Crucial Conversations

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Crucial Conversations

• Overview

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The Problem Crucial Conversations
OPPOSING OPINIONS
STRONG EMOTIONS
HIGH STAKES
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Dialogue Fills the Pool
Pool of Shared Meaning
OTHER
ME
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• Start with Heart How to Work on Me First
• Learn to Look How to See When Safety is at Risk
• Make it Safe How to Increase Candor While
  Decreasing Defensiveness
• Master My Stories How to Manage Emotions that
  Destroy Dialogue
• STATE My Path How to Speak Persuasively, Not
  Abrasively
• Explore Others Paths How to Power Up Your
  Listening
• Move to Action How to Make Decisions

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DialogueSmarts Model
SILENCE
WITHDRAWING AVOIDING MASKING
ME
OTHER
SAFTEY
See/
Tell a
See/
Tell a
DIALOGUE Pool of Shared Meaning
Feel
Act
Feel
Act
Hear
Story
Hear
Story
SAFTEY
CONTROLLING LABELING ATTACKING
VIOLENCE
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• Safety Violations and Fixes

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The Solution Master My Stories
See/Hear
Tell a Story
Feel
Act
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• ResultsNo Results Clever Story

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• What are you pretending not to know about your
  role in this situation? What have you done or
  not done that contributed?
• Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent
  person do that? What is a more human
  description of others and their contribution to
  the problem? What good motives might they have?
• What do you really want from this situation?
  What is the right thing to do right now to move
  you toward those results? Will you do it?

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DialogueSmarts Model
SILENCE
WITHDRAWING AVOIDING MASKING
ME
OTHER
SAFTEY
See/
Tell a
See/
Tell a
DIALOGUE Pool of Shared Meaning
Feel
Act
Feel
Act
Hear
Story
Hear
Story
SAFTEY
CONTROLLING LABELING ATTACKING
VIOLENCE
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The Principle STATE My Path

• S hare your facts
• T ell your story
• A sk for others paths
• T alk tentatively
• E ncourage testing

What skills
How skills
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Benefits of Strategy with Facts

• The least controversial part of the Path to
  Action is what you saw or heard.
• Facts are more persuasive.
• When we start with feelings we often never get to
  facts.

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Explore Others Paths

• When we explore, we seek truth
• Exploring demands curiosity and respect
• Exploring can require patience while emotions
  subside
• Exploring opens others up to our influence

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AMPP

• A sk
• M irror
• P araphrase
• P rime

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Focus on Agreement

• A gree
• B uild
• C ompare

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Action

• Who?
• Does What?
• By When?
• How Will We Follow Up?