Religion

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Religion
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Religion is Full of Hassles
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The Church Of Smock

• Putting an end to the Hassles of Ordinary
  Religion.

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The History of The Church

• The Church of Smock dates back to October 19th,
  2004. Which is when I officially became an
  ordained Minister.

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WTF???
How the !_at_ did you become an ordained
Minister???
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Simple.
Thanks to the Internet, you can do just about
anything instantly, including becoming an
ordained minister with absolutely no schooling or
commitment required. Im sure Neil Postman would
be proud.
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The Principles of the Universal Life Church

• Promote the freedom of religion and do that which
  is right. It is up to the individual (me) to
  determine what is right as long as it does not
  infringe on the rights of others and is within
  the law.

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Yep, thats right. I can do whatever I want.
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The Church Of Smock

• Youve seen this slide Before.

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The Sacred Book of Smock

• First Edition written Circa October 20, 2004.
• Other Editions and revisions expected to be made.
• New editions and revisions may possibly lead to
  the utter downfall of society.

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Sacred book of Smock outlines

• The basic beliefs of Smockism
• Basic Rules and Guidelines to live by
• The different Holidays to be followed, and what
  to do to add a holiday.
• What can get you excommunicated.
• How to go about the Human Sacrifices

Okay, that last one was a joke
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The Big Stuff

• The Main belief of Smockism is that people should
  be cool to each other.
• The secondary belief is that people should have
  fun.
• Smockism also believes in not believing in
  anything very strongly.

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What was that part about not believing in
anything Strongly again?
Just that.
Theres so many different options out there as
far as gods and things go that to believe in one
too strongly is ridiculous. Especially since
there is no way to prove one more right than the
other.
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For Example
Any one of these dudes could be the real god
and thats just assuming that theres only one
god.
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But it doesnt end therepeople need to have a
savior too.
It could be any one of these guys
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It could come to this
And with Smockism it does
On any given day you can believe in something
different as long as you dont really believe in
it.
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The Four Commandments

• Thou Shalt Not Kill
• Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
• Thou Shalt Not Steal unreasonably
• Thou Shalt Not be a jerk

Jerk used in place of a less appropriate word
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Afterlife

• When you die you either go to heaven or hell,
  reincarnate, or rot in the ground.
• Smockists do not believe in the existence of
  zombies, however, the possibilities of becoming a
  ghost or being stuck in limbo are considered.
• Whatever happens, its good to be prepared.
  Luckily, in Smockism, the only way you can go to
  hell is by breaking one of the 4 commandments.

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Other rules to live By

• All consensual sex legal by state law is
  permitted. However, we prefer that you dont tell
  us any details. Seriously, I dont want to hear
  it.
• Anything that is edible is permitted to be eaten
  by the church with the exception of humans.
  However, vegetarianism is not allowed. It is your
  religious duty to eat meat at least twice a week
  in order to prove that youre still human.
• You dont have to keep the Sabbath day holy.
  Mainly because we dont have a Sabbath day.

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Holidays

• Candle Week
• Takes place during Hanukah
• More gift-giving oriented.
• 8th day removed
• Dreidel replaced with Poker.

• Christmas
• Normal Christmas
• Were pretty sure Santa isnt real, but not
  entirely.
• Celebrate the birth of Jesus and anyone else born
  on that day.

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Other Holidays

• St. Patricks Day is a go!
• Easter is celebrated. Gift-giving encouraged.
• Halloween is celebrated and adult members are
  encouraged to give full sized candy bars to add
  to the merriment of the holiday.
• Any other suggestions for Holidays can be brought
  up at service and if the motion is passed a new
  religious holiday will be born.

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What Can the Church do for you?

• Whatever you want it to.

Exorcisms not performed.
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Marriages

• Rev. Smock will marry anyone that is legally
  allowed to marry. No questions asked, no
  memberships required. Only thing needed is money.

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Funerals

• In the Church of Smock, Funerals are the same as
  parties, but with a dead guy there. Members are
  expected to have refreshments and some kind of
  entertainment prepared for when they die. Arnold
  is always invited.

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Last Rites

• These are more or less unnecessary to the
  religion. If you were good and there is a heaven,
  youll go there. I dont really need to be
  involved. However, if you want, Ill come and let
  you know if you were a good person or not. Ill
  also reassure you that everything I taught was
  completely correct.

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Confession

• If any body wants me to listen to them while they
  confess their sins, I dont mind. And Ill have
  to keep it secret. Then Ill give you some sort
  of advice that will put everything in perspective
  for you and you will be cleansed. If your sins
  are really stupid, I may laugh at you through the
  screen. Beware.

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Exorcisms

• I stay away from demons. Period.

Sorry, call someone else.
Seriously, those things can kill you.
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Excommunication

• I will excommunicate anybody whenever I feel like
  it. Usually because you are a jerk.
• If you kill or commit any other sort of extremely
  violent crime, youre out automatically.
• Otherwise, its pretty hard to get kicked out of
  the Church. Once you join you are Smockist for
  life or until you find something better.

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The End.
You can boo now.