Letting Go

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Letting Go
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Developmental AdaptationsUnhealthy/Healthy Coping

• Level I (common in children 0-5)
• Level II (common in childhood adolescence
• Level III (common in adolescence adults in
  chronic/acute stress)
• Level IV (Healthy adult coping)

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Level IProvides organization and control

• Distortion
• Denial
• Delusional Projection

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Level IISupplies Some Intimacy

• Acting out
• Passive Aggressive
• Hypochondriasis
• Schizoid Fantasy
• Projection

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Level IIIReduces Stress Between Personal and
Social incongruences

• Intellectualization
• Repression
• Displacement
• Reaction Formation
• Dissociation

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Level IVDeals with stress to achieve maximum
functioning

• Altruism
• Humor
• Suppression
• Anticipation
• Sublimation

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Letting Go
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• Do everything with a mind that lets go.
• If you let go a little,
• You will have a little peace.
• If you let go a lot,
• You will have a lot of peace.
• If you let go completely, you will know complete
  peace and freedom.
• Your struggles with the world will have come to
  an end.
• --Achaan Chah

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When we honestly ask ourselves which person in
our lives mean the most to us, we often find that
it is those who, instead of giving much advise,
solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share
our pain and touch our wounds with a tender and
gentle hand. The friend who can be silent with us
in a moment of despair and confusion, who can
stay with us in an hour of grief and who can
tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing,
and face with us the reality of our
powerlessness that is the friend who
cares. ---Elisabeth Kubler-rose
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Debriefing

• One of the major sources of stress is
  inhibition. When people do not talk or write
  about their stressful and traumatic experiences
  they are more likely to develop health problems
• -James Pennebaker

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Debriefing

• Inhibition is physiologically stressful.
  Research indicates that blood pressure, heart
  rate, and other cardiovascular changes increases
  during confession/counseling. After disclosure,
  blood pressure and overall stress levels drop to
  lower levels.
• (Pennebaker, Healing Power of Confiding in Others)

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Examples of Debriefing

• People that talked to others about the death of
  their spouse reported fewer health problems and
  some positive health changes (i.E. BP and HR).
• Those who tried not to think about the
  death/loss, or those who ruminated about the
  death, reported the highest incidents of illness
  following the spouses death.

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Examples of Debriefing

• Writing about ones deepest thoughts and feelings
  surrounding trauma resulted in heightened immune
  function.
• Holding back or inhibiting behaviors results in
  subtle increases in physiological stress levels
  (i.E. electrodermal/perspiration levels).

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Within each pair, discuss one problem (that you
are willing to share) which you have trouble
letting go

• What was the incident?
• How has it impacted your life?
• In what ways might you let go?

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Critical Incident Stress

• A critical incident is any situation which
  causes a strong emotional reaction which may have
  the potential of impacting a persons life.
• If the critical incident is not dealt with, it
  may significantly have a negative impact on
  health and well-being.

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Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD)

• CISD is a process used with emergency workers,
  police, doctors, nurses, and other witnesses of
  trauma.
• The purpose of CISD is to minimize the
  long-term consequences of stress.
• It is important to implement a debriefing soon
  after the incident to avoid conditions such as
  post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

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Complete Unfinished Business

• What is robbing you of a sense of peace?
• Unexpressed feelings
• Unfinished dreams and plans

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The Burden Basket

• The Burden Basket is part of a ritual used by
  some Native American tribes to carry their
  everyday burdens. This Burden Basket is
  available to you today to offer you the
  opportunity to symbolically release your burdens,
  pain, stress, and/or to send messages to loved
  ones. Ponder the wonder of nature and life as
  you write and release some of your burdens on a
  piece of paper and place it in the basket. Or
  just send someone a loving message. At the
  conclusion of the day, these messages will be
  burned and released during a moment of
  meditation. The ashes will be returned to Mother
  Earth.

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The Burden Basket

• The original Native American Burden Basket was a
  gift from Mother Earth coming to us from the
  sacred cedar tree grown in the Northwest. The
  cedar roots were dug, then split by hand, and
  used to tie the cedar branches to make the Burden
  Basket. The cedar tree, to some Native
  Americans, is the tree that is known to absorb
  tears, shouts of anger, pain and sorrow.

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Do It Today!

• If you were going to die soon and had only one
  phone call you could make, who would you call and
  what would you say? And why are you waiting?
• -Stephen Levine