ooze'com

1
ooze.com
Overview
Financial Plan
Resource Requirements
back to Ooze.com

• Business Plan 3000

2
Mission Statement

• Ooze.com will be the ihumor destaportal of the
  22nd century.
• Cornering elaughs with ultra hi-tech devices,
  Ooze will have a funnopoly that will charge
  content providers per jocular hit.
• By 2003, it wont be funny if Ooze doesnt say so.

A Note to Potential Investors In a fragile
economy, investors look for low-risk, high
yielding securities to stash their money.
Ooze.com thinks the new new economy will be more
viable and lucrative if people continue to ignore
simple economics and exuberantly spend their
money on half-baked ideas like Ooze.com. With
your financial assistance, well be back to 1999
before you know it!
3
The Team

• CEO- Matthew B. Patterson (High School
  Graduate/Smart Man) has almost profitably run
  Ooze for 7 years.
• Board of Directors
• Edward Schmidt (Hollywood Producer/home renter)
• MJ Loheed (former Mr. Universe/dancer)
• Joe Wagner (Comedian/entrepreneur)
• Bob Dole (former Presidential Candidate/Senator)
• Combined, the team has 1325 work hours viewing
  internet ventures.

4
Market Summary
Click to hear elaugh

• Market Past, Present, Future
• Today, laughter is a private, unregulated
  activity.
• Ooze will turn laughs into elaughs which are
  measurable, and marketable over the internet.
• Ooze will be a destaportal- ihumor will go
  through ooze.com to the end user- with a fee paid
  by the developer.
• Laughs are measured and delivered by low-cost
  cybernetic device implanted into client skull.
• Creates funnier, hence more profitable, jokes.

5
Opportunities

• Problems Opportunities
• There are no known problems with this plan.
• Unless you consider opportunity a problem.
• For consumers, an elaugh will be no more than a
  biological plug-in away. The ihumor we project
  into clients heads will be of the highest
  quality.
• People may be frightened by grafting a browser
  directly to their cerebral cortex, but the
  benefits far outweigh Frankenstenian fears.

6
Business Concept

• Using proprietary satellite technology, we will
  beam ejokes from content providers directly into
  subscribers cerebral cortex.
• We will provide this service free, with a small
  per chortle charge to ihumor providers.
• This guarantees measured elaugh response to
  quality content.
• Ooze will be the only place for reliable humor.

7
Competition

• People may insist on judging humor for
  themselves at no charge -
• No other company would dare release a product
  because of our patented protection plan.
• We employ laser wielding robots that root out
  and destroy any competition.
• Mercy is not in our business plan.

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Goals Objectives

• TOTAL GLOBAL DOMINATION
• We will charge .05 per chortle as a click charge
  for sponsored hilarity.
• In 5 years we will corner 78 of all North
  American laughter. (projected)
• The average American laughs 5 times a day.
• At projected market share, revenue
• will be over 6 million/day.

9
Financial Plan

• Ooze.coms current revenue in the post-crash
  internet economy is /- 1000/yr. By selling
  150,000 shares of common stock at 5/share, we
  would raise enough money not to allow us to get a
  place with a pool, a motorized scooter, a dinner
  at the Spagetti Factory, and go on a costly
  vacation at company expense.
• IPO scheduled for Winter 2002 on NASDAQ. Morgan
  Stanley (pending) backing venture.
• Alternate plan sell Ooze for 1,500 obo.

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Resource Requirements

• We need access to proprietary technology that
  makes a neurograft possible. 204 subscribers have
  volunteered for browser implant.
• Resource Requirements
• Vintage autos needed for staff to impress bankers
• College interns needed for light typing and oral
  sex.
• External Requirements
• funding required to purchase unused spy
  satellites to beam content to subscribers heads
  worldwide.

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Risks Rewards

• Risks
• None - except for possible lawsuits from improper
  grafting and lynching from unenlightened
  cultures.
• Addressing Risk
• Laser Wielding Killer Robots to eliminate all
  problems. After viewing Westworld (1973)
  several times, we are familiar with potential
  dangers.
• Rewards
• Investors could reap hundreds of dollars.

12
Key Issues

• Near Term
• Need to finance global humor domination.
• Need more volunteer subscribers from
  penitentiary.
• Long Term
• Need to reach a critical mass of customers.
• Without Ooze, laughter could die.
• We need 150,000 obo
• We missed out on the whole making tons of money
  for stupid ideas part of the internet
  revolution, but bet there are lots of you
  suckers out there.

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Terms Glossary

• ihumor - internet related humorous collection
• elaughs - laughter created from ihumor
• funnopoly - a monopoly of funnniness
• destaportal - a term we made up that sounds like
  something someone would have invested millions of
  dollars in a few years ago.