Asperger Syndrome and Marriage - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

1 / 26
About This Presentation
Title:

Asperger Syndrome and Marriage

Description:

Formal diagnosis accepted by both partners. Mutual desire to have a working relationship ... political sympathies. Physical attraction. www.asperger-marriage.info ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

Number of Views:121
Avg rating:3.0/5.0
Slides: 27
Provided by: giselasla
Category:

less

Transcript and Presenter's Notes

Title: Asperger Syndrome and Marriage


1
Asperger Syndrome and Marriage
  • Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker

www.asperger-marriage.info
2
Essential Requirements
  • Formal diagnosis accepted by both partners
  • Mutual desire to have a working relationship
  • Mutual willingness to learn
  • BUT this mutuality of desire/willingness has not
    been expressed in a togetherness of approach

3
Background
  • Met at university in 1985
  • Moved in together 1989
  • Son born 1992
  • Chris diagnosed with ASD 1997

www.asperger-marriage.info
4
Chris Why I Wanted a Relationship
  • Wanted to share something with someone though
    not sure what
  • Was very lonely thought that I would be able to
    talk to someone in a relationship
  • Also heterosexual male
  • Possibly children

5
Early Days. What Sustained the Relationship?
  • Limited emotional and time demands from Gisela
  • Chriss linguistic ability
  • Mutual interests doing same course
  • music / culture
  • political sympathies
  • Physical attraction

6
Early Days - What Endangered the
Relationship?
  • Chris
  • Unreasonable demands on my time
  • Realised, possibly in theory, that you had to be
    with someone to have a relationship but in
    practice difficult
  • Giselas untidiness
  • Gisela
  • Found aspects of Chriss behaviour uncomfortable
  • Apparently rude and ungrateful to parents
  • But appeared he wanted to be helpful just
    painfully shy and according to a friend the
    quietest person I have ever met

7
Pre-Diagnosis Difficulties - Gisela
  • Vital Routines hoovering the working surface
  • Importance of sleep to Chris
  • Discussion of difficulties impossible Chris
    apparently determined not to
  • Apparent hostility
  • Deteriorating relationship with parents and
    children
  • Apparent indifference to family members needs
  • Unable to use feminine wiles

www.asperger-marriage.info
8
Pre-diagnosis Difficulties - Chris
  • Saw Gisela as the one with the problems - not me
  • I was reasonably happy, could not understand why
    Gisela was not
  • Gisela has different ideas of what is important
  • relationship with the children and people far
    more important to her than things being in the
    right place
  • distressing for me when something is not in the
    right place
  • Gisela would want to discuss things at night when
    I wanted to sleep

9
Diagnosis Why Important?
  • Chris always felt socially handicapped
    diagnosis would provide a reason for this rather
    than it being a personal inadequacy
  • Gisela Chris either unwilling or unable to
    engage fully in a close relationship needed to
    know which

10
Initial Reaction to DSM-IV
  • Chris - Sceptical, it seemed people with AS
    acted irrationally and I acted rationally
  • Gisela Astonished, a description of Chriss
    idiosyncrasies

11
There is no doubt in my mind that you are on the
autistic spectrum and have Asperger Syndrome
12
Effects of ASD in an Able Adult
  • Bullying
  • Severe depression
  • Nearly ended a marriage
  • Extremely unhappy relationship with parents
  • Unable to deal with lack of structure at Oxford
  • Failure to succeed at interviews so career and
    job opportunities curtailed
  • Difficulties in employment

13
Help Available to the Able Adult with Asperger
Syndrome
  • Medication
  • Family

14
Professional Help Available to Families of the
Able Adult with AS

15
Other Help Available for Partners in Asperger
Marriages
  • Literature by professionals, people with AS and
    partners
  • Support groups national and local
  • Internet lists
  • Extended family
  • Good friends

16
AS Features Causing Difficulties
  • Lack of Empathy?
  • Inability to mind-read
  • Effects of stress on the AS partner
  • Communication difficulties personal and work
    relationships

17
Non-Spectrum Features Causing Difficulties
  • Lack of Appreciation of
  • stress caused by daily living with AS
  • need for space
  • misunderstanding not only one way
  • Need for reassurance of affection
  • Need for conversation and social interaction
  • Need to be understood

18
Essential problem is communication
19
Verbal Communication
  • Conversation
  • AS partner
  • has a lack of ability to initiate
  • has literal understanding
  • has no innate understanding of structure of
    conversation
  • simply does not know what to say

20
Communication
  • Conversation structure difficulties
  • turn-taking
  • need for processing time causes delay in
    replying, particularly noticeable over abstract
    issues, e.g. emotions
  • MRQQ manner, relevance, quality and quantity of
    replies

21
Non-verbal Communication
  • A real problem lack of facial expression and
    other non verbal communication leads to much
    mutual misunderstanding
  • Mood, or attitude of the person with AS is easily
    misread

22
Coping Strategies
  • Awareness of differences in communication
  • Non-AS partner must not become emotional in
    conversations
  • Discuss one issue at a time
  • Try to avoid using metaphorical language
  • Wait for a reply it will usually come
  • Explain the need for a reply if it doesnt
  • The intent of the person with AS should be
    appreciated
  • Use Instant Messaging and emails

23
Employment Issues
  • Communication difficulties extend to other
    aspects of life
  • AS partner may appreciate help over work issues
    and day-to-day living

24
Social Issues
  • Separate social lives need not be detrimental to
    a marriage
  • Social occasions based on an activity concert,
    theatre or quiz more successful
  • Purely social occasions should be limited to
    small groups of quiet people in quiet surroundings

25
Parenting
  • Chris benefited from watching me and we agree
    on strategies with George
  • George aware of Chriss AS
  • Conscientious

26
The Future
  • Chriss relationship with his parents is much
    improved
  • Still problems with my three children difficult
    to redress
  • Despite practice some situations still very
    difficult interviews
  • Not currently planning An Asperger Divorce
Write a Comment
User Comments (0)
About PowerShow.com