In
  fact she became a volunteer in a rehabilitation
  centre where 10 of the addicts she handled were
  HIV positive.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• Madam Silvy has this message for others
  especially for fathers
• As head of the family, a father should not only
  be the breadwinner but more importantly to be the
  leader in the family.
• He needs to lead with compassion and with a deep
  sense of responsibility.
• A father should also be a role model and be a
  respected leader not only in the office but also
  at home and never to forget that he must also
  take responsibility in the spiritual aspects of
  family life.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• 13. Mr. Lindo,
• called in to talk about faith and belief in God.
  He related the case of a friend who was so
  devastated with having a handicapped child that
  he eased his pain and found solace in drugs. This
  friend is very intelligent and very successful
  yet he fell into the clutches of addiction.
• It is obvious that he has very little faith in
  God. However, with Gods blessings, he later
  realised his mistake and started learning to be a
  good Muslim. Gradually he learned to accept his
  fate and learned to submit to Gods will. Finally
  he succeeded in extricating himself from his
  addiction and was that he so much needed and
  deserved.
• Mr. Lindo emphasized these two important points
  faith and mental strength can indeed be the
  driving force in achieving what we desire, and
  running away from the problem is not the action
  of a person who has faith in God Almighty.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• Madam Tika ,
• is another great example of a mothers love that
  can snatch a loved one out of the jaws of death
  and destruction. Madam Tika is a very popular and
  well -known artiste. She is totally immersed in
  her work, always busy, always occupied. Her son
  is also an artiste who has become lost and whose
  life has no direction.
• She realised her sons addiction only five years
  later. But upon realisation she started devoting
  her time, energy and money to get him the
  necessary treatment.
• She sent him to three different hospitals, three
  different rehabilitation centres and got him
  treated by six different doctors.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• But all her efforts seemed to be wasted, for her
  son could not break the shackles of addiction.
• She finally tried to cure him her way i.e. by
  entering his world, spending time with him,
  always trying to be with him and by giving him
  her unconditional love.
• She would whisper to him how much she loved him,
  even during the time when he was in a coma. She
  told him that she would even sell her house and
  live under a tree if thats the only way left to
  get him his medicine and his treatment.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• She was always patient, always warm and loving,
  always smiling and never uttering a harsh word.
  In her struggle for her sons survival, she was
  always honest and sincere to herself, to her son
  and to others.
• She never complained nor cried in front of him
  and never gives him substitute drugs of any kind.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• The son has now recovered, is married with two
  children.
• She found the cure to her sons addiction through
  her unconditional love.
• Today, between them, they always say I Love
  You, either directly or through SMS-es.
• To Madam Tika, ILYD is the answer to the
  heart-wrenching problem that she once faced.

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EXPERIENCE ON AIR

• The cases above are just a random few that we
  selected for the purpose of this paper. The
  details are in our book,
• I LOVE YOU DARLING (ILYD) Practical and
  Inspirational Ways of Creating a Positive
  Environment in Human Relationship.
• What is truly significant are the lessons derived
  from these cases.

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LESSON LEARNED

• The cases that we have mentioned contained many
  lessons that can be learned that will stand us in
  good stead in our efforts to nurture a wholesome
  family.

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LESSON LEARNED

• First and foremost,
• the family as a social, cultural and religious
  entity is critical in disseminating the
  necessary values to its members.
• The family is the basic building block of
  society. Any dislocation within the family, will
  inadvertently, contribute to problems in the
  society.
• If each family unit is peaceful, harmonious,
  happy and balanced, society too will be the same.
  
• Studies have shown that among the major
  contributing factors towards youth initiating
  drug use is parents neglect, parents lacking in
  skills such as communication skills, anger
  management skills and decision making skills,
  poor time management and lack of quality time
  devoted to family.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Second,
• is the need to love oneself, not in its
  narcissistic form but rather a love that will
  hinder oneself from indulging in activities that
  are destructive.
• If you love yourself you would not want to riddle
  your body with needle marks or inject poison into
  your body or ingest anything that will be harmful
  to body and mind.
• It is when you do not love yourself that you will
  indulge in anti social behaviours that are
  hurtful and destructive.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Third,
• is the lack of involvement of fathers in their
  childrens everyday life, especially in the
  dimension of their emotional development.
• To be sure there are a great number of caring
  fathers but more often than not, the business of
  caring is left to mothers.
• There are many cases of absent fathers too.
  Children lack the authority figure they so much
  need to keep them in line and to give them a
  balanced perspective of life and of living.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Fourth,
• a mothers love is forever.
• She will be there by her childs side through
  thick and thin.
• When others have given up, she will walk that
  extra mile for the sake of her child.
• Mothers do not give up easily. They persevere.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Fifth,
• someone with a problem is not necessarily alone.
• There are others with the same problems,
  predicament and the same concerns.
• There are many out there who are willing to share
  with others their experiences in facing problems
  and how they handled these problems.
• The reality is there is so much that people can
  learn from each other.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Last but not least,
• is the power of love. Love is a powerful panacea
  for a multitude of ills.
• Love makes the world go round. In many of the
  cases we encountered, what most influenced an
  addict to change and gradually kicked the habit
  is the presence of love in his heart and around
  him.
• Treatment and rehabilitation do help but the
  critical determining factor is when an addict
  begins to love himself and when he knows those
  dear and close to him love him dearly that he is
  precious, needed and valued.
• If parents truly love their children, they must
  learn to separate the drug taking habit of their
  children from the drug addict as an individual.

