Reconciliation%20in%20Relationships

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Reconciliation in Relationships

• THE LIFE Practical Insights for Christian
  Living
• MITACF Large Group
• March 1, 2002

2
The Problem

• The fact of the matter is that, the closer we get
  and the more time we spend with each other, the
  greater the possibility that well hurt each
  other
• When it comes down to it, were sinful people and
  we sin against each other

3
Our Reactions

• What are some of our normal responses?
• Get angry with the person who has hurt you and
  take it out on them (overtly or
  passive-aggressively)
• Withdraw and expect the other person to know
  their wrong and come to you
• Gossip about the person who has hurt you
• Overcompensate and try to work off the debt

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What is the common thread?

• Were looking for the safest path, where we know
  the results -- these things punish the other
  person for what they have done and make us feel
  better.
• In these responses, are trying to re-exert our
  own control -- have power over the other person
  and over the situation.

5
What is the common thread?

• Were taking the situation out of Gods hands and
  taking it into into our own.
• Parable of the Talents (Matthew 2514-30) -- we
  bury our problems to keep control of the
  situation and the results and, in doing so,
  keep it out of Gods hands.

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Who are we?

• So from now on we regard no one from a worldly
  point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in
  this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if
  anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation the
  old has gone, the new has come! All this is from
  God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ
  and gave us the ministry of reconciliation that
  God was reconciling the world to himself in
  Christ, not counting mens sins against
  them. - 2 Corinthians

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Gods Way of Dealing with Broken Relationships

• We are ministers of reconciliation (2 Cor. 4)
• not who we hope to be or strive to be -- its who
  we are as new creations in Christ.
• It is our identity and is something but ALL of us
  are as Christians, not only some of us.
• We preach Gods message of our redemption and
  reconciliation through Jesus work on the cross.
• But we also preach it through our lives, through
  our ministry of reconciliation with one another
  (Col. 212-14 - Forgive as the Lord forgave you
  ..)

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Practical Insights for Christian Living

• Christian Minister of Reconciliation
• So how does a Christian respond when someone has
  been hurt in one of their relationships?

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We reconcile our relationships as soon as possible

• Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and
  speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all
  members of one body. In your anger do not sin
  Do not let the sun go down while you are still
  angry, and do not give the devil a
  foothold. - Ephesians 425-27

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We see reconciliation with others as something of
utmost importance

• Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the
  altar and there remember that your brother has
  something against you, leave your gift there in
  front of the altar. First go and be reconciled
  to your brother then come and offer your
  gift. Matthew 523-24

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Each of us takes the initiative in reconciliation
no matter who started it

• If your brother sins against you, go and show
  him his fault, just between the two of you. If
  he listens to you, you have won your brother
  over. But if he will not listen, take one or two
  others along, so that every matter may be
  established by the testimony of two or three
  witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them,
  tell it to the church and if he refuses to
  listen even to the church, treat him as you would
  a pagan or a tax collector. - Matthew 18

12
We try our hardest to have reconciled
relationships

• If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
  live at peace with everyone. - Romans 1218

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Ok so what exactly is reconciliation anyway?

• We often think reconciliation and forgiveness are
  one and the same.
• Not exactly a complete picture. Forgiveness
  leads to reconciliation.
• Gods reconciliation with us -- he has forgiven
  us of our sin and draws us fully into his love.
• See Parable of the Prodigal Son for a picture
  (Luke 15)
• But forgiveness is at the core of reconciliation
  -- you cannot call yourself reconciled without
  first forgiving and being forgiven.

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Uh thats nice, Peter. But what does it mean
to forgive?

• Forgiveness is a a spiritual act -- a decision to
  release the other person from your judgment or
  punishment.
• For us, it means that we choose to trust in God,
  rather than taking it into our own hands.
• Trust in His judgment
• Ask him to forgive you of your own unforgiveness,
  which is our taking control. Unforgiveness hurts
  us.
• It is a decision that Jesus calls us to always
  make when others sin against us and flows from
  seeing more and more how much greater Gods
  forgiveness of us is (Matthew 615-15)

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What Forgiveness is Not

• It is not saying that youre not hurt anymore or
  that you agree with what happened to you -- we
  need to ask God for healing for that in those
  places where the we have been hurt.
• But we are trusting in God to heal us and
  releasing the other person and ourselves from our
  judgment.

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What does it mean to be reconciled then?

• Reconciliation to fully restore the
  relationship to where it was before the offense
• the ministry of reconciliation that God was
  reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not
  counting mens sins against them.
• Ex. The Prodigal Son
• A restored relationship what we think of the
  result of reconciliation is in some ways the act
  of reconciliation

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Lets Get Practical Take The Initiative Now -
Can we talk? (Matthew 5, Eph. 4)

• If someone has sinned against another, it is your
  role (whoever realizes it first) to take
  initiative in reconciliation.
• Our model God took initiative with us
• Most often, it will most often be the person who
  was hurt who needs to start the process.
• In some respects, we are bid to come and die
  and find that I may truly live.

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Lets Get PracticalArticulate Your Hurt to Them
(Matthew 18)

• You need to talk it through and explain what the
  sin is and how it occurred.
• Our model God has revealed to us and explained
  to us our offense, our sin.

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Lets Get PracticalUnderstand and Own Up to How
You Have Hurt the Other Person

• Listen carefully to the person who has been hurt
  and explain it back.
• Make sure you understand correctly -- ask How
  have I hurt you?
• Is this what hurt you?
• How did it feel?

20
Lets Get PracticalAsk for Forgiveness and
Forgive

• Will you forgive me for these things?
• Accept the forgiveness and repent of yoru sin.
• Repentance metanoia change of mind means
  turning away from sin.
• Decide to forgive the offender.
• Remember Forgiveness is an act, not an emotion.
  You will not always feel it, but you can and
  are told to always choose to forgive (77 times).

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Lets Get Practical Caveats

• In forgiving, you have made a spiritual
  transaction and released them from your judgment,
  but you wont always feel better.
• At this point, you need to ask for God's grace,
  for Him to touch you and heal you (to free you)
  where you've been hurt you
• You still have the wound. You cannot ask the
  person who hurt you to fix it. Only God can.

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Lets Get PracticalCaveats

• The other person will not always respond to
  attempts at reconciliation
• If it is possible, as far as it depends on you
  
• Have I taken initiative? Have I given my best?
  Have I gone as far as I can?
• Matthew 18
• If they do not respond, bring in another party or
  mediator from within your community.
• At some point, there is nothing you can do.

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Reconciliation

• In the end, reconciliation is not about resolving
  an issue but fully restoring a relationship as
  God has done for us.