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LESSON LEARNED

• Last but not least,
• When you stigmatise the drug addict, you make
  efforts in prevention, rehabilitation , aftercare
  and social intergration that much more difficult.
• When parents, families and society are consumed
  by the blind fear of contamination and infection
  and labelled and ostracized the addicts as social
  lepers then the addicts will be fighting a losing
  battle.
• And when proclaimed that once an addict, always
  an addict we have then, condemn the addicted
  person for eternity.

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CONCLUSIONS

• The ILYD radio programme had indeed contributed
  in some degree to ways and means of nurturing the
  wholesome family.
• The comments, the suggestions and the sharing
  between listeners and between them and those of
  us in the studio had sparked off many lengthy and
  meaningful discussions.
• In some instances, the discussions continue off
  air. But to be sure, ILYD is so much more than
  just an interactive radio programme. It is in
  fact a way of life where love predominates.

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CONCLUSIONS

• ILYD exhorts love for oneself, for the family,
  for the community and for mankind so as to
  facilitate the creation of a positive environment
  in human relationship.
• In the creation of this environment, the main
  focus is love for oneself and love for the
  family.
• All things must begin with the self and
  cultivated within the family.
• The great sage Confucius said that the longest
  journey begins with the first step and if you
  want to better the world, first better yourself
  and your family.

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CONCLUSIONS

• All parents think they love their children and
  truly believe that they have given them the best
  possible upbringing, care and attention.
• However, there is a tremendous gap between what
  they say and feel and the actual reality.
• In the ILYD concept and practice, words expressed
  without the accompaniment of genuine feelings is
  mere lip-service.

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CONCLUSIONS

• Whatever is said must come from the heart.
  Children today can discern what is put-on and
  what is genuine.
• They also want parents to walk the talk. They
  need their parents to be there with them, to
  share their joys, their sorrows, their ups and
  their downs.
• It is indeed a riddle within an enigma that a
  person can devote so much time to work but hardly
  any for family.
• If we were to die tomorrow, the organization we
  work for can easily replace us for at the
  workplace, no one is indispensable, but the
  family we left behind will feel the lost
  tremendously. Yet we often pour ourselves more
  into work than family.

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CONCLUSIONS

• ILYD promotes a conclusive and congenial
  environment with spouses and off-springs living
  in love , trust and understanding and where
  respect for individual differences and individual
  needs are enshrined where open and
  multidirectional communication prevails allowing
  for the sharing of problems, hopes, dreams and
  aspirations.
• The core, indeed the epicenter of this
  communication, is love.

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CONCLUSIONS

• Love, care, understanding and empathy must be
  present if a wholesome family is to be nurtured.
• ILYD recommends to parents these few dos and
  donts in relation to their children.
• Do be loving.
• Do be honest and do be empathetic.
• Dont reject.
• Dont criticise and dont hurt.
• Help them to clarify their thoughts, encourage
  their creativity and intellect and explain
  clearly the reasons for decisions made.

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CONCLUSIONS

• ILYD creates a positive environment for growth,
  harmony and tranquility, and teaches people to
  respect each other.
• It empowers parents to be role models and
  empowers the family to choose between good and
  evil, between right and wrong, between growth and
  destruction.
• ILYD therefore empowers people to be the best
  that they can be.
• Whatever the issue, whatever the problem, the
  answer lies in, I Love You Darling ILYD.

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A Helping Hand When your hearts so full of
sorrow And life is pulling you down In your soul
you must always know Hope is there to turn you
around When you think you are at the bottom And
to change is impossible Think again, deep and
solemn Much in life is changeable You are not
alone, theres hope to be found Theres kindness
and goodwill all around A helping hand to turn
you around Glory and success and homeward bound
To one and all who are in despair The power of
love is always out there Hand in hand, shoulder
to shoulder You want to succeed, you have the
power If you try, you surely can To change your
life, how, where when And hope will be your
helping hand Believe in yourself, for you are
the man
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THANK YOU

• I LOVE YOU DARLING